Jennifer Love Hewitt is Picking Dudes Up Off The Street and Banging Them Now

“And there’s three of them already picked out. You don’t even have to shop.”

Last week, we found out Jennifer Love Hewitt managed to score a date with The Bachelorette 2nd place contestant Ben Flajnik after he saw her pining for him over Twitter and went in for the mercy lay. That romance ended as quickly as it began because three days later he was chosen to be the next star of The Bachelor and naturally chose to have ABC pay him to get banged by chicks they’re paying to bang him for his hand in marriage. (Sometimes you’re alright, America.) In response, here’s Jennifer Love Hewitt running into a random dude outside of a pizza shop – of course – and then attempting to discreetly slip into her house where she later emerged in sweats and a T-shirt because if there’s one thing J. Love knows, it’s how to keep a man. Then again, I could be reading this situation entirely wrong, and it’s more along these lines.

J. LOVE: *stops car, rolls down window* Hey! Hey, kid.
KID: Yeah?
J. LOVE: C’mere. I’ll let ya see my tits if you do me a favor.
KID: What kind of favor?
J. LOVE: I need ya to go into a supermarket and buy me 40 bear claws before Real Housewives starts.
KID: Why can’t you do it yourself?
J. LOVE: Eh, the paparazzi are all over me, I ain’t got time to explain. So, c’mon, kid, ya in or not? I’m hurtin’. I’m hurtin’ real bad.
KID: I dunno…
J. LOVE: Alright, alright, new proposition: I got these three rings in my purse…

Photo: Pacific Coast News