Jennifer Aniston breaks out the big guns

June 13th, 2009 // 98 Comments

Jennifer Aniston apparently set her cleavage to “Fuck You, John Mayer” last night at the Women in Film Crystal & Lucy Awards because, for the first time in a long time, I’m looking at her without feeling like my penis is smashed up against an iceberg. And for the record, yes, I do think of my reproductive organ as a massive nautical vessel. — Argh!

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  1. Come-Honor-Face

    She is a hot piece of ass and most likely always will be, but zomg the push-up-bra-mechanics on that dress are working super overdrive…

  2. Dr Truth

    She wants a baby but thinks she needs Prince Charming to paint her cervix so she’s holding out for this imaginary guy. The clock’s ticking hon, the bloom is going to fall of the rose soon. Get busy.

  3. River of Time is running dry

    This witch is far too old for a baby. Death is the next big step for one as old as she. There really is nothing left for her. She is not a real actress and is far too aged for the “girl next door lovable and sweet ” bullshit she has been relying on for the last 10 years. She is like 40 now. It’s all over.
    Dear ladies: after 40 there is only changing your daughter’s diapers. Party’s over. Time to check out a nice plot of land for your final resting place.

    Have a nice weekend.

  4. oof

    she’s still got it.

  5. violet

    she’s plain as usual, imho. but her dress is fucking ugly. just sayin’

  6. lalala

    shesssssss cute

  7. Cash

    Too bad she’s a total bitch, and probably a cold fish in the sack.

  8. Matt

    Man he is wonderfull…. everything about her is perfect.
    I dont know about you guys but her feet drive me crazy
    perfection!

  9. DK

    She’s still rapetastic. She’ll make a hot MILF.

  10. Tyron Shoelaces

    I’m feelin Mr Test Tube is in her future!

  11. Fuck You

    That tinfoil shit makes her tits look lopsided.

  12. Fegirst

    That pimple at the left side of her cleavage (her left, our right) is really distracting me. I want to reach in there and pop it.

  13. captain america

    …………………THE SECRET NAME FOR DILDO’S, folks?

  14. zebop

    She still got it so why not flaunt it?

    Better her than Madonna and her man-hands. Me scared mommy!

  15. Fuck U

    That dried up skanky whore is trolling, if she wasn’t such a bitch, she’d have a fuckin man to abuse and some retarded kids.
    WTF is up with that fucked up dress?
    Let’s face it, she’s slipping…fast.

  16. amoi

    She’s got a lot more going for her than half the blonde booby retards out there. Go Jen!

  17. Jen

    I don’t like that dress, but holy God her body is amazing. She must work out 24/7. I love it!!

  18. Mocha

    Such harsh comments, honestly god forbid you idiots ever wanted a happily married life and could not attain it. And bringing up the ability to never have children? How the hell did your parents raise you. Freaks.

  19. Mightee tall

    She looks great. If you like seeing crazy pics of celebrities you should check out http://www.tylershields.com

  20. angy

    Ive always liked her. I dont like the midsection of that dress. She looks great. Way better than me and im way younger. I really hope she finds what shes looking for.

  21. Uk_Matt

    All I can say is….”Where the fuck did they come from”

    Why doesn’t she dress like this all the time ?

    I’m a fucking genius baby, I’ll give you the sperm count you need.

  22. Body by Heaven. Dress courtesy Reynold’s Wrap.

  23. alfalfa

    I would love to glaze those mounds

  24. at last

    What a hideous creature. Not even the cleavage can help her. Fugly hag.

  25. mikeock

    John Mayer is a Twittering man boy. Jen is hotter at 40 than she ever was. I would REALLY enjoy a night between those sweet tits. Oh,and for the record – it would be just a little weird fucking a cunt that still has Brad Pitt tracks in it, but I’d manage. I’m pretty sure I’d be sliding past his personal best.

  26. mikeock

    I wonder if she swallows. What do you think?

  27. Amy

    #3 wtf is wrong with you? Seriously….wtf is wrong with you? Mother sexually abuse you, die, etc.? You need help.

  28. Why in good god’s name is she dressed in tin foil?
    New fashion statement that I’m unaware of?
    Looks like I’ll be clothes shopping in the kitchen appliances aisle from now on.

  29. fearsarewishes

    Not bad this time.

  30. Rhialto

    I’m surprised,a Jennifer Aniston post since a long time.What happened?

  31. Nero

    I don’t think she’s wearing any panties.She’s ready to get sperminated.

  32. Shawn

    I wanna play with those!!

  33. His Huge Greatness Himself

    Did someone call me? What must i do?

  34. San

    Desperate. I hate it when old women try to act like they are 20 something-which she is not for sure. She looks rediculus. Too bad all the men in Hollywood run like hell from her crazy ass.

