Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer’s recent reunion apparently came with strings attached. Before entering her Shangri-La once again, John had to promise Jennifer they’d get married and start giving that bitch Angelina Jolie a run for her money. Star reports:
After a barrage of romantic e-mails from him, “she said that she’d only take him back if they got married, and he agreed,” says a source. “They both know this is it. She wants to settle down, and finally, so does he. They’ve even talked about having a family, and John said that he couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone but her.”
Actually, I believe this because here’s a short list of the insane things men will agree to just to have sex:
2. A baby. (Provided our passport is valid.)
3. A five-hour conversation about throw pillows.
4. Not inviting strippers over to play video games. (Sorry, Candy. I know you rock at Fable 2, but how hard is it to use a coaster?)
5. Torture. (Read: Pottery Barn.)
That said, if you think any of these things will transpire, A HA HA HA! Clearly, you underestimate man’s superhuman ability to utter “Sorry, baby, this never happened to me before” then fall dead asleep.
NOTE: This is also explains why I wear a cape.