Jennifer Aniston dating Orlando Bloom – or a guy with brown hair

October 2nd, 2007 // 157 Comments

has some crack reporters on their staff. I’m not sure if they’ve unearthed some legitimate celebrity gossip or just pulled stuff out of their ass. At any rate, they’re claiming Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom were at a resort together in Mexico. Here are the details, I think:

Jennifer Aniston has been spotted holidaying in Mexico with a man that looks suspiciously like Lord Of The Rings star Orlando Bloom.
Although the photograph is a bit vague, Hollywood gossips are excited about the prospect of a new A-list couple.
The picture shows the former Friends beauty photographed sunbathing in a skimpy brown bikini while a topless toned hunk looks on admiringly.
A fellow holidaymaker at the luxurious resort said: “They were trying their best to be discreet but it was clear they were together.”

So Jennifer Aniston is dating a man with brown hair. It might be Orlando Bloom or it might not be. You know what? I’m just going to start making stuff up too. This just in: Jennifer Aniston is dating oxygen. The two were spotted together at a downtown café. Onlookers couldn’t help but notice oxygen spending a large amount of time in Jennifer’s mouth before going deeper into her chest. Jennifer had an on/off relationship with Vince Vaughn but seems to have found herself a more aggressive lover in this Periodic Table of Elements star.

UPDATE: Captain America talks about his one night stand with Jennifer Aniston. Check back later for the saucy details.

superficial

  1. Your site is fine Frist. It’s just I don’t have one…

    I have people bugging me on FaceBook and don’t know what to say.
    Some woman from Australia wants me to ‘Join my movie rating group ‘ etc.
    Like …How will I ever drift back to The Superficial – if I’m rating all her movies ? ETC.

    How much time should we leave to this drivel ?
    Because – 9-11 was an Inside Job …

  2. steve

    Well, the beloved Fish is closed for the day, so here’s an article that may brighten your evening:

    Welcome to every date you’ve been on:

    Knock knock

    Oh hi, how’s it going? It’s me! Every girl ever. I’m really looking forward to this date. I’m not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

    Let’s start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

    You’ll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There’s my decorative birdcage over there even though I don’t have a bird, and there’s my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don’t know what the hell that’s thing’s all about, but I bought it.

    Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn’t it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles!

    Come on into the living room.

    Oh, I see you met my cat there. That’s “Freddy Paws Jr.” Why don’t you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he’ll do that. Hey, let’s check out the kitchen.

    Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we’re really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

    And check it out, we’re holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That’s to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don’t talk to any of these girls anymore because now they’re all bitches.

    Let’s go back into the hallway!

    Hey, before we leave I’m going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don’t you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It’s like you’re sitting in a hug! Be right back…

    Sorry that took a half an hour, I don’t know what the hell I was doing in there. Let’s go!

    Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I’m totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you’re a really good guy because that’s what I want to believe.

    Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don’t need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I’ll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He’s a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

    Now let’s talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

    Wow! I can’t believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don’t need a box. Just throw it out.

    Hey, I’ve got an idea, let’s go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It’ll be great, it will be just like how we’re drinking here, only it will be louder and we’ll have to stand up. Come on!

    See, isn’t this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It’s a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let’s go over there so that they can judge you!

    Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine’s so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

    I’m back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

    Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we’re going to do it again sometime! Maybe I’ll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that’s as empty as my soul. Good night!

  3. tommy salami

    # 1 i hate this greek manbitch
    # 2 IF IT IS ORLANDO I HOPE HE PLAYS ” BUTT PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN” WITH JENNIFER ANUS-TIN untill she has a size 11 asshole

    #3 did i mention how i hate her pushy snotty greek cunt?

    GOD I HOPE SOMEONE STICKS A FORK IN HER EYE

  4. milfalot

    102- had a bad night, did we? I always fuck on the first date. Oh, and I have real art,. And I eat. And I kiss really well.

  5. Whoa, don’t have time to read all of that…STEVE, but I promise to at midnight or tomorrow..

    Binky, it’s cool, but we should definitely spend every waking minute on the internet because that is all life is. Just an internet. You should talk to as many people as possible and join every chat room, blog, forum, and dating website you can. It’s really all that matters anymore, I would know. I’m a recluse and never leave my house.

    Ok, just kidding, I am on my fifth.

  6. TS

    Somebody say Bong? AAAHHHHHHHH Realxation at last.

