Jennifer Love Hewitt is Picking Dudes Up Off The Street and Banging Them Now

August 15th, 2011 // 62 Comments

“And there’s three of them already picked out. You don’t even have to shop.”

Last week, we found out Jennifer Love Hewitt managed to score a date with The Bachelorette 2nd place contestant Ben Flajnik after he saw her pining for him over Twitter and went in for the mercy lay. That romance ended as quickly as it began because three days later he was chosen to be the next star of The Bachelor and naturally chose to have ABC pay him to get banged by chicks they’re paying to bang him for his hand in marriage. (Sometimes you’re alright, America.) In response, here’s Jennifer Love Hewitt running into a random dude outside of a pizza shop – of course – and then attempting to discreetly slip into her house where she later emerged in sweats and a T-shirt because if there’s one thing J. Love knows, it’s how to keep a man. Then again, I could be reading this situation entirely wrong, and it’s more along these lines.

J. LOVE: *stops car, rolls down window* Hey! Hey, kid.
KID: Yeah?
J. LOVE: C’mere. I’ll let ya see my tits if you do me a favor.
KID: What kind of favor?
J. LOVE: I need ya to go into a supermarket and buy me 40 bear claws before Real Housewives starts.
KID: Why can’t you do it yourself?
J. LOVE: Eh, the paparazzi are all over me, I ain’t got time to explain. So, c’mon, kid, ya in or not? I’m hurtin’. I’m hurtin’ real bad.
KID: I dunno…
J. LOVE: Alright, alright, new proposition: I got these three rings in my purse…

Photo: Pacific Coast News

superficial

  1. Fletch

    Why oh why! Another “she used to be so hot”; still is in the face but the gut and the legs look like something on a Hogan

  2. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    NYC I Banker
    Commented on this photo:

    … and …

  3. awe cute they have matching chucks

  4. Polk

    Mystery man? Someone run his tag number!

  5. Deacon Jones

    If I was her, I’d talk the USO into flying me to Iraq and just run around in the sand until a landmine blew my legs off.

    • Artofwar

      ….She tried but was rejected by Official Command. Turns-out they are not into her type. They’re into the refined, classic beauties, like Rosie O’Donnell types….Artofwar

  6. PoorMaryKelly

    Why haven’t they given her a dating show like Brett Michaels? “Trailer of Luv” would be disgusting but I’d watch.

  7. That Bastard Tony

    I really want to blame the camera angle here for her legs and thighs… I really would.

  8. rough

    Specifically what street corner was this taking place? So I can be sure to avoid it when I visit?

  9. rough

    Don’t forget to include the side streets.

  10. Hard to tell if this guy is a step up or down from when she dated Joey Lawrence.

  11. Taftytafttaft

    The shoes really bring out the cankles in her tree trunk legs.

  12. Pete

    She seems to like men who resemble rats.

    • Artofwar

      ….We in the Rat community find your comment hurtful and insulting. Please refrain from your wanton inter-species defamatory statements….Artofwar

  13. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    Pete
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve seen that face on women I’ve banged before. It’s a face that tells me I did my job well.

  14. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    Soupofdefish
    Commented on this photo:

    Look at those legs, they don’t seem to match the feet.. WTS… I would still bone and here’s my number 928-474-4411. The wife said I could if she got to watch…

  15. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    where is this at? cuz that dress with those shoes are totally turning me on…

  16. Board Certified Prevert

    It’s so hard to get pregnant once youve passed menopause

  17. If it doesn’t look like this guy is packing cookies and bacon, I refuse to buy this.

    • Artofwar

      ….Thought it was supposed to be wiped cream and sausage–I’m confused….Artofwar

      • Yeah, you are confused. Seriously, how fucking insecure are you that you have to sign your fucking posts “artofwar” when you’re already fucking posting under a fucking heading that fucking tells us who you fucking are? Fuck.

        And it’s “whipped” cream, not “wiped” cream.

  18. Christ

    That dress looks like a fucking tent. I’d do butt sex with her still…but I’d treat her real dirty and make her squel like the dirty little pig she is.

  19. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    Commented on this photo:

    who is the black guy she’s with?

