Jennifer Garner & Ben Affleck’s new baby’s name proves I’m 33.3% omnipotent

January 13th, 2009 // 35 Comments

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have revealed their new baby girl’s name to the folks at People, and it’s Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck – which sounds oddly familiar. Hmm, let’s take a look at the post some handsome devil wrote when the baby was born:

I happen to have the name of Jennifer and Ben’s new baby girl right here. It’s “God, I Wish You Were a Viable Acting Career Instead of a Baby Elizabeth Affleck.”

Yup, it’s official: I’m psychic. Of course, I already knew that and will now predict today’s PowerBall:

4, Panda bear, F7, &, Burrito with a jetpack, 6, Elmo.

I’ll be in touch to discuss my cut of the winnings. I know where you live.

Photos: WENN
superficial

  1. suaveischeap

    Can the girl not afford shampoo anymore since the demise of her viable acting career?

  2. Joline

    Cute couple. They appear to be happy. But I saw his personal ID on millionaire & celebrity dating club ^^^^^^MillionaireLoving. C O M^^^^^^ yesterday. What is he looking for on that site?

  3. juniper

    pregnancy makes her look really plain.

  4. leelee

    with a name like that you need to be born in to money…….this kid parents are poor so its gunna have a rough time and i know everyone says babys are cute and all but i bet is UGLY haha

  5. Minty

    @3 I like that she looks “plain”. It makes her real, not like the rest of the plastic women in hollywood.

  6. SouthAfricanHotti

    SOUTH africa rocks babe…im number four!!!!

  7. #1isaretard

    #1 her hair is wet you douche

  8. Joana

    What’s with this give-your-kid-twenty-names thing, in celebrity world these days? It’s like they end up giving the kids every name that ever ran in the family, there’s not even a middle name anymore! I bet they’ll end up calling her Polly, or something… How do you even pronounce “Seraphina”?

  9. Elementary & Middle School classmates

    We LOVE oddly name kids…..

  10. Jeff W.

    I feel so badly for the children of celebrities who are given such stupid names. Also, is it just me or has Jennifer Garner completely lost her looks? She looks like a man now. Pregnancy ruins women.

  11. Jeff W.

    I feel so badly for the children of celebrities who are given such stupid names. Also, is it just me or has Jennifer Garner completely lost her looks? She looks like a man now. Pregnancy ruins women.

  12. Nothing beats the name Lisa Bonet gave her kid. I can’t even spell that many letters.

    But if you’re looking for a standard child name, I think Little Billy works quite well. I saw a hilarious video about a Little Billy, his desperate father, and the guy who got trampled to death at Wal-Mart. You should check it out:

    http://blog.digitalfuntown.com/dft-blog/2009/1/13/little-billys-got-a-secret.html

  13. @7

    …………………./´¯/)………..
    ………………..,/¯../……………
    ………………./…./…………….
    ………/“/´¯/’—’/´¯¯`o¸………
    ……../’/…/…./……./¨¯\……….
    …….(‘(…´…´…. ¯~/’…’)…….
    ……..\……………..’…../……..
    ………..\…………..(…………..
    ………….\………….\………….
    F U C K OFF AND EAT MY S H I T

  14. Tatiana

    omnipotent means all powerful, which i’m sure you are too, at least 33.3% anyway, but omniscent is the word you wanted since it means “all knowing.”

  15. cod piece

    haha! good job, superficial writer! i’ve always believed in you…

  16. Ummm...yeah...

    #15 I don’t see anything remotely funny in what that asswipe Fish wrote…
    STFU asshole….ummm….yeah….you too Fucked up Fish…

  17. I predict about now Ben Affleck really misses being the lesser half of Bennifer…

    #14 – Tatiana is the feminine form of Tatius, a Roman family clan name, which I’m sure decribes you perfectly, but I think the word you wanted is douche, since pompous beeotch is technically a description and not a word, you pompous beeotch.

  18. Kaiser

    Two good reasons for staying single.

  19. partypants

    I basically just gave birth to a littler of kittens reading your powerball numbers. lmfao

  20. killerabbit

    Oh come on, Fish, give yourself some more credit. You got the Affleck part correct, too. I think predicting 2 names out of 4 makes you 50% omnipotent.

  21. Oh Ben Affleck what happened to Dazed and Confused?

  22. Emma

    Omnipotent? Do you mean omniscient?

    Omnipotent = All-powerful
    Omniscient = All-knowing

    Of course, the Superficial writer likely qualifies as both.

  23. YouTube

    Who cares about average looking actors……?

  24. Me 2

    As far as kooky names go, this one could be worse. They’ll probably end up calling her Sera.

  25. it'ssara

    ^yeah, but that’s spelled wrong. duh

  26. LondonBabe

    They look like brother and sister

  27. kate

    Someone on ***seekingsugarmomma. c om*** upload their dating photo. Many interesting information was public on that site. I like that site so much, let me know so many celebrities’ things.

  28. GOD……………………………such parents?

  29. gizmoduck

    Burrito with a jetpack: best thing ever.

  30. Is it wrong for a woman to have extramarital relationship?? these days, some news reported

    that some celebrities joined the famous online dating club
    __________interracialromancing.c o m____________
    and they are seeking someone else there though they have husband or wife else….They

    said,they do not care which races guys or beauties come from …

  31. puhleez

    It’s too bad you can’t just grow a baby in some kind of baby farm so the woman’s looks and sex appeal don’t go straight to hell afterwards.

  32. They are so happy, and I heard that they met each other on meetwealthy. com, now, I also met my Mr Right here. so, I feel so lucky. Good for you.

  33. The name of their baby is beautiful, I love the name Elizabeth..sounds sweet and love..

  34. Regarding the kooky names go, it could be worse. They probably end up calling him Sera.

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