Jennifer Aniston wants Mr. T’s house

May 9th, 2006 // 47 Comments

After several months of house hunting, Jennifer Aniston has decided to buy Mr. T’s $13 million Illinois mansion so she can be closer to Vince Vaughn. Although I can’t even imagine what the inside of that house must look like. Gold chains everywhere, a framed a portrait of Mr. T himself, and the phrase “I pity the fool!” written on every wall in the house. “I pity the fool who doesn’t decorate his house with permanent marker!”


  1. Celeb_Hater


  2. Celeb_Hater

    I win! BTW- Vince Vaughn is about 100000000 steps down from Brad Pitt.

  3. Did Mr. T really make enough between Rocky III and the A-Team to buy 13 million dollar house?

    And I imagine this is really a 2 bedroom shack, it’s just made out of gold chains.

  4. Dr.Rokter


    I was going to ask the same thing. I thought it would have been something welded together during a montage scene out of an old pickup and some corrugated steel.

  5. BarbadoSlim

    I pity Vince Vaughn, I wonder if he knows that he’s hanging around with the psycho girlfriend from hell.
    Witness as another promising actor’s career is flushed down the shitube of history by the crapiness that is aniston.

  6. sweetcheeks

    Stay in vitamins! Take all your drugs! Don’t do school and stop all that jibba-jabba!

  7. bunnyloo

    Um, I’m sure it didn’t cost 13 million, in like 1983 when Mr T bought it. It was probably around 20 bucks. You know, the real estate market being what it is and all.

  8. ziggurat

    I feel bad for Mr. T. You know, for your entire fame and popularity being for being ridiculous?

  9. BarbadoSlim

    “I want Balboa, you mine Balboa…”

    It’s the, Eye of the tiger, he’s the king of the fight, rising up…

    oh God.

  10. eastboundanddown

    I used to live down the street from Mr. T. In the mid 80s when he bought the house he cut down a tree in the front yard. The yard had about 100 trees. One of the neighbors said to him, “Boy. Why are you cutting down that beautiful tree?” Mr. T doesn’t like being called Boy. He proceeded to cut down every tree in his yard.

  11. Trotter

    Jennifer Aniston reminds me of a girlfriend from college who got in a car accident and needed cranio-facial reconstruction. Before the surgery.

  12. heifferzzz

    #11 was this girlfriend called Celine Dion because that would explain everything and all my problems would be solved!

  13. Trotter


    *sniffle* I hate to admit its true. In my defense, I’m a blind, parapalegic dwarf with fecal halitosis.

  14. Binky

    Before she buys, someone should make sure Jen realizes there’s a difference between being ‘A’ Team and ‘A’ List.

  15. Pearly

    #2 at least he’s funny! Jen is probably hoping some of his funny will rub off on her but it hasn’t. Pity.

  16. I think this whole story is a hoax. I heard on a Chicago radio talk show that this is all a scam started by the real estate agents trying to sell property in the area. THe houses in the area supposedly aren’t selling so hot. So these real estate agents started this hoax to get people to try to buy real estate in the area thinking they’d have Jennifer Aniston as their neighbor.

  17. PapaHotNuts

    God, it would be great if Mr. T would hide in a closet, and every now and then, would run out and punch Jennifer Anniston in the back of the head when she isn’t looking and then run back to the closet, giggling. That is a great visual if you take a second to think about it.

  18. Dr.Rokter

    Iremember when Mr. T. had a boxing match with Rowdy Roddy Piper. That fight was *totally* fixed.

  19. Grphdesi23

    Watching Jen buying several mansions to try and stay close to Vince is like watching a game of monopoly.

    Too bad she will own Boardwalk.

  20. Grphdesi23

    Watching Jen trying to buy nearly every mansion per state to stay close to Vince is like watching a game of monopoly.

    Too bad she will never own Boardwalk.

  21. Mr. Fritz

    Hey Sweetcheeks, “I need work!” Jennifer Anniston is boring and ugly. Vince Vaughn lost coolness points for fucking her.

  22. SheasGirl

    I like Vince Vaughn WAY better then Brad Pitt…

  23. marder

    that’s not 13 million dollars…its 13 million POUNDS. I can’t believe mr t ever owned a house that expensive.