  20. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    khj
    Commented on this photo:

    whaaat

  21. JC

    I know this is partly my nostalgia talking, but….Note to self: Hang out at supermarkets in JLH’s neighborhood wearing suit made out of bear claws.

  22. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    Commented on this photo:

    That right there is a perfect example of “The Duel Walk of Shame”

  23. Joob

    Make all the jokes you guys want, I’d be more than happy to get picked up by her. I’m guessing that despite the comments, most of you would too.

    • Artofwar

      ….Relax fella—most guys would bang a moist crack in the wall if it looked like it wanted it.

      So the fact that most guys would tear this particular vagina off the bone doesn’t say much for this particular vagina owner– or for the matter, vagina owners in general.

      We eat, we fuck, we die, thus, are the wonders of life….Artofwar

  24. tonawanda

    I’ll marry her. When is she in S.F. next??

  25. sc4play

    Them Keds she’s a-wearin’ are mighty fetchin’! Yes sir-ree!! Mighty fetchin’!

  26. terry

    Dude, I would love to bang her while she wears them throw back kicks. OMFG!

  27. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    Commented on this photo:

    Is this kid out of high school, yet?

  28. dontkillthemessenger

    I’d hit it. When is she coming to NY? I’ll get her favorite pre-Bachelor meal from the bodega… wine coolers and Wavy Lays.

  29. Small Asian Penis

    I bet that is her brother, they look exactly alike.

  30. Tad Bit Tipsy

    This is clearly a street deal for tax free twinkies.

  31. Aggie

    Her calves make me happy I’m not short.

  32. RonRon

    I’m almost positive this is my best friend from 5th and 6th grade, his name is Jarod Einsohn. He’s the same age as me, 27. He’s some kind of small-time actor and he’s been in a few things. I grew up with him so I knows him when I sees him. Here’s his imdb: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2430329/ I defy you to prove that it’s not him. Compare his google image pics and you’ll see too. You’re welcome TheSuperficial for breaking this important story for you.

  33. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    Winnie
    Commented on this photo:

    hmmmm the fact that the limpet is not attached to some part of his bod in these pics & that he looks old enough to be her kid – I’m betting brother. If its not her brother, is this her way of announcing she has adopted a child from… Detroit?

  34. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    sooooooosuperficial
    Commented on this photo:

    This dipshit scores with a fucking Honda Accord???? Are you shitting me???? Damn, I’m driving to LA tonite in my Vette and will post photos tomorrow, should be a lock. Hope the star maps have her address.

  35. RonRon

    I’m 100% positive this is him. Picture 14 is the most obvious as compared to his imdb page and google images. The piece that seals the deal is the Texas emblem on the back of his Accord. Plano, Texas is where we grew up together and he was born there.

  36. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    jones13
    Commented on this photo:

    All I see is a handsome guy and a beautiful woman walking across the street! Shame on all you speculating haters!

  37. Venom

    Where are all the tools from the Demi Lovato post that said 7/10 or better famous women won’t bang regular guys?
    He is a pretty regular nobody rolling her around in an Accord.

  38. forrest gump

    those legs are really a joke in a dress, hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

  39. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    cowbulls
    Commented on this photo:

    There are still some spectacular breasts in there but she better hurry and use them to land a man. I understand she is open to darn near anything sexually and that’s a plus. But she is over the hill and rapidly heading to the valley of irrelevance.

  40. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    CANTSTOPSTARING
    Commented on this photo:

    “I wonder if she’s gonna put out.”
    “I wonder what this is between my teeth.”

  41. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    David Foster
    Commented on this photo:

    What are you, 12 years old? Leave the lady alone

  42. Jennifer Love Hewitt Mystery Man
    NopeSorry
    Commented on this photo:

    Reading it as WAY sexier of a situation than it is…. that guy is obviously her ‘herb’ hook-up…. notice the green T-shirt (advertising greens for sale) and dirty pants…. he is the weed-man for sure. She probably has medical card!

  43. dooood

    idc how crazy or chunky ppl think she is now.
    i would still give my foot to be her personal cunilingus attendant.

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