Jennifer Aniston is the Dick Nixon of relationships

February 8th, 2009 // 55 Comments

Jennifer Aniston still has old phone messages from her ex-boyfriends AND Brad Pitt, according to The Sun:

Jennifer told Marie Claire: “I still have the cassette tapes of messages from my first boyfriend, my second boyfriend, my husband. It’s like saving love letters.”

JOHN MAYER: I see you’re turning on the tape deck. Which one are we listening to tonight?
JEN: That time Brad left his briefcase at the airport.
JOHN: Oh, good one.
JEN: Yeah. Now put the pillowcase back over your head and stop talking.
JOHN: But I can’t breathe…
JEN: No talking!

Photos: Getty
superficial

  1. Every time I start to feel sorry for her for all the shit she takes on these boards she goes and fans the flames again

    http://www.lowbrowsophisticate.com/category/taunting

  2. Hugh Gorgan

    First

  3. Hugh Gorgan

    First

  4. Balack Obama Fixin' America, 1 Trillion at a time

    She’s still hot!

  5. boo boo head

    People need to give her a break, and stop supporting adulterers. SO what is she keeps phone messages from her boyfriends, lots of people do that, and why does the ones from Brad Pitt get so much emphasis? The man was her husband she has every right to. The world is fucked!

  6. grow up

    she looks ugly and butch faced as usual.

  7. This bitch seems so mopey always. We get it, Angelina Jolie stole your dream husband. We fucking get it. MOVE ON.

    I hate Plain Jane bitches like her.

    http://symbolicclothing.com/wordpress/

  8. She seems to still have feelings for Brad and if it weren’t for Angie, they would likely still be married. But I think she knows he wanted to have kids more than anything and jolie had already adopted a child and they fell in love. cutesinglefriends.com

  9. Jen just can’t seem to let go. It’s been five years since Brad and Angie got together, when is she going to move on? Is John Mayer not good enough? Perhaps her attitude is one no man can handle for more than a few years. Harsh much? Yes. Truthful? Also, yes.

  10. Jen just can’t seem to let go. It’s been five years since Brad and Angie got together, when is she going to move on? Is John Mayer not good enough? Perhaps her attitude is one no man can handle for more than a few years. Harsh much? Yes. Truthful? Also, yes.

  11. Truth Doctor

    Just another left-wing nutcase. And that’s the truth.

  12. Melissa

    OH Fuck, Brad can expect an ASS WHIPPING tonight…VANGIE the life sucker outter will be all over that shit!

  13. VANGIE?

    Is that supposed to be a insult or something? If it is it’s not very clever..

  14. to #13

    FUCK YOU…that clever enough for you?

  15. Randal

    Jennifer has been beautiful and charming since she first appeared on Friends so many ages ago. Even to this day, her smile is as warm and sincere, which has also helped her become the star she is.

    Randal

  16. dr bounce

    HAHAHA at #14!!! good one!

    and wtf truth doctor? left wing nutcase? what is that supposed to mean?

  17. to # 16

    Thank you! it is one thing to question someone’s comment, but damn if you are going to slam, you should have something “clever” yourself.

  18. goddess mimi

    @15:

    Dearest Randal,

    Your posts are always very thoughtful and considerate. You are such a compassionate man, and have an amazing way with words. When I read your posts, I get so turned on, that my white cotton panties turn into a sopping wet mess. I wish you would jump in your camaro and speed over to my apartment right now and stuff your throbbing, blood-engorged pork sword into my quivering, goo-filled sausage wallet. I just washed the folds of my fupa with a rag-on-a-stick, so my ‘lady business’ no longer smells like rancid Parmesean and boiled carp strained through a dirty sweat sock. I duct-taped a beard trimmer to a yardstick and shaved my ass too. I’m sooo ready for you, dear Randal. Come to me, my love. *sigh*

  19. Jen is a pyschotic

    Psycho drooling out Brads name again. Cow can’t do 1 interview with shooting his name out. This retarded bitch didn’t want Brad when she had him. So now he is top man in Hollywood she wants him. Jen is a sick bitch for sure. John ain’t shit.

  20. Mike

    Jen is sick sick sick nobody keeps old tapes from their ex. What women keeps calling her ex ….husband. When Brad/Angie get married their will be another pity party round up with Jen’s old hags.

  21. Ash

    If she keeps tapes from her old man after 4 y/o then Mayer is gay.

  22. That’s the funniest thing I have read today!

  23. No Melissa/dr bounce it wasn't clever enough for me.

    I suggest if you want tips on being witty you should talk to goddess mimi. Her post never fail to people laugh :)

  24. UCrawford

    Interesting that she refers to Pitt as her “husband”, not “ex-husband”.

    Seriously…she’s been divorced for over three years. If she’s still talking about her marriage after all this time, then frankly I can see why Pitt dumped her. Because she’s a friggin’ psycho.

  25. ryn

    Oh, honey….you tire me.

  26. sammie

    to #23
    fuck goddess mimi
    she needs to get fucking shot
    seriously that bitch really really bothers me
    now what i was originally going to say:
    i used to have a lot of respect for jen mostly because i felt bad for her
    and i cant STAND that nasty whore angie
    but lately
    this girl is losing it..seriously she needs to move the eff on

  27. Ummm...yeah...

    What a fucking loser.
    Jennifer needs to just go jump off the Golden Gate Bridge and end it all, since there is no fucking way she can get over Brad.
    Do it Jen, just do it already.

  28. kate

    emm, u are so sweet.. but I just found out your secret that you have joined the online club ***sugarmingle. c om*** , by which you are seeking sexy babies!

