Jennifer Aniston dumped John Mayer because of his wandering penis

August 14th, 2008 // 59 Comments

While conventional wisdom suggests that John Mayer hightailed it out of his relationship with Jennifer Aniston when it became known she wants kids, it turns out he has a “roving eye/wang” which prompted her to eject him from the magical land of constantly erect nipples. The Chicago Sun-Times reports:

Apparently, Aniston gave Mayer a “three strikes and you’re out” ultimatum — after learning about his “quickie” flings with a cocktail waitress and a promoter’s assistant for his concert tour.
That was two strikes. Another dalliance, with a groupie, was the final straw for Aniston.
A longtime major Hollywood studio exec — and good Aniston buddy — adds this: “Above everything else, Jennifer is looking for stability and loyalty in a relationship. She still is hurting from losing Brad [Pitt] to Angelina [Jolie] — even after all this time.”

I have a bit of a wandering penis myself. Except he doesn’t so much as wander as burn through my frequent flier miles. He’ll come home and when I ask if he at least got some, he’ll act all aloof and say “Oh, yeah, sure.” When I know he just sat at some airport bar reading a James Patterson novel. God, what a dick.

Photo: Flynet
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  1. Rocky

    #32

    Then all talented musicians are douch bags because they have the pick of the crop and love it!

  2. susanna

    Jen is over Brad.
    America… get over it.

  3. susanna

    Jen is over Brad.
    America… get over it.

  4. camille

    If she wants commitment, why does she keep picking the bad boys? Probably because they turn her on. But she’s definitely NOT over the hill. Anyone that says she is will never look that damn good at 40!!

  5. Mr. Hung Lowe

    That bitch must suck in bed.

  6. eww

    yucky i always knew john mayer was a whore

  7. fosse

    she always wears fat wedgie heels to elongate her leg and make her problem thighs diminish. note to Jen return the wedgies to britneys closet. thank you.

  8. camille

    Not crazy about the heels either, but you gotta be wacked if you consider those thunder thighs. What’d you have for lunch, a piece of lettuce?

  9. Lola

    Often people look much worse than the celebrities they are tearing down.

    Retard Nation

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