Jennifer Lopez blesses us lowly mortals with her children’s names

March 3rd, 2008 // 67 Comments

One week after her children’s birth, Jennifer Lopez has decided that we, the little people, are worthy to know the names of her progeny. If you haven’t heard them yet, then you are in for a rare treat. Brace and humble thyself. The children’s names are: Max and Emme! *gasp* And, even better, TMZ points out they’re totally ripped from a PBS show about kids who hang out with dragons! Yay! And, also, WTF!?:

The show is made to help children learn life lessons through the sibling’s adventures, and mixes in Spanish language to promote a bilingual experience for the audience.

Being the intrepid reporter that I am, I scoped out Dragon Tales. All I have to say is Jesus, what are they teaching kids these days? In a nutshell, Emmy and Max have the worst documented case of ADD ever and constantly jet off to “Dragon Land” to kill time. I mean, whatever happened to huffing aerosol? I guess it’s not “cool” for today’s three to eight-year-old demographic. Stupid elitists; they don’t know what they’re missing. *huffs can of Axe* Yeah, that’s the molasses. Now I see dragons and reek of desperation. If I were PBS, I wouldn’t even get out of bed today. You just got P double owned, son!

Photos: Getty Images

  1. ApacheRose


    “There are spells, probably satanic”

    Thanks for informing the world that you are, in fact, an idiot. Do a little research before you make such moronic statements.

    Dragon Tales is annoying, yes, but hardly satanic.

  2. adoe

    Dragon Tales don’t teach Spanish!!!! That’s Dora…get it straight, dammit

  3. New York City Puerto Ricans

    Let’s have a parade!

  4. Jamie's Uterus

    I’m surprised she didn’t name one of they Jay, and the other one Lo?

    Her ego is so huge, it would not surprise me. I was also expecting her to name them Jose and Maria, after THE Joseph and Mary.

    Next we’ll see this vile disgusting bitch on the cover of Parents Magazine, and Ladies Home Journal, talking about how great it is to be a mother.

  5. Loranus

    Come on JLo.

    Ahhh geeez all this wait for yet another Max and Emme.

    Thanks I’m thrilled!

  6. extracheeseplease

    A more fitting set of names would have been Selena and Abraham-QUINTANILLA. Without either of those two people she’d still be “the fat flygirl” and not some self-important Bride of Skeletor. But maybe I’m just jealous because she oozes talent and beauty…

  7. Jamie's Uterus

    You know #57…you are right, and I have said that so many time over the years. If that crazy woman didn’ t shoot Selena in the back and kill her, J-Lo would of never had a career.

    Damn her!

  8. byme

    omg!!! gorda desormada con cara de intento sexy ascoooo

  9. Genx

    TO ALL THE HATERS…..AND LOOSER’S…………………… All you people are sick, you need to get a life and stop all these negative comments about Jennifer Lopez. The women is pregnant with TWINS and still manages to look BEAUTIFUL. And by the way she is very BRAVE, since most actresses in her condition will go in hiding afraid of what others might say. SHE IS BEAUTIFUL….AND YOUR WORDS WONT BREAK HER DOWN …YOU CANT HURT HER CAUSE SHE IS BEATIFUL NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY …and her babies will be beautiful too.

  10. She is a cute woman. Many fans of her created a galler of her on a site ~~~ She helped 5 herpes girls on this site last year. And she said she will helped more users in this year on this site

  11. moses

    To be a rich actress… SHE NEVER KNOWS HOW TO DRESS!!!
    But I just saw her profiles on a celebrity and millionaire dating site called Don’t know if it is her.

  12. Laura

    I believe Emma is one of the top baby names in the US right now. Very creative of them.

  13. Marlene

    In Estonian Emme means mommy :)

  14. Night

    Too bad she was not watching Sponge Bob rather than Dragon Tales!! Wouldn’t it be super cute to name the kids Squidward and Patrick!! ..or even Mr Krabs for the boy…and Plankton for the girl..

  15. kel

    Whatthefuckever.Who really gives a damn about these hollywood bitches and their spawn

  16. wow !
    i wonder what their babies are gonna look like.
    with marc being so grotesquely “handsome” with his reptilic face and all..

  17. U-Know-It!

    Man, I hope those critters don’t get the daddy’s dark circles around their eyes, or his swollen nostril…YUUUUCK-O!!!! Homeboy is Fuuuug-LY!!! Fu fu fu fu fu fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuGly! He must have a massive tweety bird or his wallet is what does it for J.Ho, I mean…JLO!

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