  35. San

    Desperate. I hate it when old women try to act like they are 20 something-which she is not for sure. She looks rediculus. Too bad all the men in Hollywood run like hell from her crazy ass.

  36. Ben

    Cheap ill fitting dress. I expect her to wear a better dress than that. Jen has her pr team cranking up the phony awards for her. Time to hunt for another phony man to front with at her movie premiere. I guess John Mayer is out this time around.

  37. Amy is Aging rapidly

    Yes Amy, both of my parents and most of my uncles used me as their toy. I was beaten, raped, defecated on, tattooed at age 4, lived in a basement (still do).
    What the fuck is your problem you ugly spic-whore? You must really be impressed by your own patheticness posting your page here. It must really frighten you to know that life is short and you will face the death of your loved ones sooner than you would like. How fleet are the days, long the memories but essentially nothing more than neural imprints. Nothing more. Soon, you will see your first gray hairs since you have animal-like black follicles. Than the crow’s feet will display unto your reflection the realization that you are beginning to decay. You will no longer be referred to as a girl, but rather, a woman. And then you will marry the best you can, most likely settling for a mate far less than your fantasies (I would imagine you fantasize to the squishy sounds of a large cunt being impaled with a long and wide dildo).
    You see, life is mostly about disappointments since we are only here for a cosmic instant and for no logical reason other than to pass on our genes.

    For no other reason than to perpetuate the macromolecular assemblage we call “our lives”. Our children (which we are fooled by our minds into loving) are nothing more at all than vehicles of genetic perpetuation. Love is a lying hormonal delusion with the same mundane purpose. We fuck and fuck and spill our rancid gametes, the female being machine to propagate. Other than that they are a useless gender. They age horribly and become nuisances in that process of dying.

    By the way Amy, I will be in your neck of the woods next month. Perhaps you would be interested in meeting me and buying me drinks. Just think. You might get lucky.

    Chow

  38. czar

    God… that is only a face a mother can love…. nasty.

  39. Fati

    she looks great. shut the fuck up haters. i hope you rot.

  40. She looks like a man!!!

    Follow a paparazzi on Twitter twitter.com/Dave90027

  41. Amy

    #37…okay, now I know you’re joking. First, I’m 24, therefore not old. Second, I’m not a spic…just a regular, run of the mill whitey. Third, I always post my page so that I can be held accountable for my “mouthing off.” I don’t like to hide behind a computer…unlike you.

    I’m quite aware that one day I will get old and die. I didn’t need to get a law degree to figure it out. I guess since I’ll be worthless after 40 in the looks and baby-making department, I’ll just keep making money and going on trips. I think women are allowed to do those things nowadays. I may even learn to quilt…I think quilts are a nice thing to have. They keep folks warm. Hey! There’s a purpose for me…oh wait…men can make quilts also….nevermind. Hangs head in shame.

    Also, nice try on attempting to sound intelligent. Half-of it didn’t make sense, wasn’t spelled correctly, and contained run-ons. You had the right idea…it just didn’t pull together nicely. Me having a law degree must have really made you feel the need to impress me. How cute. If you were being humorous, I am slightly impressed. If not, then no dice.

  42. Amy

    Also, I hope you know–I constantly win awards for both my beauty and chastity. Trophys, gift certificates to Dorsia, Micky D’s, 2 tickets to paradise… etc. TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU, FUCKING BASTARD!

  43. Ananana

    uh oh… somebody’s been eating her feelings………………………….

  44. Speaking of gunz, did jenny go postal on Forbes magazine offices yet?

  45. Grover Cleveland

    I have never understood why this bitch is famous.

    From her wretched performance in the original “Leprechaun”, her lousy attempts in “Office Space” (which was the only bad part of that entire film), to her long-running stint on that overrated and shitty, shitty TV show, she’s always seemed like just another lame, no talent, high maintenance pain-in-the-ass that sucked the right Hollywood dicks.

    Except for mine. Now come over here Jen, and slob on this knob, if you please.

  46. friendlyfires

    this is all Mia Farrow’s fault

    think about it

    now where’s my asian hooker with the nylon rope?

  47. Pilatunes

    She’s been hot for a long time, but can’t keep a guy for shit. I honestly think that on a day to day basis she’s fuckin’ whacked. I hate to say this, but no matter how how you are…fuckin’ whacked gets old.

  48. Mega

    Every guy run from her because she is crazy and a bed bug. If she tries to link her name to a guy that guy deny her ass fast a lighting. No body wants a bitter old negative ho. Freaking cold dead fish in bed.

  49. JD

    Pic #8 is totally photoshop material.

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