  24. Moriarty


  25. sweetcheeks

    Moriarty — my email address is I’ve always wanted a British penpal. Please write. Yours truly,
    Sweet Cheeks

  26. sweetcheeks

    P.S. — For the rest of you, hate mail is not only welcomed, it is encouraged.

  27. Iambananas

    Do I like Jennifer Aniston… no. Do I lie Vince Vaughn… YES!

  28. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I used to live next door to Jennifer Aniston in 1990. She was always banging her screen door and crying really loud but she never had any visitors. One time I came over because I felt bad. Her house smelled like sour milk and she kept trying to show me the tricks she learned at Cloyd’s beauty school, like how to wax your vagina upside down on the couch and putting chicken cutlets in your bra. Problem is the chicken was cooked and she had a hard time telling her vagina from the couch. I left the fruit cake I had brought on the floor and snuck out when she went to fetch her Bratz doll collection so we could play “Phobe and Monica”.

  29. Fisher55

    i used to live next door to Vince Vaughn in 1993, but he would always want to come over and sit on my face so I moved

  30. 86

    Jennifer is neurotic. She needs Vince because he’s fun.

    Kinda like how Angelina is a dominatrix. She needs a whipping post and Brad is the perfect man for the job. Because he suuuuucks!

  31. gogoboots

    What a weird turn of events…why is she moving to Illinois again and why doesn’t she move in with Vince?

  32. MystressJade

    #30 Fish – Vince used to do that to me too, but he broke it off cause he said you were better.

    Can you give me some pointers? I want to keep my next prey..I mean “man” happy….

  33. Jacq

    Fuck the walls – she has just enough skin between her nose and top lip to sharpie in a perfect Captain Morgan moustache. She’s also got enough chin to blow creative artwork at.

  34. Stacyy

    ok not to sound stupid or anything, maybe its cuz i live the meditteranean but who the fuck is mr.T

  35. Stacyy

    ok not to sound stupid or anything, maybe its cuz i live the meditteranean but who the fuck is mr.T

  36. Trotter

    I’d like to see Jack White do pooh paintings on the inside of her horsey skull.

  37. Jonboy in SF

    Hmmm…the “cutting down all the trees in his yard” story is true so I can’t imagine why old fug-face Aniston would want a tree-less estate, esp. considering how she likes to avoid the paparazzi and hide behind trees…

  38. Fa Cube Itches

    34 – Oh come now. You know a “Captain Morgan” is just the bloody cousin of the “Dirty Sanchez”. I’m sure Brad and Vince have already drawn a few on her….

  39. Tai!

    J Aniston loves the cock

  40. Tai!

    J Aniston loves the cock
    as does Tom Cruise

  41. Tai!

    oops…I thought the first one didn’t post.


  42. Mr. T had a $13 million mansion? Isn’t he broke now?

    I guess we know why…

  43. I wonder how long it’s going to take to get rid of the smell of Brut cologne?

  44. Jamma Jeneson

    Mr T is no doubt waiting for Aniston to move so he can jump out of one of this thousand jewellery closets and pit her… with his undoubtedly substantial wang

  45. lalaland

    I lived down the street from MR T. He lives on Greenbay road in Lake Forest. Yes his house is ridiculously nice.And yes, he paid a mint for it way back when. The property tax in Lake Forest is unfuckingbelievable. You have to “bring it” to live there. So Mr T didn’t just slide in. He had to have had the money. Period. My mother was driving me to high school one morning and Mr T passed in his red convertible rolls and I flicked him off. He waved back. And he’s a moron for cutting down the trees. There is a fucking ordinance. The city is called “tree city”. Hello people. It’s the freaking law. He made his property look like shit. Lake Forest is extremely upscale and secluded. And as I drove by the T house the other day- they have replanted tons of trees and there are landscapers working daily. Lake Forest is a beautiful town. It’s small and it is very snobby- that’s true. If you drive a shitty car- the police will ask you to leave. You have to have a sticker on your car to park anywhere in the city. We called it the bubble in high school. It’s like fantasy land. I know the cops will NOT let the papparazzi run around in the town. Not going to happen. Very name brand families in town. Dean (as in dean foods), John hughes (as in the movies), Walgreens (as in where you get your drugs) and on and on to the break of dawn. they picked a good place to hide out.

  46. Definitely Jen was hurt. We are all humans and we handle situation in different ways. I believe Jen handled it the way she thinks was proper. I applaud Jen for this because if it was me I could have punch Jolie wrecker

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