Jennifer Aniston dumped John Mayer because of his wandering penis
While conventional wisdom suggests that John Mayer hightailed it out of his relationship with Jennifer Aniston when it became known she wants kids, it turns out he has a “roving eye/wang” which prompted her to eject him from the magical land of constantly erect nipples. The Chicago Sun-Times reports:
Apparently, Aniston gave Mayer a “three strikes and you’re out” ultimatum — after learning about his “quickie” flings with a cocktail waitress and a promoter’s assistant for his concert tour.
That was two strikes. Another dalliance, with a groupie, was the final straw for Aniston.
A longtime major Hollywood studio exec — and good Aniston buddy — adds this: “Above everything else, Jennifer is looking for stability and loyalty in a relationship. She still is hurting from losing Brad [Pitt] to Angelina [Jolie] — even after all this time.”
I have a bit of a wandering penis myself. Except he doesn’t so much as wander as burn through my frequent flier miles. He’ll come home and when I ask if he at least got some, he’ll act all aloof and say “Oh, yeah, sure.” When I know he just sat at some airport bar reading a James Patterson novel. God, what a dick.