Jennifer Aniston: ‘What is this? Nipple Day? I’m in.’

July 31st, 2008 // 75 Comments

Suddenly, Jennifer Aniston’s nipple sonar went off: Somebody was popping nips and their name wasn’t Jennifer Aniston.

“I’ll see about this,” Jennifer said. She quickly turned to her assistant. “Ice me.”

“But, miss-”

“I SAID, ‘ICE ME!’”

Several cold seconds later, Jennifer Aniston’s nipples were primed like rockets in a missile silo. She motioned for her driver to stop near a pack of paparazzi. Jessica Alba, Rihanna: a day of reckoning is upon thee.

Jennifer Aniston exited the vehicle and immediately began pointing at objects with almost laser-guided precision. Inside her head a maniacal, yet genius, monologue ensued:

“Is that a rock? Now it’s a rock being pointed at by my nipples. What are you drinking? A latte? Now it’s a latte being pointed at by my nipples. Say, is that a bird?”

And then it happened: Jennifer Aniston’s assistant, clearly gone suicidal, attempted to block the nipples with her purse. Her body would later be found in a sand dune on a Mexican beach. The police deduced the culprit’s identity by the two punctures wound in the back, but who would dare prosecute? Anyone worth their badge knew you didn’t go after the nipples. Not in this town. Not in any town…

Photos: Flynet
superficial

  1. Where's Darkwing Duck?

    I love you superfish

  2. Hydra

    Nice looking body. I would hit it.

  3. Randal

    Thanks for posting about Jennifer, for she’s been out of the spotlight for awhile now and certainly needs to be in it more often, especially with her new movie on the horizon.

    Jennifer, you’ve done a wonderful job with yourself since the end of the hit TV series Friends and I’ve loved every movie you’ve been in! Looking forward to the future.

    xoxo

    Randal

  4. JM

    Wow, check out the ribs on that sucker. That’s one hell of an offroad tire.

  5. Eric

    See? There’s no comparison between Ms. Aniston and that mudgirl earlier.

  6. Deacon Jones

    Mmmmm…reminds me of the divorced MILF I bagged at Seacrets in Ocean City, Maryland two years ago.

    I cant believe none of you fuckers have heard of that place, its fucking spectacular.

  7. JimmyBachaFungool

    She is an evil C U Next Tuesday. I hate her.

  8. Ted from LA

    Friends. The worst show in the history of TV. Her tits are looking fake. Inside job?

  9. JWM

    Deacon Jones, I grew up in MD. Seacrets is the *bestest* place to catch STDs.

  10. Suck…..suck hard……suck deep…..dry them out

  11. former ocean city girl

    #6 yes I do agree with you about Seacrets.

  12. Amazing…I seemed to see she had a personal account on the wealthy dating club ***w e a l t h y l o v e s. c om*** for hot guys and girls to hook up for Hot Love and Sexy Dating. Her blog was updated very often. Lots of guys joined in her friend circle there.

  13. jay

    nice titties. would like to titty-fuck her and blast her face with my love juice. great pics.

  14. Erica

    Ted. Ted Ted Ted. Tederino. Tedaramalama. The Tedinator. Teeeeeeeeed.

    thirtysomething.

    Before your time?

  15. Ted from LA

    Jay,
    If you’re going to “blast her in the face”, it’s probably not “love” juices your squirting.

  16. steve

    Looking good Jen. Pic 4 is delightful, a nice ass shot. Hike the skirt up and go for it!! Big fan !!

  17. Ted from LA

    Erica, my love, I was probably 30something while 30something was on TV.

  18. silent bob

    blast her in the face with love juice, sniper her eyes with warm salty hate, same diff.

  19. Snarf

    Lol, very funny!

    Ice me!

  20. rough daddy

    those tities are screaming look at me!! please,,,

  21. Barak Obama

    #4, nice observation! LOL

  22. adeliza

    Ted-

    You have obviously never seen “Momma’s Family” or “Golden Girls”.

    Unfortunately I have, thanks to my Grandparents, God rest their souls.

    OH! And don’t get me started on “Punky Brewster”.

