Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer over? Wait, where’s Angelina…

March 12th, 2009 // 52 Comments

John Mayer reportedly kicked Jennifer Aniston to the curb after she returned home from promoting Marley & Me in Europe. Turns out there’s two things John Mayer can’t stand: Dog movies and the goddamn Krauts. E! News reports:

“He broke up with her when she got back from her European tour,” the source said.
Aniston’s rep did not immediately comment. Mayer’s rep declined to comment on the singer’s personal life.

Aniston recently opened up about love and romance to the U.K. magazine You. “Who ever said that every relationship has to last forever? That’s hoping too much,” said Aniston, who turned 40 exactly a month ago. “I think every relationship is a world unto itself.”
As for finding the perfect partner, she said, “I don’t have one and I don’t think it exists.”

Talk about sad news. It’s like finding out the last unicorn was hunted down and turned into unicorn burgers. But then you realize you’re not an eight-year-old girl and haven’t had lunch yet, so could somebody hand you a bun?

It’s like I’m reading your thoughts, isn’t it?

Photos: Getty

  1. Hattie

    Do you think in 5 years time she’ll still be talking about keeping his phone messages and telling the world how much she’ll always love him? hmmmm

  2. dude_on

    I think this means we are in for some serious bra less t-shirts this Summer.

  3. What did she expect? She’s forty and he’s 12..

  4. amanda

    hahahaha i agree with number 3!

  5. luk

    No, I definitely don’t believe it!

  6. Valerie

    Ho-boy, we didn’t see THAT one comin’

  7. GuyHolly

    She must be the worst lay EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. GinaRae

    Oh come ON we all saw that one coming. He’s not the kind to settle down, much less with the likes of her, and the world has painted Jenn a needy 40 year old looking to settle down at all costs.

    Why she bothered dating John Mayer is beyond me. He seems very suited to spending the rest of his career hopping from woman to woman.

  9. GuyHolly

    #8 maybe she just wants everyone to think she’s looking to settle down. While secretly she is playing the whole field of pathetic losers.

  10. Sometimes I feel sorry for Jennifer. Is she just really boring to be around?

  11. elvagree40

    Ever heard that this one appeared on the hot hook-up club
    ……….WealthyRomances…………. com ………
    for wealthy singles to hook up for Love and Sexy dating?

  12. It’s about time he kicked her to the curb!

  13. #9 I agree! Let’s not automatically assume she’s just some innocent, monogamous damsel in distress. She could be undercover.

  14. ahorseisahorseofcourse

    She was too good for that ugly fucker anyway.

  15. dontlooknow

    He’s a dumbass for dropping her again, and she’s an even bigger dumbass for taking him back. Nobody’s that good in bed…..

  16. Dee

    She must be the most boring person alive.

  17. Jrz

    Know what these two kids need? They need for John to dish out a little of the pimp hand like Chris Brown……because Rihanna and Chris Brown are proof positive that all a struggling relationship needs is a little ass-beatin’ to show your love.

    Can I get an AMEN, ya’ll? Holla!

  18. shes lame

    too young hair does not a pretty face make

  19. PunkA

    Aniston can do way better than that hack. His music suck balls, and so does he. So of course he ended it. he’d rather have his cock in another guys ass than in Aniston. And all I know is, I;d get it on with her and brag about it the rest of my life.

  20. GuyHolly

    #17 That’s how I keep my marriage strong. pfffffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttt

  21. havoc

    Good call #2 !!!!


  22. Valerie

    BTW is John Mayer Mexican?

  23. trix

    embarrassing. she’s an idiot. and after parading him on the oscar red carpet making a big deal to the media what a big deal it was for her to parade him around at such a big deal event…. BIG DEAL! i knew as soon as she opened her mouth about what a huge step they were taking in their relationship to take it to that “next level” the clock was ticking. bitch NEVER learns. keep your private shit private. and stop being such a needy trainwreck.

    mayer’s an idiot too but to let yourself get played by that fool TWICE…? what the HELL does that make you?

    they say the 40s brings wisdom. at least as the looks begin to fade you’ll finally have that. *fingers crossed*

    lol @ #3

  24. he could do a million times better

    19 – he could do way better than aniston. he could prob date a hot girl under 35 who is good in bed…. easily.

    her movies are shitty, she can’t act. her face is really ugly and jewish looking, her voice is whiny, and she is 40. she is a coke fiend and a bitch, why does middle american love her?

  25. trix

    #24, don’t blame the jews! she’s GREEK! lol

    rofl @ coke fiend! ha!!! i’m sure that’s not true but it was funny anyway. :)~ she does smoke weed though. i remember a rolling stone intervew where she admitted she still likes weed.

  26. jrz

    I know you do, Guy Holly….and with good reason!

    GUY HOLLY?????!!!!!!!!!!1

  27. crabby old guy

    No “perfect partner” Jen? Really? Have you looked? No, I mean REALLY looked?

