Jennifer Aniston wants John Mayer to knock her up

August 6th, 2008 // 58 Comments

Jennifer Aniston’s biological clock kicked into overdrive this week after seeing Brad Pitt in People magazine with his gaggle of kids. Apparently, she’s ready to let her uterus be a vessel for John Mayer’s offspring and prove she’s not a barren witch that lives in a gingerbread house. It’s made of graham crackers. Star reports.

The 39-year-old actress feels that after all she has been through watching Brad and Angie’s family grow, she’d love Brad to see photos of her holding her own baby and show him she’s not the self-centered girl he had made her out to be.
“It’s my turn now,” she told a friend. And Jen believes the rocker is perfect daddy material.
“Jen feels so strongly that John is ‘the one,’ ” says a source. “She knows he can handle being a dad.”

Nothing like having a child out of spite. Because that’ll really teach Angelina Jolie a lesson and not fuck the kid up for life. Then again, Jennifer Aniston with prego boobs? Hmm…. The Superficial wishes John and Jennifer the best of luck in their endeavor and would like to point out you can’t get pregnant reading this site (yet), so get crackin’. And, John, no showboating; this is serious business, so it’d probably be best if you left your guitar in its case. Harmonica too.

Photo: Flynet
superficial

  1. First

    First! And what a lucky man…

  2. p911gt10c

    Ok, I’m just gonna put this in the “who gives a shit?” column.

  3. Ted Mosby

    I’m sure Mayer doesn’t mind shooting his load inside her but to have a kid? Like he said in Gravity: Stay the hell away from me.

  4. Diana

    And does John Mayer want to have a baby with Jennifer Aniston? That be the first question to ask. Maybe he doesn’t want her to have his offspring. Just a thought.

  5. havoc

    “and show him she’s not the self-centered girl he had made her out to be.
    “It’s my turn now,” she told a friend.”

    LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!

    Who writes this shit?

    .

  6. Angelina

    I get the feeling that John is not down with all this. They haven’t even been dating that long at all and Jen comes across as desperate. She clings to every guy that comes her way and that is only going to suffocate them.

  7. He’ll only agree to an creampie if she has a uterus in her throat.

  8. CookieVanderbilt

    THOSE QUOTES ARE THE BIGGEST load of fabricated bullshit!!!!

    @7 – throat uterus? oh my! throat spray contraception. would be a lot easier than those messie birth control patches.

  9. hell yeah! if i’m not gonna be the one to make the deposit, i at least want to gawk at the bewbs as they grow a la xtina and halle.

    man, i just thought of something. those nips are pretty hardcore now.. what the hell are they gonna look like if her boobs grow??

  10. wanks

    i will volunteer my penis and you can even have full custody jen!

  11. Effyeray

    What up with the pic of Chris Robinson? Oh, my bad. It’s just the erection thief AnistonHag.

  12. Awesome

    A barren witch? Jezuz that was rough! Love the writer! (My Rotten Idol)

  13. ME

    I’ll knock her up!!! got plenty of baby-batter for her

  14. ChuckS

    That’s a great reason to have a baby. To piss off your ex.

    “Mommy why did you have me?”

    “Because I hate Brad Pitt honey. Your existence is incidental, but necessary so that I can take twisted pleasure in fantasizing about Brad Pitt seeing pictures of me happy with my own… what do you call ‘em? Kids?”

    That’s pretty effin’ sick, yo.

    I used to feel bad for her that Pitt dumped her for another woman. Now I’m starting to wonder if she was part of the reason that happened.

  15. Rich

    Well if he doesnt wanna do it for her, I will, I’ve always thought that she was hot

  16. twzzlrgirl

    Sorry, but we’ve heard this a dozen times before…everyone she dates she supposedly wants to have babies with.

    These tabloids want to make her out to be jealous everytime Angie has a baby. Remember when she had Shiloh? Suddenly Jen “wanted” kids with that goof Vince Vaughn.

  17. Nick_Hogan

    WOW…there it is AGAIN…that monster of a truck tire…Fap, fap, fap

  18. beefytee

    BEHIND YOU!!!!!!! BEHIND YOU!!!!!!! LOOK OUT FOR THAT MONSTER TRUCK!!!!!!

