Jennifer Aniston dating Orlando Bloom – or a guy with brown hair

October 2nd, 2007 // 157 Comments

has some crack reporters on their staff. I’m not sure if they’ve unearthed some legitimate celebrity gossip or just pulled stuff out of their ass. At any rate, they’re claiming Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom were at a resort together in Mexico. Here are the details, I think:

Jennifer Aniston has been spotted holidaying in Mexico with a man that looks suspiciously like Lord Of The Rings star Orlando Bloom.
Although the photograph is a bit vague, Hollywood gossips are excited about the prospect of a new A-list couple.
The picture shows the former Friends beauty photographed sunbathing in a skimpy brown bikini while a topless toned hunk looks on admiringly.
A fellow holidaymaker at the luxurious resort said: “They were trying their best to be discreet but it was clear they were together.”

So Jennifer Aniston is dating a man with brown hair. It might be Orlando Bloom or it might not be. You know what? I’m just going to start making stuff up too. This just in: Jennifer Aniston is dating oxygen. The two were spotted together at a downtown café. Onlookers couldn’t help but notice oxygen spending a large amount of time in Jennifer’s mouth before going deeper into her chest. Jennifer had an on/off relationship with Vince Vaughn but seems to have found herself a more aggressive lover in this Periodic Table of Elements star.

UPDATE: Captain America talks about his one night stand with Jennifer Aniston. Check back later for the saucy details.

superficial

  1. jrzmommy

    FIRST! you worthless stinking cunts!

  2. Italian Stallion

    Weak………

  3. penis mightier

    Topless toned hunk? First of all I’m not sure “topless” describes a man with no shirt very well. Also Bloom is more of a “skinny effeminate pretty boy” than a toned hunk.

  4. Pat

    “A-list couple”?
    “beauty”?
    “toned hunk”?

    nah. can’t be them

  5. Mdiz

    more ass

  6. She’s no beauty but at least she looks healthy unlike
    that vampiress Angelina. Go and be happy.

  7. wedgeone

    She’s got quite an old-lady belly in those lower pictures.

  8. Riotboy

    Better than Demi Moore too.

  9. Maybe I’M dating Orlando Bloom. My boyfriend does have brown hair…..

  10. eastcoastgirl

    She looks tan , toned , healthy and happy. Good for her.

  11. moobs

    at least she seems a bit mentally stable.

    HOT.

  12. Ha! Good one, FRIST! Pulling a dildo out of your ass and then saying “my boyfriend has brown hair”!

  13. havoc

    Oh my God, the things I would do to that woman…..

    More Jennifer, less Brintey please…

    .

  14. westcoastgirl

    She looks dingy, fat, diabetic and depressed. Good for her.

  15. BunnyButt

    Uh, I don’t see anyone looking at her in this picture. Maybe they’re talking about another one?

  16. miggs

    The fat belly is a bad match for the pinchy thin-lipped sourpuss face.

  17. BunnyButt

    And the topless, supposedly toned hunk in the pic isn’t that toned looking … and I’ll bet he’s looking at the topless 15 year old girls on the beach.

  18. Pointafter

    He’s toned as a gay-receiver: soft but not fat.

  19. ssdd

    1st Pic… I .. I just don’t know…

  20. PunkA

    Jenn really needs to have a baby. MINE!!!!

    Wowowow. What a MILFy hot thing she is.

  21. She’s dating me.

  22. tylerdurden

    It’s not him. Orlando has a tattoo on his stomach. I don’t know why I know that but there you go. Must have been for scientific purposes…

  23. DickTracy

    Not a perfect photo, but I think I see his “sun” tatoo near his bellybutton. And he kindof has those nipples that point in two opposite directions.

    http://www.tattoos-by-design.co.uk/celebrities/cttattoo.asp?celeb_id=24&tattoo=39

  24. O. Bloom

    The tattoo says “Splooge Landing Zone”

  25. #12 hey TTT, I’ve missed you. I see you’re off your meds again :( Oh well, just glad to see your back trolling again. Have fun, shitbag, for losers like you, this is all you’ll ever have :)

    ENJOY!!!