    I can name 5 perfect partners for you just off the top of my bald head:

    A bar of soap
    Vanilla ice cream
    Anyone who stars in a live-action Disney Channel series
    A block of wood

    There, feel better?

  28. GuyHolly


  29. mamamiasweetpeaches

    Not a fan of either but I cant help but wonder- what IS it about her? Why cant she find “Mr Right?” (I used to wonder the same thing about Halle Berry). Is she realllly annoying or what???

    I have one friend who still smokes pot (he’s in his 30s) and he is the most LETHARGIC muddafukka you ever met. Its a Big Project just to get him off the couch! He just wants to sit, smoke and ‘enjoy’ the act of doing nothing. Maybe that’s Jennifer Anistons problem?

  30. Zanna

    jrz!!!!! guy holly!!!!!11111111111111111111

  31. GuyHolly


  32. Photoshop Police

    They’ve “broken up” a million times!

    When they get married and/or divorced, get back to me.

    and I also agree with #2

  33. Oh noooo, we’re all going to pay for this…

  34. takethecake

    Better for her. John is a douche. If I had her money, I wouldn’t worry too much–just would get my ass on a plane and go cave diving or explore some exotic countries.

  35. Baked Alaska

    I see, she is now dating Bristol Palin’s ex-fiance/ex-boyfriend.

  36. lupolupo

    all her men look hot when she catchs them and after a while of aniston-treatment they all look like ken ready to go shopping with barbie carrying her bags drinking cute coctails with her having nice girly chats with her getting dressed up by her and after that back into the closet…

  37. Black Dalia

    I’ve read carefully all your answers and I think that Jen needs a little space..!I think it’s fair to stop talking badly about her like if we know her well!Yes she is greek and so am I.I wish I was looking the way she looks , skiny and healthy.Although many guys will dissagree with me I still thinks she is prettier than me and than a lot of other women too.I’ve heard her mom is cruel to her and so is mine.She needs a good advice you guys,some people are real mean to her!

  38. Thomas

    Jen and John are turds. They want attention. I don’t think they ever were a couple. Playing this off and on game nets more attention for the publicity whores. I have no respect for neither. Mayer lost all creed with this game.

  39. Bo

    Notice the media is losing interest in them and their game playing.

  40. Megan

    38 -

    Only just NOW he’s lost it??? Jesus, if Mayer actually had anything give before this, who the hell else did? Miley Cyrus?

    Anyway, this news makes me fucking happy only because Jennifer is pathetic and it’s fun to watch her sabotage her own love life over and over again, and still complain about it.

    How about change your hairstyle at least once ever 15 years. That’s one step in the right direction.

  41. Maritza

    That was all just a fixed plan to make her look less pathetic because it is obvious she hasn’t forgotten Brad and she never will, she mentions him in every interview she makes. All she has to do is refuse to talk about him to the reporters. But she doesn’t because that is what has maintained her in the spotlight and keeps people interested in her.

  42. Barry O

    Who’s John Mayer? Is he on a reality show or something?

  43. friendlyfires

    Aniston …
    on my to do list

  44. jazzieB

    He is a complete twat- and an untalented complete twat at that!


  46. Black Dalia

    Gosh!I don’t understand why we won’t calm down .I mean of course we people don’t hate each other ,that wouldn’t have a point and we still arguing about people we don’t know!Cool guys!Enjoy your collumn.Besides Brad still listens to his mom and in this case Angelina is his ”mom” now .He is the man who doesn’t really cares with which woman he will be ,he mostly cares to have a woman that reminds him of his mom.He follows her advices.Now a picture of you me and our children, Brad!Brad don’t go very far for too long , and I lose seight of you!”And that’s Angelina right?

  47. Lack of discreetion

    They faked their relationship for PR and their career. They only appear in public when they need to promote their shows. Poor Jennifer’s fans being fooled all along.
    Who cares if they are together or not. The woman thinks she is getting younger everyday or something so she keeps fooling around with guys.

  48. Dusk till Dawn

    She would be better off as a lesbian…………. Maybe that is why she can’t keep a man!

  49. Black Dalia

    Look sugar, you don’t keep a man with your love and ohnesty , and by being decent and noble!Nowdays you usually keep him by lies,by being whiny and by complaining for attention That’s what Angelina probably had to do to keep Brad,not that I accuse her for that.Not at all, I’m not better than she is.She deserves love like all human beings!But you don’t keep a man by being ”Alice in Wonderland”,you have to become a little bitch!Otherwise he realizes how much he feels bored and leaves!And Brad seems that he feels bored from everything ,the stars the media and Hollywood life!

  50. Black Dalia

    If the big idea is to become a little bitch in order to have a man ,then reconsider, ’cause I don’t think it’s worth it!I’d rather be like ”Alice in Wonderland” than wondering around like Angelina does with a man that he would leave in seconds if I’d I turned my head.

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