  23. Deacon Jones

    @11

    Sweet, someone!

    Drink’s this Saturday night?

  24. Gits

    Friends is the the worst show in TV history if you do your rankings based on completely undeserved praise and high ratings. Shows like Momma’s Family and Golden Girls satisfy niche audiences, specifically the type of people we try to stay away from in real life. Friends was the unfunny and excruciatingly fake-emotional show that everybody loved, just like the girl with the nice tits who everybody wants to fuck even though, if they took a moment, they’d see she’s an unsexy drama queen bitch. In other words, Jennifer Aniston.

  25. ( )( )

    Her as looks incredible in the 4th pic this woman is in amazing shape. Hate to bring up the stupid comparissons, but I bet Brad wished he could have this body and tan with Angies head. Now that would be a good woman and someone else’s personality of course because I hear they are both fucking bitches.

  26. Ahhhh haaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa

    G D dats some funny ass shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  27. One

    I gotta admit, the girl has a nice rack (and thats coming from a heterosexual woman). She’s got a great body too; too bad she’s pretty much a butterface. The only thing attractive on her head is her hair.

  28. GrandpaMccain

    #12 GO F-yourself with that stupid site. After I pork and probe Jenn in that love crack of hers, i’m gonna wipe the dung off on the face of #12!!!

  29. Joy

    This is so stupid. There is nothing odd or iced about her breast and/or nipples. Her hair, face shape, eyes, breast and the rest of her body are beautiful. I don’t see the problem. It’s not just 40 year olds who want her body. It is anyone from 10 to 100, so I think she is doing just fine. Props for her stand on childhood and adulthood disease, etc… She is amazing!!!!

  30. Ted Mosby

    I love her nipples.

  31. Pussy_Galore

    Word to #30. At least her nipples do not look like hot dogs as “darkies” do from a couple of posts back.

  32. james

    wonder if she likes getting nipple twists

  33. BigDaddy

    Geez, @31 give it a rest already, I hope you get raped by a “darkie”!!

  34. kenny

    Jen can probably suck a mean cock. I was hoping for a pussy shot as she was getting out of the car.

  35. adran

    I believe she’s wearing an underwire to prop up her tits. Ha-haha!! Otherwise they’ll be saggin big time.

  36. big z

    she is my favorite. Someone told me she is datting a young billlionaire on -”"”"”NYwealthyMatch . c o m”"”. What kind of relationship she is looking for on that site? Long-term relationship or just a dating?

  37. wanks

    fuck all of you that say she is an ugly jew….I WOULD FUCK THE SHIT OUTTA OF HER LITERALLY!!! SHE IS FUCKING INSANELY HOT!!!!!!!!!!!

  38. Ted from LA

    Kenny,
    My guess is you could not be further from the truth with your first prediction.

  39. Harry Ballzack

    #4 – I don’t know where YOU are from, but where I’m from, that is considered a freeway tread
    and shame on you for even noticing a tire next to that rack

  40. tess

    What a stupid statement, I need no ice cube’s my nips always stick outward gosh do i love it. Jen looks real sexy nothing fake about her nipples. I can’t even believe i commenting on this stupid crap whoever came up with this is stupid

  41. Cindy

    She has a bra with built in nipples. She sure fooled you guys. Her and Mayer are good at that.

  42. Cindy

    She has a bra with built in nipples. She sure fooled you guys. Her and Mayer are good at that.

  43. Lea

    sugar mama is trying desperately to keep her young man.

  44. current OC girl

    Shout out to all the Ocean City, MD. fans. I live about 30 mins from OC. Seacrets is awesome. So is Jennifer by the way.

  45. Now that’s a peach!

  46. Randal <3′s penis. :D

  47. Weedhopper

    .

    Aniston makes pokies boring.

    Like putting a tank top on a milk cow.

    .

  48. wgn

    #34 – Actually she is quite lame in the sack. Hence more dumps than a Sumo wrestler on a peanut farm.

  49. WOW….can you say motor boat ?

  50. These things are holding up okey for a 143123412 year old.

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