Jennifer Garner has a baby girl

January 7th, 2009 // 33 Comments

Hey, remember Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck? Me neither, but apparently they had some sort of kid yesterday, according to People:

The actress’s rep says: “Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck gave birth to a healthy baby girl.”
The baby was born Tuesday in Los Angeles. No other details were immediately available. Garner and Affleck, both 36, are also parents to daughter Violet, 3.

Since I’m devilishly handsome, I happen to have the name of Jennifer and Ben’s new baby girl right here. It’s “God, I Wish You Were a Viable Acting Career Instead of a Baby Elizabeth Affleck.” Now that’s adorable. Congratulations, you crazy kids.


  1. leelee


  2. Deacon Jones

    She lloks like Eric Stolz in “The Mask”

  3. Captain-Insano

    Wow. She was always one step away from being ugly. Step taken.

  4. blah

    damn that is going to be one ugly kid ……….

  5. blp

    Jennifer Garner. Dude looks like a lady!

  6. The Douche Wibbler Whisperer

    Ben is a douche. Jen looks mildly retarded. Pretty, but ‘tarded. Most children of famous people grow up to be spoiled douche wibblers. I don’t give one shit, let alone 2 shits about celeb kids. These kids get everything, while others starve. But then again, I’m a big fan of not breeding, letting the population die out, and giving another species a chance, because humanity is one big moron orgy.

  7. hendero

    “Jennifer…and….Ben…..gave birth to a baby girl.” Uh, no, Ben didn’t give birth to anything, except a hideous acting career, and that was years ago. He’s much less hateable now that he’s almost completely out of the news. If he moved to the far side of Pluto he might even move up to forgotten and forgiven.

    And for everyone who claims Jennifer Garner is “ugly”, please. If any of you every spoke to someone ever half as hot you’d be wanking yourselves over the moment the rest of your lives.

  8. Heroes every one

    Damn our boys in the Gaza are sure kickin’ ass!

  9. She keeps cosmetologists employed.

  10. HankTheDwarf

    The pictures of Ben Affleck leading around that special needs lady by the hand are nice. Now where’s Jennifer Garner?

  11. devilsrain

    Couldnt make a boy huh ben? Im sure these two idiots will unfortunately try again.

  12. eatshitthendiet

    Remember when there was speculation over Ben Affleck having hair-plugs? Obviously he doesn’t, because he’s flat-out balding now.

    “Wow. She was always one step away from being ugly. Step taken.”
    Yeah, 10 years ago.
    “And for everyone … you’d be wanking yourselves … the rest of your lives.”
    Guys wank the rest of their lives anyway.
    Guys wank over the stupidest most awful shit on Earth anyway.
    Wanking over meeting JGarner, does not mean she is attractive.
    The point made, is pointless.

  13. Vince Lombardi

    Kid names to go with Violet:

    Burnt Sienna
    Atomic Tangerine
    Yankee Doodle Dandelion
    Whammo Frisbee
    Purple Mountain’s Majesty

    Ben, Jennifer…. you’re welcome.

  14. poon tang

    jennifer’s man-jaw out in full force.

  15. Mike Hawk

    Looks like Ben and Corky are thrilled about it.

  16. Vince Lombardi

    Okay, I have to defend Jennifer somewhat. I only looked at pic #1 and didn’t the angle didn’t immediately make me see she’s 9 months preggers in the photo. So I said, “Damn, everyone who’s hating on Jen is right. WTF happened?” But I then checked out ALL the photos and came to realize that:

    A) She’s waaaaay pregnant, therefore:
    B) Her face is waaaay swollen, so:
    C) She didn’t wear any makeup (because pregnant wimmen are as unpredictable as ‘good pets gone bad’)

    So I’m going to give her a bye on this one. Your mileage may vary.

  17. Cash

    Congrats to them both.

    Now please Ben, could you keep your damn dick out of her long enough for her to get back to work because God know’s your ass isn’t bringing in the big bucks these days. Seriously, she’s only got a few more years tops, so let the lady do her thing, and then go all Catholic crazy with the no condoms sexfest.

  18. Bleh! I was hoping this post would be about these two dying in a fiery crash involving Sandra Bullock, Perez Hilton and a short bus full of Juggalos.

  19. rhabhekkha

    I still can’t look at Ben Affleck without associating him with that douche from Fashionable Male.

  20. fs1

    and to think…I wanted to tap that in Coyote Ugly…

    the wonders of makeup never cease to amaze.


  21. Why would you wish dont on people you dont know Back Wood Bitch? are you trying to be outrageous?

  22. just me

    A note to Jennifer Garner’s rep:

    FYI – Ben Affleck did not give birth to anything or anyone. He may have been somewhere in the vicinity when JENNIFER GARNER GAVE BIRTH TO A BABY GIRL.
    You’re welcome.

  23. SATAN

    this beast needs to be made infertile and shunned from society

    oooooo it feels so SATAN to say that aboutta bitch

  24. Nicky

    whoever said pregnay makes a woman look good…

  25. speaker of the ppl

    What a gross and ugly couple.

  26. Jeff W.

    Wow, pregnancy has just destroyed her! She looks like a man in a wig. I bet Ben is kicking himself that he married such a homely person – talk about a bait and switch!

  27. lola richie

    She looks REALLY GOOD for being 9 months preggers and with no makeup on! How HORRIBLE it would be to have these pictures taken of any of us. I never liked her but she isn’t a fake barbie or sellout like most of Hollywood. No one can help how they look unless they go under the knife- which is highly criticised by the jealous people who want to do it themselves. Leave her alone. She will be a wonderful mother again! Congrats

  28. This is the last time jenn.

  29. carrot in my snatch

    Man she really REALLY went downhill since Alias, didn’t people think she was so hot because of that show, I never watched it, but I was like “oh no, no, no, no you can’t fool me, you’re ugly, nice try, very sneaky with that wholeshe-spy thing and the outfits, but no”. and even so she really looks a 100 times worse then she did back then, her face always freaked me out.

  30. carrot in my snatch

    LOL at #21 and 23.

  31. Serafina

    That is my name damnit! I don’t remember anyone asking me if it was ok! UGH!

  32. Now Ben, please, you own it long enough for her damn dick can hire out to get back to work, because God knows their ass these days do not bring in big bucks. Seriously, he only has a few more years, tops, two women work, and then to go all crazy with Catholics no sexfest condoms.

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