  7. Yeah, I said bong. Damn, I miss smokin the ganj. But I can’t. So whoever tokes tonight, do an extra for me.

  8. moi

    he does have a tat, and also a massive scar from surgery. and i thought he had majorly long hair at this time? the guy in the pic is also more toned.

    tada

  9. Wendy

    Well, goodnight everybody! I hope prowlers break in and beat and rape you into a coma while you sleep.

  10. logic

    if Pitt were to be commended for trading in his lovely ,intelligent wife for a hot, fertile, with psychological defects ( the’ll show soon ,e.g. like collecting African babies in place of Barbie dolls) that makes the entire world scewed.

    Lots of celebrities are doing more good in needy countries in more effective Nicole Kidman ‘s a UN Goodwill Ambassador too , but you don’t see her carrying gunny sacks of african children around. Neither does she call for a press release for every good deed she does.

    Jolie & Pitt should show more class and efficacy in their charity efforts.

  11. LittleCupcakes

    Her face looks like Larry Bird’s.

  12. Awwwww, thanks Wendy, you are so sweet!

  13. zlac

    If God created a more perfect woman, I don;t know who she is

  14. zlac

    If God created a more perfect woman, I don;t know who she is

  15. Nola

    That’s not Orlando Bloom. Orlando Bloom has a tattoo of a tribal sun near his belly button. Topless man has a tattoo-less belly.

  16. TS

    I had some just for you. And me. I got to work today before dawn and left when t was dark. I deser..we, we deserve it.

  17. kate

    um… this isn’t a resort.

    this is joe francis’ puerta vallarta (or more specifcally punta de minta’s) house.

    cheers!

  18. Hey, TS, you talkin to me?
    If so, I believe you are right. What have I been thinking all these years?

  19. Oh yeah, and I like toast

  20. missop

    they were both there, but were’nt there “together”.
    both actors are represented by the same manager or agent and that person got married
    there were also afew other celebs at the wedding too.

  21. #86 – Um, yes he is. He plays Legolas. http://imdb.com/title/tt0167261/

  22. FRIST!!! She is a mom. She had a secret child with me but didn’t want it so we sold it to Madonna. I suggested selling it to Angelina first but Jen said “Over my dead body!” So yes she is one hot MILF!

  23. D. Richards

    Too bad Jennifer Aniston doesn’t have more of an ass. I like a nice ass. Jen, if your’e reading this; grow a bigger ass. And don’t turn forty. Thank you.

  24. They’d make a hot couple – they’re gorgeous.

  25. TS

    Yeah I was talking to you. Who else. You know you’re the only one I know in here and I really don’t even know you. Back in the office, and it’s dark again. Wanna go home and I just got here. Where’s that corkscrew?

  26. JP

    I know something you don’t know! heehee (sung to the tune of nah-ne-nah-ne-boo-boo song). That’s not Orlando Bloom, that’s “Dr. Will” of Big Brother and now of Dr. 90210.

  27. Captain America

    I’m dead! Besides, Jennifer Aniston isn’t my type. Iron Man is more my speed. <3

  28. havoc

    That third photo has orgasm written all over it.

    mmm mmm

    .

  29. Flist

    #114 – you are kidding, right? If god has created a more ugly-faced dog than Aniston that some weirdos call beautiful, then I don’t know who she is. Other than her conehead, eyes too close together, freaky altered nose, jokeresque smile, and the worst chin this side of Leno, yeah I guess I can see your point. :P

  30. ticker22

    pic01-> doesnt she look about 70 years old. seriously. like an old homeless he/she.

  31. patsy

    to nr. 27: she does not have real breasts. She has impants. It’s very clear on that GQ man of the year cover – or FHM or whatever – she wears a short jeans skirt and is topless, and photographed sideways. The breasts are as fake as the eye colour. I can understand her wanting to improve her bustsize, and I don’t blame her for that (I do mind the lying about it/denying the ops, though) but what’s wrong with having brown eyes?

  32. TS, get some coffee, you’ll be ok. I just woke up.

    BLPRESSURE, really? She hardly looked pregnant at all.

  33. lalaland

    where the HELL are you guys seeing her smoking here???

    #86 you’re joking right? are you stupid or something?