  19. cherry

    She is my favorite. I love her. I saw her profile on milllionaire personals site “”"”"”"”"W e a l t h y L o v e s.co m”"”"”"”"” yesterday. It is said she is in relationship with a young handsome guy on that site now. Is she single again?

  20. GinaRae

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I am counting the seconds to see how fast JM bolts on her @$$ after this if true. Gawd what an awful skank. I really hope people are just being cruel and that she’s not actually STILL trying to prove anything to her ex-husband.

  21. Mario

    If Mayer doesn’t want to participate, I can take his place and inseminate her

  22. Jimmy

    Always with the nipples.

  23. Brett

    WHAT AN IDIOT!

    who would want a 39 year old as wife when you’re 30, famous, not bad looking? He could get a mid-20-something, much hotter than her, more intelligent probably too cause that’s not so hard considering it’s Aniston.

    She’ll be 40 soon and in the next twinkle 45, saggy boobs, even more wrinkles, cellulitis, yuck.

  24. Shawn

    Hey John, if you’re up for this, just please don’t forget the video camera!

  25. Hal

    This chick is running scared. You can sense it. Must people would date for awhile but she is rushing into every thing. This is a desperate act. John would be a fool to marry or have a kid with this desperate hag.

  26. missywiisy (evil)

    Sorry, but this story sounds like typical tabloid bullshit that somebody got paid to make up. Although…. I can kind of picture the whole scenario, only not in those exact words. I would tell John to get away fast! He should go find his own Angelina Jolie. Hee hee hee

  27. rough daddy

    I dont believe this story,,,if it was true any man would run and hide in the witness protection program including john mayer…

  28. eastcoastgirl

    I agree that this is total bullshit. If J.A. didn’t want kids with B. P. then why would she change her mind? I don’t believe that Jen would be that shallow. I don’t think she really cares how many kids Angelina has with Brad. If she had wanted the same thing then she would have Brad and his offspring. They didn’t want the same things out of life so they both moved on. BFD.

  29. OC Dee

    Who cares about Jennifer. I enjoyed John Mayer’s recent concert at The Verizon in Irvine and loved his play list. John Mayer rocks! I look forward to his next concert in Irvine.

  30. Terry

    John will do Jennifer until the next pretty star comes along. He is enjoying his fame and getting all the hot chicks. Jennifer had her chance of having a family with her hot hubby Brad but she is too self absorbed to start a family and too worried about her figure. Brad dumped Jennifer for a female that believes there is more to life than just looks and fame. Jennifer will end up marrying and divorcing many times because she lost the one true love her life.

  31. Terry, thank you for the Lifetime Original. Now, what’s wrong with everyone? I’m no Anisten fan, but John Mayer is 1) a douchebag whos music kind of sucks and 2) totally NOT good-looking (quite average, I might add).

  32. I can’t personally stand her ass!

    She is a selfish bitch and She just want to get knocked up because Brad has moved on and has had numerous of kids! She is lonely strong jaw having bitch! It is unfair for her to try to get john to knock her up..He is still young and has his own life to live! What if JOHN told her the same bullshit that she told brad..”I want my career to take off..I am not ready for a kid”

    She should walk in front of a semi that is moving 95 mph!

  33. sorry bitches, he’s still totally ugly and makes terrible and TERRIBLY BORING music.

  34. justifiable

    “she’d love Brad to see photos of her holding her own baby”

    Oh, please, like Brad would even care? Or like she still cares what he thinks? I love these “sources” and “friends,” they all sound like they’re 14 fucking years old This is pure jr. high.

  35. AJ

    The people who say John Mayer’s music suck are the same people that love rap crap. It is true John has a lot of successfull pop sounding music but he also has great blues sounding music and can jam on the guitar. True talented musicians write, sing, and play their own music like John Mayer.

  36. Beatles Fan

    I love The Beatles and always enjoyed their honesty and sense of humor like John Mayer. John is tall and sexy and talented just like Paul McCartney (younger days.) I love tall men with dark hair. It would be nice if there were more talented musicians that could actually write, sing, and play their own music like # 35 mentioned. You people that put down John Mayer are use to dog and pony show concerts like Madonna.

  37. l wood bang her #33you are a asshole p.s. suck my bur.

