Jennifer Aniston is not a dude

September 20th, 2007 // 123 Comments

Okay, so a couple days ago, I might have suggested that Jennifer Aniston is a dude. I’d like to state for the record that I was drunk. But now I’m a different kind of drunk. Love-drunk. I would totally do things to her. Things that would make Jennifer Aniston so pregnant, she’d give birth to a small nation. Which Angelina Jolie would then adopt. That would be so hot. Oh man, imagine if Angelina gave all those kids ridiculous names. No, no, that’s just too hot. Don’t touch the screen! My words will burn you with their hotness.

Photos: Splash

  1. lambman

    still looks like a dude to me

  2. cookievanderbilt

    Better than vampire with a pack of trendy orphans.

  3. JagedNS

    are you kidding lamb?

    I would take JA over Jolie anyday.

    Mmm the things I would eat outta her ass.

  4. I think she’s cute! Maybe even cuter than me if that is possible.

  5. tanya

    Jennifer is a dude. Sorry to burst your bubble.

  6. @5 Good call. Jolie’s got an odd-shaped head and I always feel like she was dead and then brought back to life. Too many skeleton qualities.

  7. cc

    Jenn has a great figure. even better than angelina, who’s all skin and bones now.

  8. pointandlaugh

    SHE IS SO UNBELIEVABLY HOT. I’d give my left nut for her to be my wife.

  9. Biff

    She’s not a dude. She’s got a dude’s head, that’s all.

  10. BunnyButt

    Great body, odd head, I’m guessing most of you guys don’t mind.

  11. FromOutOfNoWhere

    Holly Mama, Did that ultra fine rear end. Damn Jen got some fine junk in the trunk. Baby got back. I agree, Jenn is way finer then Angelina. Not sure why Brad left, but it’s gotta be because of wanting kids.

  12. What a fine can that girl has! From now on, I’m going to call her “Jennifer Canniston” … !!!

  13. Happy/sad penis

    There’s never been a problem with her from the neck down, except maybe concerns about losing an eye to those granite nipples. But for sure she’s got whiskers in the morning, and unless you’re TT, that first morning kiss will make your ball run screaming back into your body cavity.

  14. Happy/sad penis

    I guess I meant “balls”. Although I dunno, if slip and mention Brad or Angie in bed, you very well might wake up with just one.

  15. gARY

    If she ever shut up, sure she’d be great. But what turns me off is that she’s so whiny and obsessive. It’s just like the commenters who write those endless whiny essays about body—-wait, hold on, I’ll conjure them directly:

    “The only reason her ass looks fuller is that she’s getting FAT!”

    (*now listen for clomping footsteps, loud breathing, and the rustling of candy wrappers*)

  16. .

    The candyman can

  17. combustion8

    she’s got a great ass for a dude… eva mendez, NOW THATS A DUDE!

  18. me

    dustin hoffman has a nice body. but his lips are really thin and his eyes are tiny and close together. angelina’s face is like a brat doll. much prettier if you ask me.

  19. huff

    She’s not that bad, she’s just not that good either.

  20. veggi

    don’t mind gARY. Poor thing is still pissed that the fat chick turned him down. again.

  21. I had long suspected that she wasn’t a dude…thanks for confirming…

  22. i see it

    DUSTIN HOFFMAN…. YES! take away her body and hair and she is UGLY! looks JUST LIKE DUSTIN HOFFMAN. Angelina, though creepy, has one of the most flawless faces ever! ( big pretty eyes, cute little nose, full lips, high cheek bones…)

  23. salmon

    wheres the whining from the guys re: veggi ignoring them at least thats more superficial

  24. sportsdvl

    Jennifer blows Angelina out of the water. JA always looks good while Angelina can look amazing, but she can also look like a damn freak.

    Anniston is beautiful, those of you saying she looks like a dude must harbor secret fantasies of dudes!