  26. sb

    Looks kinda like Hayden Christensen.

  27. wayne

    nice some real tittes
    #7 I’d squirt over her littleol’lady belly anytime

  28. leatherdaddy

    *yawns* sure is a lot of old news on this site today. i guess fish decided not to drink today, while i on the other hand just woke up to start. heres to another wasted day. cheers!

    iwonky: there was nothing witty about your comment when first. Congratulations.

  29. HRH Adam

    Man is she disgusting. She makes Sarah Jessica Parker look cute, and Star Jones look feminine. But hey, she can play that Rachel character in any number of movies. People like her lead me to believe it really is possible to sell one’s soul to the devil. I hope he’s doing something good with it, because she isn’t doing much for me here on Earth.

  30. Smush

    Nah, I don’t believe the romance rumors. Anyways, I heard that they’re both staying at the same resort, so thats true. And maybe that pic is of them. But they’re staying at the same resort because they’re there to attend the wedding of a mutual friend. Anyways, they certainly don’t seem like each others type. And in general I think they’re both over rated as far as looks go.

  31. Lindz

    ^ Agree with you totally.

    This is just what Maniston needs if more suntanning and cigarettes. She’s getting more leathery and manly looking all the time

  32. AmeriCanadian

    She smokes??? GROSS!!!

  33. She’s gorgeous, he’s hot, go for it!
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  34. whatever

    Orlando Bloom has a tattoo of a sun on his torso. That’s not him.

  35. dana

    old story

  36. Whoever it is, good for you lucky bastard! I’d love to get some of that MILF pussy.

  37. TS

    Hey everybody, check out the family pic of me and my “mom” and “dad”!

  38. Karen

    They are there because someone from their MUTUAL management company is getting married. Several celebrities besides them are also there. Nothing is going on.

  39. Ewwwww TS that is fucked up. Is that shit real or photoshopped? I didn’t look long enough to tell.

  40. jacknasty

    I always knew that Orlando was into dudes! I wonder which one is the top?

  41. TS

    #37, what does that even mean?

    You lost dude, give it up. Concede already, You can’t fight the fact that you have a toothless greasy hot dog necked mom. Who likes me to blow ropes on her face. And shit in her mouth. You can’t. So don’t even try. Be gone.

  42. STeve

    who cares…….J Anniston is the most boring woman out there

  43. TS (Um, NOT #37 troll)

    @ #37, OH, I just figured that one out. Pardon me if I’m not a fucking nerd. The question is, what the hell are you doing with access to a picture like that? Fuckin fag. You should be ashamed of yourself, that’s gross. I have honestly never seen such a thing. And I thought I had seen it all. This shit was all in decent fun until you go and pull something like that. You are seriously a fucked up dude. Now pardon me while I go throw up. You win.

  44. #36, how can she be a MILF? She’s not a mom.

  45. TS, don’t feel bad, that troll has been putting that pic on his (our) names for months. I didn’t even have to click on it this time to know what it probably was. Pretty sure he or she even put it on my name once, can’t remember. But the image is burned in my brain for life.

  46. TS

    OK FRIST!!!, that actually makes me feel better. I guess I am new to this because I honestly didn’t even know you could click on our names to go to, well, wherever. Hell I clicked on yours and now I have officially been to Myspace.. Always heard of it, never been there. Sweet page by the way. Love it.

  47. Awwww, thanks, I used to have a lot of time on my hands….so, was it the pic of the old fags?

  48. TS

    Yup, that’s the one. I feel like stabbing myself in the eyes with corkscrews…

  49. LMAO, I know, but trust me that won’t help. You have to stab your brain in the memory lobe or something…

  50. SSJPabs

    New A-List couple? Why the hell is Jennifer Aniston A-List? She has made two or three decent movies and one good movie, the good one where she wasn’t even the lead.

    Jennifer Aniston needs to realize she has TV talent not movie talent.

    Also, wtf? I know British papers don’t have journalistic standards but c’mon…

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