Jennifer Lopez blesses us lowly mortals with her children’s names

One week after her children’s birth, Jennifer Lopez has decided that we, the little people, are worthy to know the names of her progeny. If you haven’t heard them yet, then you are in for a rare treat. Brace and humble thyself. The children’s names are: Max and Emme! *gasp* And, even better, TMZ points out they’re totally ripped from a PBS show about kids who hang out with dragons! Yay! And, also, WTF!?:

The show is made to help children learn life lessons through the sibling’s adventures, and mixes in Spanish language to promote a bilingual experience for the audience.

Being the intrepid reporter that I am, I scoped out Dragon Tales. All I have to say is Jesus, what are they teaching kids these days? In a nutshell, Emmy and Max have the worst documented case of ADD ever and constantly jet off to “Dragon Land” to kill time. I mean, whatever happened to huffing aerosol? I guess it’s not “cool” for today’s three to eight-year-old demographic. Stupid elitists; they don’t know what they’re missing. *huffs can of Axe* Yeah, that’s the molasses. Now I see dragons and reek of desperation. If I were PBS, I wouldn’t even get out of bed today. You just got P double owned, son!

Photos: Getty Images