  25. A

    She is a sexy women. She is absolutely beautiful but she has no ass and no chest but her beautiful face makes her one of the sexiest women ever

  26. bobbihe

    she is so ordinary looking…you might as well find a college chick

  27. if you like ugly faces

    brad likes pretty faces after all. thats why he left chinniffer maniston aka young dustin hoffman, for angelina pretty.

  28. Texas Tranny

    Hey FRIST nobody is as cute as you, sweetie.

    Very funny, I like it when I’m referenced in somebody’s post.

  29. no i dont like dudes, she looks like one, thats why i dont like her

    28 – shes an old ass looking college chick

    27- you are blind as fuck. her face is ugly for a regular person

    26 – also blind. see JA without makeup and her hair pulled up. ugly as hell.

  30. slutbag

    TT is a fucked up example of inbreeding. There you go. Do you like that reference weirdo?

  31. Danny

    Frankly I’ve never understood the ridicule and references to “Maniston” she’s subjected to. Granted, she’s no raving beauty, but my gosh she’s got a smoking bod, IMO. Those legs were made to be wrapped around my ears.

  32. she has an ugly face

    cut button nose – no check
    big pretty eyes – no check
    full pouty lipe – no check

    big thick nose – check
    tiny beedy squinty eyes – check
    close together eyes ( aka masculine feature) – check
    long ass chin – check

    whiny voice that sounds like is it full of mucus – check

  33. Texas Tranny

    Coming from a slutbag, I don’t mind.

  34. Clarky

    I’d hit that. In fact, I’d break that into several pieces.

  35. math

    “She is a sexy women. She is absolutely beautiful but she has no ass and no chest but her beautiful face makes her one of the sexiest women ever”

    put a minus sign in front of that and it’s completely true.

  36. I’d kill…oh how I’d kill…for that body.

  37. ugly compared to jolie

    jolie has an emaculate face. the most beautiful eyes and smile ever. sexy voice, confidence. JA has a hideous and hilarious face ( big nosed and thin lipped bowed mouth ). She would have never made it as an actress in the 30′s and 40′s when woman had to have soft pretty features. even courtney cox has a better face than her.

  38. Ooba Gooba

    Man, Pitt really screwed up when he dumped her for Jolie……….Jolie is a hag. Jennifer Anniston is fine, and a decent person. Jolie sucks.

  39. mr sensitive

    I think she’s hot for one reason only: bucking bronco. As soon as you get to doggiestyle call her “Angelina!” and then hold on for dear life. Ride of a lifetime.

  40. FagHag

    I think she has a smoking body.
    How I’d love to have some hot lesbian sex with her.

  41. Epi S'Otomy

    I’d fuck her if I could get her to wear an Angelina mask. I’m sure that’s what Brad is thinking these days.

  42. veggi reads other stuff too.

    Paris Hilton popped up in a place you’d least expect her, reports People — a bookstore. Spotted in a Los Angeles Barnes & Nobel, least-likely-to-be-literary Paris stocked up on a stack of reading material from the religious and self-help aisle. …

  43. Riotboy


  44. ooba gooba is blind

    angelina has a drop dead gorgeous face. this chick looks like dustin hoffman.

  45. Pinto

    Tough one. Angie vs. Jen. Annoying humanitarian vs. annoying. Praying mantis vs. man with tits. Angry eyes when you cum in her mouth vs. still talking while you cum in her mouth. Brad, what do you think? Or are you unable to comment because you’re right in the middle of shape-shifting to match Angie’s latest mood?

  46. Realist

    You people screaming ‘first’ all the time are dumber than shitstains.

  47. #30 TT thanks :)

  48. lambman

    Regardless of whether or not her ex husband is with an attractive or ugly, man or woman, Jennifer Anniston still looks like a dude.

    Also, if you wanna turn this into as Jen vs Angie thing, I challenge the JA supporters to find a recent pic of Jen that is 1/10th as attractive as this pic taken of Angie in the past week

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