Jennifer Aniston plots to trump Brad & Angelina at Oscars

January 26th, 2009 // 66 Comments

Jennifer Aniston has been asked to present an award at the Oscars, and she’s being encouraged by John Mayer to go. She’s also banking on the success of her next movie He’s Just Not That Into You to be number one that weekend, so she can steal the spotlight from nominees Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, according to Star:

“You’ve got to go,” John told Jen. “Why do you hide in this town? You have every reason to be there. By presenting at the Oscars, you’ll tell the world: ‘I don’t care about Brad and Angie. I belong here, too.’ Jen is taking back ownership of her life. She’s gotta move on from this Brad and Angie thing. This is the perfect time, and I’ll be there to protect her.”
John also hinted to his friend, “Trust me, even if Brad and Angie both win Oscars, that won’t be the story of the night.”

Let’s see: In one corner you’ve got Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who are nominated for Oscars in critically-acclaimed films. In the other is Jennifer Aniston who’s going to read from an envelope while hypothetically having the number one movie in the coldest fucking month of the year. I don’t want to say this is exactly like the time I cried naked outside my ex’s window until she called the cops, but I feel like I’m having a flashback just reading this.

Photos: Getty

  1. RaHRah

    I’d bang her…

  2. Que

    Que pumpkin head!

  3. Jezper

    So, in a move to get away from this Brad & Angelina thing, he suggest she does whatever she can to out-shine them at an Oscar? Either he’s stupid or she’s stupid, or the PR people around Jen seriously needs to be fired.

  4. Paul

    Dear Jennifer,

    Enough. Enough now with the Brad and Angelina. Just keep workin’ John Mayer’s schlong with those boney crypt keeper hands and be quiet already. It’s a miracle that you get any roles at all considering you can only play one character – Rachel Green. So enjoy the ride while it lasts and shut yer pie hole.


    The Entire English Speaking World

  5. Ummm...yeah...

    Give it a fucking rest already! Dam! Why is the bitch still sweating Brad and Angie?
    Can you say stalker?
    Look you crazy cunt…get over it!

  6. Shep

    Jenn, 2 words for ya……………… MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!

  7. The Fish is quoting from “The Star” so we can safely assume every word is completely made up.

  8. tom

    Jenny is so adorable!!~
    Wannt meet and kiss charming girls like her!! ++++ Agelessmate.c o m ++++ is just the place where what you meet can exceed your wild imagination!! u have nothing to lose to check it!!LOL

  9. Liam

    It always amuses me how many people believe this crap. A private conversation between two people has somehow been copied, word for word, onto an internet site?

    Yeah, okay.

  10. Ummm...yeah...

    maybe they had that electronic ear that let’s you hear shit from across the street for $14.95….

  11. lol

    Love the people calling her a stalker, or telling her to “get over it”. Hint: Jennifer Aniston did not call up The Superficial and tell them her master plan. Some friend of a friend of a “I saw her on Friends” made 5 bucks telling STARZ what they want to hear, and you girls collectively shit your panties.

  12. testing

    Pathetic, nothing says ‘over my ex’ like immaturely plotting (and failing) to steal attention from them.

    also that movie looks like shit and jen is 10 years older than most of the cast

  13. No one

    I don’t think it matters whether or not she shows up to the Oscars. Unfortunately, everyone’s just not that into her.

  14. morga

    The knee is probably the most unattractive part of the body.

  15. whocares

    How Brad and Angie were nominated is beyond me – neither can act worth a shit. Jen has proven herself to be the better actor so who cares about some dumbass nomination – look at their bodies of work.

  16. Captain_Insano

    Protect her? From who? The hords of screaming fans? Is she even the headlining star of that movie? Can a post consist of asking only questions?

  17. Sam

    “Jen is taking back ownership of her life.”

    People who do this phony empowerment-speak don’t help anybody in the real world. But they’re excellent at increasing sales of coffee for all their ineffectual “support” meetings.

  18. Jake

    Wow, this is way too involved. The truth is always much simpler. In this case, if Anuston wants to “win” she has to seduce Brad. Or Angelina. Either way. Short of that, it’s not interesting.

  19. Robin

    Do the majority of you believe this post?

  20. TJ

    She is sorta really starting to show her age, however I’d still buttfuck her.

  21. Jrz

    Ah, imagine…..

    Jen: And the Oscar goes to………….OH! The Oscar goes to the Brother Kisser who fucked my husband for The Changeling……

  22. Majority of Us

    #19 – dunno. But we want you to post naked pictures.

