Jennifer Garner shot down Tom Cruise

January 15th, 2008 // 73 Comments

Before marrying Katie Holmes and turning her into a zombie, Tom Cruise tried having relationships with Penelope Cruz and Sofia Vergara. He also unsuccessfully tried to land Ben Affleck’s current bride Jennifer Garner, according to Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography written by Princess Di biographer Andrew Morton. Us Weekly reports:

Morton writes that Cruise left messages on the Alias star’s voice mail in 2004 asking “if she knew what freedom was,” but his advances were rebuffed.

Tom Cruise’s pick-up line: Do you know what freedom is? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t involve standing on a step-stool that reads “Tommy’s Helper” to wash your hands. That’s just my educated guess. Of course, I can’t say I’ve ever felt the thrill of driving a car with alphabet blocks strapped to my feet, so maybe Tom Cruise knows something I don’t.

Photos: Getty Images
superficial

  1. put the ugly people in the back

    gross

  2. lisa

    love the dress!

  3. burn

    OOH TOM YOU SO SHORT YOUR PENIS TOUCHES THE URINAL AND NOT BECAUSE ITS LONG BECAUSE IT AINT

  4. She is my hero. Now if she could only get Katie Homes out there with that alien baby Suri..

  5. She may not be very smart, but at least she’s smart enough not to date the midget Tom!

  6. Zin

    FIRST you miserable cunts

  7. Shallow Val

    Love her. Gorgeous, tall, in awesome shape, active, into her kid, nice person (seemingly)….what’s not to love….?

  8. @5 who is a miserable cunt? You weren’t even second dip shit!!

  9. Mancini

    Do you know what freedom is? It’s being married to a rich husband who never wants to touch you.

  10. lad

    She is gorgeous. I like her. seems saw her before on a celebrity and millioniare dating site like millionairefriends.com or something.

  11. #6 – you are as lame as Tom Cruise!

  12. put the ugly people in the back

    What is wrong with Tom does he have some kind of glutten for emmasculation thing with wanting to date women taller than him, although there aren’t many that are shorter. Maybe the tallies remind him of the men he wishes he was banging. This chick was a lways slightly butch so maybe that’s why.

    Anyfudge, here is a funny video of Tom recruiting for scientolgy.

    http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20171789,00.html

    isn’t it funny how this big tell all biography is coming out and katie holmes is doing the talk show rounds talking about how Maigical being a Mom and being married to Tommy boy is.

  13. Gerald_Tarrant

    I hate when an 8 marries a 3. Chin Affleck is such a douche.

    I think the story is wrong though. Tom actually just wanted to have sex with Ben. He probably did since they both LTC.

  14. Spazz

    That’s hot – he tried the speech from Braveheart as a pickup line. I gotta try that one.

  15. Vince Lombardi

    I used to love Jennifer Garner. Before she married Ben Aflak (he’s gotta be pissed at Gilbert Gottfried!), started wearing tons of makeup on a naturally beautiful face, stopped taking care of her hair, and started wearing some kind of sundress with POCKETS! Jeezus, Jen.

    It’s not too late for you. You were the “it” girl and then you married a guy who’s going to end up being known as “that dweeb in Daredevil” and “Casey Affleck’s brother.” You *know* celebrity marriages never work. Cut your losses now while you’re still young and pretty, get yourself back on the market, and I’ll scoop you up. I’m rich and famous. I’m also dead, but then, so is your career, so you know what that’s like. Work with me.

  16. D. Richards (Whore.)

    I must say: Hilarious! Not only is Tom Cruise one incredibly strange, and, well just a weird little person, but his beloved wife, the mother of his ‘beautiful’ baby girl — the woman he married — was his sixth, or seventh choice!

    I wonder how that must make lobotomized Katie Homes feel. I bet it feels just great. It feels good to be special.

    What balls that guy has; Tommy’s balls are filled with arrogance. ‘Hey, you. Yeah, you. You know who I am? Yeah, that’s right, I’m Tom Cruise. So what’s up? You wanna marry me? I’m Tom Cruise. You wanna be my wife, my slave, believe in what I believe in? I’m Tom Cruise. You really (..) want to be set free? I know freedom. I’m Tom Cruise. I also know medicine, and the history of the Earth. I’m Tom Cruise. I’m a genius. You want to have a baby with me? We’ll name her Suri. She’ll be beaut.. No? No?! I’m Tom Cruise. You don’t wanna marry me.. You’ll burn in L. Ron’s rectum for this.’

    Xenu out! Thetans..

  17. The Office Whore

    His next line was “I am a robot. I have a robot vagina.”

  18. Gerald_Tarrant

    Tom: Do you know what freedom is?
    Jen: Yes.
    Tom: Next beard applicant.
    ————————————–
    Tom: Do you know what freedom is?
    Katie: Umm, I’m not sure, I was on Dawson’s Creek is all I know.
    Tom: Let me explain. Freedom is something everyone wants, it is even in the U.S. national anthem. Freedom means being locked up in a basement and brainwashed to believe our bodies are inhabited by aliens. Everyone in America wants freedom.
    Katie: Sure, I guess.

  19. put the ugly people in the back

    #13. Gerald_Tarrant Ben Affleck from such films as umm … no no Leo Dicaprio was in that one and uhhh nope I’m drawing a blank but, anyway Matt Damon’s best boyfriend and the guy who once starred in his fat ass girlfriend’s music video gets a 3, are you serious?

    In my books he gets at least a
    negative 1,000,000. At least.