    #121 thanks i was wondering when somebody was going to put dumbass in his place

    #131 yeah i doubt those are fake, you’re trying to use a sideshot as evidence? um okay

  34. FUGS

    she is maybe the ugly actress ever.
    her body is aging, i see now
    but her face is the problem
    UGLY
    does look like peppermint patty from peanuts
    dustin hoffman
    HORRIBLE FACE
    UGLY
    her voice is even ugly
    and she has NO TALENT
    If britney took a shower, i would def prefer her over Chin fugiston

  35. ew

    she is two years too old for that bathing suit.
    and her face is SICK!

  36. P

    Shes not dating orlando bloom because hes dating meeee damnit
    hahaha

  37. Jorge Kooney

    First all Mr. Bloom is gay, like that Doogie Houser acting type person. Second I have brown hair, it might have been me but I don’t think so. I don’t have the body of a high school freshman.

  38. Bloom is not look good to be Jens BF…. I think he deserves better than Jen who is fresher and sexier!

  39. Big Dumb Oaf

    Does anyone have a closeup of Johhny Fairplays face hitting the stage after attacking Danny?

  40. JenJen

    DUH!!! The man in the pic is so clearly Dr. Wil from Big Brother/dr 90210 and anyone that doesn’t believe me can eat me…….really mmmmmm

  41. Getoverit

    Jen’s face looks like a Mr Potato Head. The shape, the ears sticking out, the piecemeal face. So very very ugly.

  42. Catherine

    personally i always thought she was overrated i couldnt see what Brad Pitt saw in her but now with Angelina turning into skeletor it looks like he would have lost either way

  43. Valerie

    131 is an asshole. How old are you, 12? she hasn’t changed in 20 years. Maybe her nose a little.

    Wake up, dumbass!

  44. blady02

    You people are cruel Jen and Orlando would make a great couple and she is talented, beautiful, classy and he is distinguished even at his age.

  45. igroovin

    umm… i see a tatoo people. there is a whole in the sun on his bellybutton. ha that rhymes. why couldnt they just be friends? is that soo wrong?

  46. tickettoride

    ORLANDO HAS A TATTOO AROUND HIS BELLY BUTTON.

  47. Hayleeeeeey

    Hmm i would have said yeah it does look like him. But like others have pointed out Orlando Bloom has a tattoo on his stomach, unless he got rid of it or something =/.

  48. Mark

    Number 143 (Valerie) – If you would just look at the photographs from that “the leprachaun” movie you would find that JA was born with brown hair, brown eyes, very small breasts, a somewhat different nose and even a different hairline. In the early episodes of “Friends” she was really flatchestd later on she suddenly had medium sized breasts. I like brunettes and watched because of Courtney Cox, and I’m not even a breast man…… but even I couldn’t help but notice the change in her bra size. It is a fact that she has really changed an awful lot in 20 years time. . Which does not meas to say that she is not aging well – she does look good for a 38 year old.
    And not many people her said she didn’t. Patsy didn’t either.

    I personally don’t think there is anything serioulsy wrong with having plastic surgery, everybody including JA can do what he or she likes with his or her own body. Many people apparently feel that changing from a brown eyed brunette into a blue eyed blonde it is a change for the better. I guess that has become the global idea of what is beautifull. And if JA felt she needed larger breast, it’s great that she could buy them. Good for her. In her line of work, she gets judged on her looks, so I can understand her decision. And at least Jennifer chose to go for a normal cupsize, and not for completely fake and unnaturel looking. I have to give her that. But just because they look fairly real and natural, it does not mean that they are completely natural. So many woman have inplants nowadays, it is not a taboo anymore, there is no real need to deny it?

    Anyway, it is a sad world when a grown woman calls a teenage girl an asshole when that teenage girl observes that denying an obvious breast anlargement and wearing coloured contact lenses is kind of fake. That is like calling someone an asshole for stating the obvious, like noticing that the sky is blue (or grey) or saying that grass is green.

  49. Good Luck Jen! You look great, toned and healthy.
    At least you eat meals!
    All the best to you personally and professionally, you have proved to be the mature one who thinks logically. Continue to take your time choosing Mr.Right getting knocked up 5 minutes into a relationship is impulsive, children are impulsive! Adults think things through! Jen!

  50. jenfraud

    All this FRAUD of a woman can do is to generate a fake PR ‘rumor’ relationships. As the reigning Queen of Tabloids, we don’t expect any less from you, MISS FRAUD ANISTON!

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