  29. Jennyjenjen

    She’s pathetic.. “my husband”.. no dear, your ex.

  30. missywissy

    Just another way for her to slip in and remind people about her anguish. I think she would do so much better just moving on. She’s showing her true colors, and I think this pity would work if she were likable in the first place.

  31. Brad is happy with Angelina and his kids. They have been together as long as he was married to Jennifer. This drama is so old. Jennifer needs to stop refering to Brad in any way, shape or form. I am sure in his daily life with Angie and the kids, Jennifer is not thought.. Damn she is with John, why not talk about him.. Oh and Vince is engaged to be married.. He is never talked about in reference to her.. Just poor Brad. Damn I bet if he knew he had to carry her on his back for over 5 years he would never had married her.

  32. I think a “GIGOLO” gives more fun, folk

  33. The Originator

    @18

    Glad you liked my original composition enough to copy & post on another thread– I’m flattered. :)

  34. HUH?

    @33 give me the details on 18?

  35. Dorien

    Am I the only one that liked the Nixon Reference? Aniston I could care less for but the title was funny.

    Thanks Mr. Superficial

  36. Marvin

    Jen is a clown. It’s so clear that John and Jen are not in a real relationship or else she would not be calling up Brad Pitts name all the time. It sure makes Mayer look like a sake of shit that he is.

  37. I got her Dick Nixon… right here… (ziiiiiiiiiip… THUD!)

  38. jupiter Girl

    I have NO sympathy for Jen. If she’s sooo tired of the pitty, then stop referring to Brad, period. This just solidifies my theory on Jen: she pretends to be happy w/John. At night, dreams of getting back with Brad and having his babies. And taking care of Angies. While Angie is admitted to a mental institution for multiple disorders. NOT GUNNA HAPPEN> GET OVER IT JEN!

  39. These magazines make Jen out to be SUCH a creepo!

  40. what’s wrong with keeping memorabilia from a relationship?

  41. The Originator

    @ 34

    I posted that comment a while back on another thread and someone copied and pasted it on this one. Just glad someone found it funny enough to repost, I guess? And the fact it pisses a couple people off makes it even better. (see #26).

  42. Millicent Jones

    If there is any question about which woman is more normal; Jen wins that one hands down over Angie. Saving stuff from people you once loved is totally normal- french kissing your brother…not so much.

  43. John

    What a crazy old, spinster!

    This tape thing is way weired than her toilet paper fetish.

    She’s not bad looking, but not good looking either. So, what is she???????????????????????????????????????????

  44. Alex

    wow! hahah she is on another level of creepiness now hahahaha! Saving stuff from people you once loved is normal #42 but saving messages on a machine, the cassette tapes? are you sure? hahaha I think that is damn creepy! You can save a letter, an email, a teddy bear they bought you but a cassette tape with their voice is just creepy.
    and he is no longer your husband Jen!! Angie is gonna kick your ass when she finds out you kept a recording of his voice and you listen to it at night and cry until you fall asleep.

  45. stace

    i cant describe how much i frikn despise jennifer aniston,u cant watch tv or read a newspaper or a magazine without the poor jen crap..its fukn pathetic, she never wanted kids with brad cos of her precious career..which i must say i also hated friends..i could rant all day about how feral she is but hey… we all know that.
    Angelina never “stole” her husband.. takes two to tango and who wouldnt want angelina? shes gorgeous ,everything ud want in a woman..
    The poor jen thing is getting really old..she needs to move on..its like some crazy stalker.. i say.. “not cool” jen.. loser

  46. Passionly

    Jennifer need to see a therapist. There’s nothing wrong with it and I feel once she faced her demons she’ll be fine. Brad Pitt have every right to end his marriage because Jennifer had too many issues. He wanted a mature woman who wanted kids not an immature woman with too much issues and a self-centered attitude.

  47. Black Dalia

    IT’S OBVIOUS THAT ALL THREE OF THEM HAVE ISSUES!aNGELINA IS NOT A MATURE PERSON ,SHE IS A SPOILT WOMAN WHO HAS BUILT HERSHELF A CARREER from nothing .She has come from nowhere and became some kind of idol.Jennifer and Angelina are both hysterical women that fight over a poor guy!He doesn’t care about either of them ,he only cares for his image,like a metrosexual you know he has discovered the colllagen face creme!HE PAUSES WHEN HIS GIVES AN INTERVIEW THAT MEANS HE IS NOT REALLY ENTHOUSIASTIC.MANY PAUSES…He IS BETWEEN TWO GIRLS like a jerk.Welcome to the zoo!sOME IDOLS!please……

  48. Black Dalia

    Did I say she built a carrer from nothing?Her father was rich too,Angelina’s father.Welcome to show business people!Wake up and smell the coffee !Nonone want to be your friend especially Angelina and Brad !Jennifer show some signs of sympathy and sensitivity between two indiffirent people.Just open your eyes and see things for what they really are.People can be mean,good or bad depends from the circumstanses and as we all see things are exanctly what they look like.Besides who likes too much people who provoke you so much ?We don’t care about their relationship where is all over the tabloids to take advantage of it and built their carieers some more!Neither Brad ,Angelina are so sympathetic and sweet .As simple as that!That’s just bad puplicity.No good at all!NOWAY!I don’t speak with passion but I believe what I see .There is an agient greek line that says something like the most common phrase we know ”whatever shines is not gold”and I don’t think we need to translate that.

  49. Black Dalia

    agient * meant ancient .sorry!

  50. LAST, BITCHES!

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