  20. William Wallace knows what freedom is

  21. put the ugly people in the back

    #18 Gerald , LOL LOL LOL!!!

  22. p0nk

    TCLTC

  23. Auntie Kryst

    I know what freedom is. It’s going “clear” on an E-meter, and being free of my life savings. Suck on that Thetans!

  24. havoc

    Creepy.

    More Star Trek religious principles.

    Good for her for recognizing bullshit when she hears it and dodging that bullet.

    .

  25. Ript1&0

    Arrggg. Get out of my head.

  26. Gerald_Tarrant

    You know, sometimes you feel that your hatred of some people is irrational. I thought maybe I hated Ben for no reason. Hell, I don’t like Brad Pitt, but that is irrational, I have liked almost all of Brad’s movies and enjoy his acting. Brad is also living here in New Orleans and helping to get this city rebuilt. So why don’t I like him? No idea. Prototypical frat boy that I love to stomp? Maybe.

    I went to IMDB and looked up Ben Affleck. Although I have liked some of the movies he has been in, I hate his acting. He sucked and was the big pile of crap in all of his films. Admittedly there may have been more than one shit piles in the film, but Ben has been a turd in everything. So my hatred of Ben is justified.

  27. Shallow Val

    26 – You said it in one brother. Also, he put his whang into Jennifer Lopez so that in itself places him into the human trash can category. (shivvers in disgust)

  28. I agree with #22.

  29. Anonymous

    Hey lad:

    Hi there, I’m a loser with no life. I’m paid $3.50 per hour to post idiotic drivel, directing you to some lame dating website that takes your money and gives you nothing in return. I have no job, so I sit around all day and post this garbage on as many websites as I can under many different aliases. I don’t have any friends, so I must rely on these moronic posts to make myself feel better about myself. My mother hates me and dropped me on my head as a child. You can find me at I’mAnIdiotTrollWithNoLifeAndShouldBeKilled.com
    I heard Jamie Lynn Spears met her older man, I mean match, at this site.

    Richromances.com and all those other fucking dating sites that get spammed around here are all registered to this asshole. Du Qiang ecomfun@aol.com 800 West El Camino Real, #180 Mountain View, California 94040 United States 650-906-0405

  30. my comment

    Black pumps and a sun dress?

    She’s looking cute, but gee, I don’t know.. her fashion sense is all wrong.

  31. Liz

    Looks like he perfers burnettes.

  32. PunkA

    She is one hot MILF. Wow, Affleck is a lucky dude. How he finally got smart and went from the loser JLo to this fine piece I will never know. Guess he finally got immune to the drugs JLo fed him. Heaven is between her wickets.

  33. Webster

    31 – do you mean “brunettes?” …”the feminine diminutive of ‘brun’ meaning brown…”

    (rolls eyes)

  34. edamame

    Anyone see Katie on Letterman last night?! She’s adopted the same speech pattern and descriptive words as Tom….who LTC, by the way. It was very freaky to watch her.

    And those choppy BANGS have got to go, sister! I realize that is the only BANGING you’ve gotten lately…but it looks as though Suri got hold of some teeny
    scissors and went to town.

    Suri cRUISe…way to get creative with letters.

  35. Webster

    31 – “perfers”

    “Middle English preferren, from Anglo-French preferrer, from Latin praeferre to put before, prefer, from prae- + ferre to carry”

    Are you making joke on Borat???

  36. edamame

    If it’s true that when you have sex with a person…you are having sex with everyone that they have had sex with…I shudder to to follow the trail of Jennifer and Ben’s partners! Jennifer and Ben, Ben and JLo, JLo and so many strange fuckers…hello, Marc (Gollum) and P. Diddy (who will put his dick into ANYTHING)…..just, YIKES!

    Although….Michael Vartan was a wise choice by Jennifer! Yummy!

  37. ER

    I heard a while back that before he met Katie Holmes, he THOUGHT he had been given Kate Beckinsale’s #. Katie must be so proud, “He picked me after trying to date 80 other celebs. I’m such a lucky girl.”

  38. my comment

    I’ve been trying to post a video link for the last half hour. What is wrong with this site?

  39. FCS

    So Joker and Viper and the Russians couldn’t shot Tommy girl down but this chick did? I’m impressed.

  40. Chauncey Gardner

    Wow, I can’t imagine the beautiful spawn that Capt. Overbite and Skull-Face might have generated.

  41. Do you know what freedom is?

    Feeling
    Raunchy
    Englishmen
    Ejaculate
    Dickjuice
    On
    Me

    TCLTC……..

  42. shanipie

    God I am so in love with her

  43. haroof

    good for her…but what’s with the waxy face?

  44. Corny

    Sofia Vergara ?!?!? Hmmmm….. Maybe he’s NOT crazy!!

  45. DVD

    I think brave heart knows that freedom hehehehehe.

  46. Where did her tits go?
    Is that Mr. Ed’s daughter?

  47. #41 – Stallion, I bow to your anagramedness…

  48. gigi

    C-R-E-E-P–O–R-A-M-A…………. btw, @ #41 that’s hot Italian Stallion…

  49. I would just like everybodys attention for one moment please because I have a major announcement to make:

    I JIMBO AM AN ASS HOLE DRIPPING WITH SHIT

  50. daizycakes

    I remember also reading that he went after Kate Bosworth, but she was with Orlando Bloom at the time and not interested. Reading that he was after Kate Beckinsale too is just weird. Does he have a thing for girls called “Kate”? Wow.

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