  23. nixy

    He’s gonna propose so that she has a big fat diamond on her finger before she goes to the Oscars. It’ll be the only thing people can talk about….

  24. pete

    Scheme all you want, but it’s inevitable that Jen will take it on the chin.

  25. Bickus Dickus

    I’m so sick of seeing this flappy twatted dolt plastered everywhere I look. I care even less about Brad Pitt and that Billy Bob’s sloppy second deusch he’s with. And nominating Brad Pitt and Stank Cunt for Oscar’s is like nominating “Jackass” for best Picture.

  26. Megan

    Okay, the fact that she is still even thinking about this shit is reason she and Brad split up. She’s fucking obsessive and boring as fuck, always playing the same damn person in EVERY film. Always playing her goddamn self, who just happens to BE Rachel Green. John Mayer is pretty fucking close to Joey, too.

    Angie didn’t steal Brad. They were already getting a divorce… he just found someone who DIDN’T make him want to fuck moldy Swiss cheese every night.

    Not that I believe this story verbatim, but it’s kind of obvious Jen isn’t over it. And the best way to at least pretend that she is would be to stop even mentioning the letters B and A and firing her PR people.

  27. eastcoastgirl

    Brad and Angelina are box office poison at this point. People ore on to A.J.’s game. Brad is just a liar and a cheater. Jen is a far better actor and person than the liar and the whore.

  28. Ami

    Dear Paul

    Shut the fuck up. What fucking movie can you remember Brad in before he broke this woman’s heart? I know I know the one where he took off his shirt? What was that movie about again? What movie do you know Angelina in before she met her lifeline Brad? I know I know Girl Interrupted you know the one where she “acts” like a crazy psycho female lunatic (nothing like how she is in real life [sarcasm people]) and won an award for. Jennifer Aniston only plays Racheal Green. Have you seen Marley & Me? Have you seen The Good Girl or Friends with Money? This woman has not reached her full potential yet but you can’t say she can’t act. Brad could only play roles that involve him taking off his shirt standing there and looking pretty. And his jailer can only play psycho bitch lay on her back and drink blood to get your man roles. Let’s keep it real okay.



  29. Massa'

    Aniston hasn’t made a decent movie since Leprechaun.

    Pitt hasn’t made a decent movie since True Romance.

    Jolie has never made a decent movie, she’s unwatchable.

    Fuck all three of them, fuck em in the ear….

  30. effyeray

    Dry up and die already… oh, you’ve already dried up? Then just die.

    @ Ami you fat cunt: He’s right, so shut your pie hole. You and every other fat chick or homo that still cares about this pitiful hag needs to fucking die too. Die.

  31. sla

    The best moment of the Oscars will be the close up on Angie when she loses. Which she will, and so will Brad. That’s what you get when you make “important” movies that no one wants to see.

    I don’t know what Jen could do to be the story of the night. We’ve already seen her boobs. But if she does manage to do something to stick it to Brad and Smugelina, I will be cheering for her.

  32. Blue Balls

    #29: I beg to differ. Brad’s best films are Kalifornia, Fight Club, 12 Monkeys.


  33. Jen Aniston's Flappy Vag


  34. she’ll never be able to steal the spotlight back

  35. Fernando Narcos

    What’s hilarious is the fact your quoting the Star and all these idiots are sucking it up like it’s the Gospel of John.

    Wow.America truly is a country of mouthbreathing sheeple.

  36. Sam

    I’ll watch if Jen is there. Or wise I could care less.

  37. Beastman AIDS

    haha this is such a bullshit story.
    They broke up almost 5 years ago for fucks sake.

  38. Trizfay


  39. Leila

    Honestly, I have no idea why Jennifer still cares what Brad or Angie think. I am not a fan of any of them, but I’m just gonna call it like I see it. Brad cheated on Jen while they were married. Angelina is a home wrecker. Angelina goes and brags about stealing Brad in a magazine. I’m sorry, the better person here is Jennifer. It’s funny to me that both Brad and Angelina have aged so much since they first got together. They are both showing their age. Brad is getting all wrinkly looking and doesn’t look like he works out anymore, Angie has those veiny arms and her face is looking older. Maybe, it’s from having 6 kids? I don’t know, all I know is that Jen still looks the same and Branglina look older.

  40. Truth Doctor

    She’s a washed up has-been.

  41. You can be sure jenn: MY THOUGHTS & DICKY are with you!!

  42. fern

    I liked Brad in Fight Club, I liked Angelina in Gia and I liked Jennifer in The Good Girl…everything else is just Ramen Noodles. They are entertainers…they should work on their acting craft instead of their ninja-publicity moves. No wonder everyone’s taste is turning to shit—–look at what we have for celebrity news. Nobody had to worry about this shit 50 years ago…it was all about is the actor single or married and that was basically your fan magazine. Whatever. Life sucks.

