Jennifer Lopez blesses us lowly mortals with her children’s names

March 3rd, 2008 // 67 Comments

One week after her children’s birth, Jennifer Lopez has decided that we, the little people, are worthy to know the names of her progeny. If you haven’t heard them yet, then you are in for a rare treat. Brace and humble thyself. The children’s names are: Max and Emme! *gasp* And, even better, TMZ points out they’re totally ripped from a PBS show about kids who hang out with dragons! Yay! And, also, WTF!?:

The show is made to help children learn life lessons through the sibling’s adventures, and mixes in Spanish language to promote a bilingual experience for the audience.

Being the intrepid reporter that I am, I scoped out Dragon Tales. All I have to say is Jesus, what are they teaching kids these days? In a nutshell, Emmy and Max have the worst documented case of ADD ever and constantly jet off to “Dragon Land” to kill time. I mean, whatever happened to huffing aerosol? I guess it’s not “cool” for today’s three to eight-year-old demographic. Stupid elitists; they don’t know what they’re missing. *huffs can of Axe* Yeah, that’s the molasses. Now I see dragons and reek of desperation. If I were PBS, I wouldn’t even get out of bed today. You just got P double owned, son!

Photos: Getty Images
superficial

  1. samuel

    I hate JLo the First!!

  2. mediokra

    Yeeeaaaaah! Dragon babiezzz

  3. Father of Dos

    I won’t let me kids watch Dragon Tails. For one, the dragons IQ’s seem like they are in the single digits and the “siblings” in the show act a lot like that brother and sister you knew growing up that you assumed fooled around with each other.

    Oh yeah.. because there are spells involved on the show… probably satanic.

  4. Courtney

    what is up with all of the celebrity’s naming their sons MAX???

  5. shimmy

    shes tryin to pull off the sexy, flirty-eyed mouth-half-open look. aaaand she fails.

  6. Too bad it wasn’t Mad Max from beyond the ThunderDome. She could pull of Tina Turner with that hair.

  7. Too bad it wasn’t Mad Max from beyond the ThunderDome. She could pull of Tina Turner with that hair.

  8. cookie monsta

    can\’t believe she’s not going with “DUMB” and “DUMBER” for her kids names….

  9. She looks like she’s about to sneeze.

  10. sharpeidude

    From the looks of the space alien Dad they should named them “Zoldod” and “Rimnon”.

  11. 23apples

    Why did these two adults even know about Dragon Tales? That, to me, is the creepiest part. Unless you already have kids watching PBS, you shouldn’t be.

  12. Alicef

    she was said to be found by her fans on a celebrity and millionaire dating site named “Marry Millionaire DOT com”.. but it’s not confirmed by her yet

  13. Many photos about her was posted on http://plusmingle.com – the famous big people online club

  14. Many photos about her was posted on http://plusmingle.com – the famous big people online club

  15. khe0ps

    J’Lo? I think u mean Miss Piggy …

  16. sweet

    could have been more creative

  17. shane

    What is it with pregnant Latinas and their noses spreading? It happened to Lopez, Aguilera, and now Alba.

  18. Feed It Fast

    It looks hungry and mean.

  19. Arguman

    Fat, greedy JLo and her whoring of her few days old kids is all you have for us aver three days?? come on now! :(

  20. Abdo

    really..superfish sucks so as his comments..
    respect people..have some respect for the woman and her children.

  21. jennifer lopez' ugly kid on the right

    Shane, that’s where babies come out of.

  22. sidv

    What a beauty! I haven’t seen a look this natural and fresh faced since RuPaul.

  23. absolute

    Mmmm, good for them. I saw her husband’s profile on millionaire&celeb dating site “WealthyRomance.com” last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship he is looking for on that site.

  24. She ruvvery lady.

    I not often see her profile on celebricky dating website smallminge.com any more. I can’t fin why, they love her lawn time there. Apparently.

  25. Has anyone else noticed that “Vintage Inspired” cat wallet ad pic looks like a big black cock when you scroll down quickly? Bit NSFW!

  26. Racer X

    I would’ve went with Xamot & Tomax.

    /too obscured?

  27. Johnny

    She should’ve named them Oscar & Emmy because that’s the only way she’ll get either.

  28. ReggiefukinBUSH

    She had a nose job?

  29. downthere

    WTF IS UP WITH HER NOSE?? its like all her pregnancy fat went all there into her nose. lol she must feel really ugly. i wonder how you lose the fat off your nose…………….

  30. fatso

    um, she looks like a cow. i get the feeling her career is kind of over.

  31. Heh, nice originality on their part. I’m sure the kids will love the fact that their parents have predestined them to become dragon nerds!

  32. Oh my god JLO’s nose is getting bigger and bigger and bigger. She’s turning into a lockness monster!

    http://CelebritySurgery.net

  33. juniper

    My kid used to tortur.. I mean.. watch that show with me. Suicide never looked so appealing…

  34. I hear she was gonna name them rice and beans, but then got hungry and forgot.

  35. Chauncey Gardner

    How about “Speedy” and “Slow-Poke”? Oh, wait – that’s “Rodriguez”!

  36. sb

    Doing makeup on a nose like that takes an extra 20 minutes of shading and contouring and highlighting. And you still look like you’ve got a big flat nose , but now it’s 3 different shades as well.

  37. She has that sexy “do I smell pork chops?” look in her eyes again…

  38. yoli

    Great now I can sleep again !!!! WTF is wrong with this biotch? Is this supposed to be a mini series produced by Jlo productions. every week the Ego machine is spitting out more info on these kids. GO AWAY ALREADY LIKE YOU PROMISED. PLEEEEAASE !!!!

  39. Auntie Kryst

    I wonder if they will hire an anglo nanny?

  40. Sex Nuts & Retard Strong

    I’m a little disappointed this site hasn’t covered the more important news on JLo, and that is that the titty fairy arrived. For too many years her CTAR was way off (for you non-physicians, that’s Chest To Ass Ratio). Hopefully now her boobs are bigger, which means better. Granted, to be proportional to her ass they’d have to be the size of Humvee, but still, any improvement is good. Betcha she bitch-slaps that skinny wimp of a husband of hers every time he tries to touch them. She looks angry. Then again, angry sex is good. Very good.

  41. mw

    @38
    Making fun of celebrities is one thing, but accusing J-Lo of cannibalism is going too far. Have you no sense of decency?

  42. D. Richards (Grip.)

    Many people aren’t aware but the name Max, in Spanish, is a literal translantion for a dog’s bowel movement.

  43. Son-of D. Richards

    Translation*

  44. boo

    Other than the stupid spammers, just about every comment has cracked me up. I have to get off this site so I can drink my coffee without choking every 10 seconds.

  45. bonner

    JBlo? cant someone ship’er back to portorico or whatevr the fuck shes from? she’s beyond nauseating. shes gross, gross, gross. a rat with a wig on, bleahhhhhhhhhhhhh

  46. ice dragon

    She looks like the classic crack whore.

  47. Pfftt

    What is it with pregnant Latinas and their noses spreading? It happened to Lopez, Aguilera, and now Alba.

    LMFAO!!! ^5

  48. Pfftt

    What is it with pregnant Latinas and their noses spreading? It happened to Lopez, Aguilera, and now Alba.

    LMFAO!!! ^5

  49. Pfftt

    What is it with pregnant Latinas and their noses spreading? It happened to Lopez, Aguilera, and now Alba.

    LMFAO!!! ^5

  50. @38 – see, now I thought that look kind of said, “My chancletas are too fucking tight”

Leave A Comment