Jennifer Aniston dating Orlando Bloom – or a guy with brown hair

October 2nd, 2007 // 157 Comments

has some crack reporters on their staff. I’m not sure if they’ve unearthed some legitimate celebrity gossip or just pulled stuff out of their ass. At any rate, they’re claiming Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom were at a resort together in Mexico. Here are the details, I think:

Jennifer Aniston has been spotted holidaying in Mexico with a man that looks suspiciously like Lord Of The Rings star Orlando Bloom.
Although the photograph is a bit vague, Hollywood gossips are excited about the prospect of a new A-list couple.
The picture shows the former Friends beauty photographed sunbathing in a skimpy brown bikini while a topless toned hunk looks on admiringly.
A fellow holidaymaker at the luxurious resort said: “They were trying their best to be discreet but it was clear they were together.”

So Jennifer Aniston is dating a man with brown hair. It might be Orlando Bloom or it might not be. You know what? I’m just going to start making stuff up too. This just in: Jennifer Aniston is dating oxygen. The two were spotted together at a downtown café. Onlookers couldn’t help but notice oxygen spending a large amount of time in Jennifer’s mouth before going deeper into her chest. Jennifer had an on/off relationship with Vince Vaughn but seems to have found herself a more aggressive lover in this Periodic Table of Elements star.

UPDATE: Captain America talks about his one night stand with Jennifer Aniston. Check back later for the saucy details.

superficial

  1. TS

    You crack me up. I’ll have to sever my madulla oblongada or something. Great point.

  2. TS

    Hey FRISTT!!!, Any chick who refers to some lame ass as a “shitbag” is alright in my book…

  3. Nah, that’s no good. How bout we just find out who the troll is and sever something of his? You know, like a jugular.

  4. moondust

    @44 about 36… i suppose the M could be for man?

  5. #54 Hmmmmm….

  6. aqua6

    Good for her if she is dating him. Someone that has stable career and at least can be loyal. Brad PItt is despicable, lying and cheating. Vince is somewhat a lady man and can’t be committed to one woman. Hopefully the new guy is better than those two.
    Time to move on Jen. You can fly and shine and don’t let the Brad and evil Angela steal the spot light with their so called “the world day care” scheme.

  7. TS

    Can I cut his heart out and make carne asada out of it.? With extra Tapatio. Then will freshen up with a stick of Chulees Gum. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

    Alright , weird, We hardly even know eachother and we’re talking about slitting throats and eating heart tacos.

  8. mso

    that’s the evil dr.will!

  9. I got no problem with trollicide…

  10. deeemang

    It’s Dr.Will from Big Brother All-stars.

  11. But I also enjoy long walks on the beach, sunsets and rainbows.

  12. So you can see I am perfectly sane…

  13. Oh! I gotta go! Friends is on!!!

  14. TS

    Alright STILL at the office and gotta work. Talk with you when I am getting paid for doning nothing tomorrow sometime.

  15. What the CRAP, TS!!! You work nights or something? Or are you in Europe or something?

  16. I’m on my third “beverage”

  17. TS

    No, here ar the office in CA and “Management” doesn’t work by hours. I have a huge sales report due. Overdue actually. My head is about to explode. Can’t wait to get home and and have a “smoke” and a “beverage” myself. I am jealous. Nope, no smelly ass euros here. I hat Europe. I go there twice a year for work and it is so overrated.

  18. That looks like Will Kirby to me!

  19. Your third bev Frist ?
    And you still fail to fully appreciate this woman’s work on Seinfeld ? Did she not play ‘Newman’ with elegance ?
    TIME OUT !
    Wait a sec -some of my sources seem to be open to bribs…hummm..A few ‘pseudonyms’ seem to get thru lately……
    But I must admit – I had a few Olando Blooms growing ‘under the rim’ as they say in the industry for a while…
    That’s why I brought in th Lysol ( tm)

  20. HO

    OH PLEASE!!!! ORLANDO BLOOM IS AS GAY AS BRITNEY IS FAT, AND THAT IS VERY VERY GAY.

  21. Ed

    I dunno who’s doing the writing here, but it’s amazing. It almost took my life.

    Really.

  22. HOLY SHAT!!!!!

    SHE IS OOOOOOOOOOOOOGLY!!!! she looks like peppermint patty from peanuts in the face! no wonder brad left that ugly dustin hoffman look alike.

  23. milfalot

    OKAY ASSHOLES- MILF MEANS MOM I’D LIKE TO FUCK. IS JENNIFER ANISTON A MOTHER? NO. THEREFORE SHE CANNOT BE A MILF.