  43. Christina

    Dude, this is supposedly a word-for-word private conversation that just happens to be in a magazine? Bullshit. I guarantee this is all total crap. Jen has said over and over that she’s over the whole drama shit and yet people keep making up this kind of crap.

    And btw, Changeling got pretty average reviews and I heard from tons of people that Benjamin Button is nothing special. The consensus is that the effects are cool but its way too long and just kind of boring. Angelina and Brad are both mediocre actors at best who have each gotten a couple of lucky roles. That’s it. And no, I’m not claiming Jen is the next Meryl Streep, but at least she doesn’t act like she’s head and shoulders above everyone else (cough cough Angelina!)

  44. Debbie31

    And when either Angelina or Brad actually WINS an Oscar, what’s Jen’s game plan then? Slink off stage unnoticed in shame? If this is true, she is really, really sad.

  45. AnalyzeTHIS

    Let’s analyze this shall we: Jen was beat out by Patti Heaton at the 2003 People’s Choice Awards, she stars opposite comedy king male stars as ‘the girlfriend or wife,’ (and takes credit for their box office) and when she isn’t getting peed on by John Gayer:fetisher, she’s watching her friends the Botox-Arquettes, like, have a life. …oh, and she’s UGLY – seriously she makes Sarah Jessica Parker look like Ava Gardner. She also looks totaly different than she did when she was on Friends, implying recent plastic surgery, however that just makes her sadder, because she’s still UGLY.

    Angelina by comparison, already HAS an Oscar, 3 SAG Awards, 3 Golden Globes, she HAS Brad Pitt, she HAS his babies, he is devoted to her – and not to state the obvious, but she’s kinda sorta, hella beautiful about the facial area – at least that’s what everyone on the planet keeps saying. I call WINNER Angelina.

    Final score: Jolie: 1,000,000 Aniston: – 0

    Oh and this rumor – total liquid bullshit in a pourspout.

  46. Bet

    Yeah, nothing says ‘I’m Over This,’ like stalking the Oscar ceremony in which your ex and the woman you can’t stop bitterly referring to, are nominated in tandem Best Lead categories – hahaha. ..and actually, as for the fictitious John Mayer convo, that whole ‘stop hiding in this town,’ scene is kind of bogus when you consider she was at the Oscars two years ago – has shown up at other cheesey award shows, was spotlighted by the Huvane’s GQ award show (man of the year, lol) and has gone to many a Hollywood function including last year’s Oscar parties in which the tabloids were trying to market a ‘showdown’ between her and Brangelina. At this point it’s not about Brad & Angelina anymore for her – it’s how she’s perceived…other people in Hollywood are annoyed by her coattailing/obsessive stalking and rehashing of a split that was 5 years ago. She’s the gift that won’t stop giving to the tabloids. She knows her career lives and thrives on this perceived competition, and one-upmanship – but ultimately for other industry folk they just see her as a desperate PR driven lame, who generates interest by being the professional infected boil on the ass of real movie stars. I know, I’m in the industry – I’m just sayin. But yeah, it is bullshit – but she’s still a simple twat.

  47. sla

    If she goes to the Oscars shes “stalking” them… if she sits them out, she is “hiding” from them. Girl can’t win, can she?

    How about presenting at the oscars is an honor and also probably a blast, and anyone who is asked would be an idiot not to accept, no matter what sleazy ex-husband and stuck-up nemesis happen to be there?

    I suspect it only takes a comment or two from her to keep this drama going. The drama gets her publicity, publicity is good for business, and it is a business, so what the fuck does she care?

    I do think she would be happier with a funny dude. I liked her with Vince. If you want to save the world, hang with Brad and the Bitch. If you want to drink beer and have fun, go with Jen and a dude with a sense of humor (which I don’t think is John Mayer, although “your body is a wonderland” was a real joke.)

    Of course, like the rest of you, I don’t know any of these people personally so pretty much everything we say here is just mental maturbation.

  48. zagge

    i am waiting for the book about aj and Brad. They must selling the child for media poor childand Brad parents are not happy want they do. love you jen and go to oscar

  49. zagge

    i am waiting for the book about aj and Brad. They must selling the child for media poor childand Brad parents are not happy want they do. love you jen and go to oscar

  50. zagge

    i am waiting for the book about aj and Brad. They must selling the child for media poor childand Brad parents are not happy want they do. love you jen and go to oscar

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