  38. zuzuspetals

    Jeeee-sus Christ.
    “It’s my turn now,” she told a friend.” Jennifer put down her copy of People magazine, picked up her bottle of high-priced spring water, took a swig, and then hit the speed dial for a conference call. First, she would call John Mayer, then her OB GYN to set up a meeting for a plan of action. “We’re going to show the world- especially Brad and that bitch Angelina- that I can have my own baby, and finally I will prove to the world that I’m not self-centered.” She hung up the phone before anyone could challenge her, changed into her favorite bikini, and headed for the tanning salon.

    Some days I really wish global warming would kick in and drown all the people who read this shit and believe it. In the meantime try, just try to wrap your tiny minds around this, people: If Jennifer Aniston decides to have a baby, that decision doesn’t have anything at all to do with Brad and Angelina. THEY BROKE UP ALMOST 4 YEARS AGO!!

  39. Crappola

    Come on… Will someone knock her up? That way she shuts up. I can’t, though, because I have standards. And when a girl gets that desperate, you better start running and hiding.

  40. cmt

    Jen is a complete mental case. Seriously. She would be the type to have a kid out of spite. She has NO motherly instincts whatsoever. Kids would just get in the way of her tanning and shopping.

  41. venomhed

    JOHN, DON’T DO IT!

    The Rules (for men)

    1. Never put a ring on a woman’s finger. Once you put a ring on there they stop trying to look good, and we wouldn’t want that.
    2. Never get married to a woman, unless you enjoy watching your woman get fat.
    3. Never get a girl pregnant, unless you again enjoy your woman to get fat and decide, for the both of you, that your sex life is over…. officially.
    4. Never get married, unless you want to risk a 60% chance of getting divorce and losing 50% of everything you made prior, during and in the future.

    NEVER FORGET THE RULES MEN. NEVER!

  42. The mule is “WALKING THE STREETS”?

  43. PerezH

    Wow she’s still not over Brad Pitt, what a wreck case… Maybe if she would’ve been a nice girl she might have convinced Angelina to let Brad shoot one in so she can have a kid too, which is what Mr. Pitt wanted with her but she didn’t want to because she wanted to be known for more than just “Rachel” from Friends. And now that BP has moved on she now wants to copy his every move, too bad John Mayer is no Angelina though they’re both strange enough.

  44. PerezH

    Wow she’s still not over Brad Pitt, what a wreck case… Maybe if she would’ve been a nice girl she might have convinced Angelina to let Brad shoot one in so she can have a kid too, which is what Mr. Pitt wanted with her but she didn’t want to because she wanted to be known for more than just “Rachel” from Friends. And now that BP has moved on she now wants to copy his every move, too bad John Mayer is no Angelina though they’re both strange enough.

  45. PerezH

    Wow she’s still not over Brad Pitt, what a wreck case… Maybe if she would’ve been a nice girl she might have convinced Angelina to let Brad shoot one in so she can have a kid too, which is what Mr. Pitt wanted with her but she didn’t want to because she wanted to be known for more than just “Rachel” from Friends. And now that BP has moved on she now wants to copy his every move, too bad John Mayer is no Angelina though they’re both strange enough.

  46. cranky

    I’d eat a bucket of shit to get at her bunghole.

  47. venomhed

    ^ Uh, we got it the first time PerezH

  48. she sucks

    What an ugly and desperate woman she is. Nobody wants to knock her up because they’re afraid their baby would look like a monster, since Jennifer has a monster face. She’s 39, she can’t have kids anyway,her biological clock had ticked away. a long time ago.

  49. Brad P

    John Meyer, FROM MAN to MAN GTFO of that relationship, that biotch is crazy!!

  50. Deva

    It’s called a lack of choices. She’s settling for that little faggot. Getting preggo in Hollywood is the trend now. Put her kids on the cover? Jen, you’ll never be Angelina Jolie. Even if you hatched 12 beautiful elven children you will never amount to her. Are you trying to Make Brad Pitt jealous? Hello? He dumped your old ass.
    I’ll give you a dollar for the first shot of the kids. Oh, and when John Mayer dumps you for something hotter and much cooler I’m sure (After all, you’ve gotten anal from Vince Vaughn. How desireable can you be?) Don’t say I didn’t tell you so.

    Haha. Loser.

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