  24. Well. Ok . #72.
    But don’t blame Orlie – Blame the ‘High School musical’ where all these Hollyweird actors come from.
    And can you blame that Vanessa H chick, with the digi-cam, in the bedroom.
    with the – IE : ” By the way – can anyone relate to this ? ” etc….
    (Sorry. no – back to the drawing board hun. Good luck with the ‘C Minors” – but don’t worry – there’s a good chance Disney will pick it up)

  25. milfalot

    No comprende Binky. Sorry.

  26. umawwi

    her tits used to be perkier in the old days but she has definitely taken care of herself (unlike Sharon Stone *gag*). Good for her.

  27. TS

    #74, that’s pretty good. I totally see to similarity. would have never thought of that one. I still think she’s hot though. Must be every scene from Friends she’s got hard nipples or something. Yeah, I’m a pig I guess. Plus she was way hotter in friends.

    By the way the only reason I ewver watch Friends is to see her nipples. I am as straight as they come. Promise.

  28. # 77 Don’t worry. Don’t lose any sleep over it .
    But here’s Binky’s Cheat Notes:
    For many perps all over the world to get into acting – you first have to act in school in the ‘High School’ play. These tend to be musicals where you have to sing and dance etc. But not everyone feels that ‘fancy’ free…etc…at that age etc…
    Some people do.
    Not that’s there’s anything …you know…
    So there’s a chance this woman’s postings of naked pix of herself was a ‘cry for help’ etc. SOS type thing…
    But if you can’t figure out this Tarot shit – just remember -
    9-11 was an Inside Job.
    Etc.

  29. Cindy

    Jeez! You guys are so gay, even your rectal polyps are screaming “ENOUGH!!!”

  30. TS, good luck on your report. Maybe a “beverage” would make it easier? Works for me.

    Binky. I don’t know what to say. Guess I need to go for a fourth.

  31. George

    Now way is that Orlando Bloom: 1) he is way too fat ,and, 2) I saw him last night on Live TV on CCTV (China TV), so he was in China with the LA Governator, Arnold, both promoting trade with China. Hopefully, it’s not for more pet food and toys. I really believe that the Chinese were trying to kill off or retard our younger generation, so they can conquer us in a few year, and make us all their slaves.

  32. Oh, wait, I know exactly what to say. Toaster oven pie monkey mac n cheese.

    You know you were all thinking that…

  33. Binky’s cheat sheet
    Oh #77 .OK. if you’re referring to #71
    The subliminal reference there is – who gives a shit who these people are ?
    3,000 people were murdered in the US , 2001. No one charged. Which lead to the murder of hundreds of thousands elsewhere.
    9–11 was an Inside Job.
    If you’re not outraged – you’re not paying attention.

    ( Well. Ok. The topic. A brush I got from WalMart helped me get rid of the Orlando Blooms under the rim. WalMart ?
    So I’m not totally PC. Blow me.)

  34. HA yeah sure they're dating..

    “Jennifer Aniston has been spotted holidaying in Mexico with a man that looks suspiciously like Lord Of The Rings star Orlando Bloom.”
    UHHHH HELLO ORLANDO BLOOM ISNT IN LORD OF THE RINGS DUMBASS!!
    how has no one noticed that yet?

  35. Only 4 Frist ?
    There is reality out there.
    I’m with you for five !!

  36. Got a martini bong?

  37. Gotta take the olives out first though….I learned that the hard way.

  38. (Don’t believe everything you read here)

    Well ok, other thaN MY STUFF

  39. Can anyone say…HEIMLICH???

  40. Ok, I gotta chop 4 onions now, so i may cry a little. I’m making chicken tikka masala tomorrow night.

  41. gIN OR VODKA MARTINI ?
    (Perhaps the caps was on)

  42. vodka, bad experience with gin as a teen.

  43. Frist whenever I click your link I have to turn down the sound.
    and ,like, that goth skull thing -
    close my eyes.etc.

    In other words – it’s much like life !
    A walk in the park…. ROCK ON !!!

  44. milfalot

    Yes Binky, I’m referring to 71. And 76, and also 80. Oh, and 85, and also 87, though that one I kind of got. In some strange way your words make me want to fuck you. And remember, I truly am a MYLF. Comprende?

  45. gerard Vandenberg

    To be honest: My hair is brown-coloured too!!

  46. Wait, Binky, are you saying you hate my page? I know it’s kind of creepy, but it gives children nightmares. What could be better? Now I’m sad. I’m crying right now. Oh, wait, that’s the onions I reckon…

  47. desy

    still ugly and wobbly..and somebody looks like shes gonna get a double chin sooon…

  48. # 96 Sorry . Me no speak. My Spanish sucks.
    Like, I used to be able to order a couple of Coronas – but who am I to brag ?
    (Watched Colbert tonight – there’s a chance they ‘get’ it)

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