Jennifer Love Hewitt is Stalking Robert Pattinson Now

February 11th, 2011 // 64 Comments

Jennifer Love Hewitt has a long, sordid history of scaring men away by forcing them down the aisle along with following the Jessica Simpson Guide to Eating Your Feel Feels. So, of course, she’s also an obsessed Twihard who spends her free time relentlessly pursuing Robert Pattinson, according to Access Hollywood:

“I love Edward,” Jennifer told Billy and his Access Hollywood Live co-host Kit Hoover, earlier this month. “I actually waited in line to take a picture with him after the very first premiere for like an hour and 15 minutes and as I got up to take my picture, they were like, ‘Rob are you tired?’ and he’s like, ‘Yes,’ and he left. And I was standing there like, ‘Are you kidding me?’ Forty women from Milwaukee got their photo, but not me.”

I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume, “Rob, are you tired,” is code for “Crazy in a wedding gown. Commence Sparklepants evac.” On that note, how oblivious to her own career does Jennifer Love Hewitt have to be to not realize she’s been reduced to standing in line to meet other celebrities. Shit, she’s telling people about it. Also, could you imagine how insane it would’ve been for Robert Pattinson if she actually made it up to him? After the knockout gas cleared, I mean.

“Hi! I’m ovulating.” PSSHHHHHHHHH!!

Photos: Splash News


  1. CSA

    yum yum.

    she needs a healthy dose of gobblecocky!

  2. TomFrank

    Did you write something down there? Sorry…I couldn’t get past her cleavage.

    • ChonchArcola

      goddamn them titties are fantastic.

      • May ask of the 12 photos were do you see any boobs? Did you purchase those drunken goggles in the SIMPSONS? I see no boobies. And FISH, YOU ARE VERY VERY GAY as why so many fucken post of this pale face Robert Pattinson. Post after post after post of the Fucker. Closeted Homosexual love does mysteriousness things eh FISH?

  3. randy

    don’t care if they make fun of how she looks these days, i’d stil be all over that like flies on shit

  4. i bet she gives anal on the first date…

  5. This is what happens when you tell a spanish woman no.

  6. Michael Jackson

    What big teeth you have, Grandma…

  7. jojo

    And like Jessica she has chunky hands from absorbing too much chicken grease by reaching directly into the deep fryer.

  8. I'm a jerk

    It’s very telling and classy on her part that she took the time to stand in line with a bunch of nobodies when she could have easily done the bitchy celebrity thing and skipped ahead to the front. Pattinson’s a douche for not taking a picture with her or talking to her. Maybe she was plain-janed out and he didn’t recognize her. That’s the only way this makes sense. Anyone straight with half a brain and dick would have not only taken the picture with her but probably motor boated her on the spot. She may have put a little weight on but those are still two of the best natural tits in Hollywood.

    • Miss Myanus

      A hot young dude like Pattinson doesn’t need to concern himself with last decade’s meat, no matter how great you think her “natural” teats are.

    • babooda

      Since RobPat is supposedly with the nearly chestless KStew, it stands to reason JLH’s rack would have no real effect on him. This line of reasoning also fits the whole, ” He’s gay” scenario to a “T”. KStew looks a good deal like a 12 year old boy, Jennifer doesn’t!

  9. Bucky Barnes

    Is Jennifer now the official spokesmodel for the Frumpy Fashion line?

  10. When your “dress” has become a tarp from Army Surplus, it is time to stop eating for a Party of Five.

  11. Free Glans Removal

    40 women from Milwaukee? That means 12 thousand pounds of weather beaten female flesh, given that the average weight of women in Milwaukee (in fact the entire state of Wisconsin) is 300 lbs. Pattinson may have seen the unretouched photos of Hewitt in a bikini and decided he couldn’t handle yet another cellulite mama, especially one who by virtue of her celebrity status might have expectations of him that he wouldn’t want to fulfill (like touching her gross butt and thighs).

  12. Minerva Smelibut

    Damn everytime I think of trying out the other side, J.Love keeps me wanting more

  13. anonymous

    LOL now women from Milwaukee will want to kick her ass because JLH thinks one of her is better than at least 40 of them.

  14. She was a butterface before butterface was cool.

  15. crizo

    go to sleep old rag and dream with real vampires i bet they like you

  16. Scruffy Roughy

    So what? I thought you were at liberty to do as you please once you’re off the hot list?

    Just like being a public servant for a certain administration.

  17. Cardinal Fang

    I believe she has an obligation to show those boobies before the sag of age and gravity sets in. Just my opinion.

  18. brit boys are cool

    Neither of them are attractive. She still has that goofy look on her face. He always looks like he just woke up with a hangover.

  19. HumpinFrog

    Is that a three ball penis she’s wearing; with cock ring? Aiming at her tits? I can’t compete. I’m outnumbered.

    • babooda

      No, it’s a Penthouse key emblem. I think she is wearing to make people believe she isn’t a prudish little old maid,even though past actions say loudly and very clearly that she is.
      Think of her less than sexy performance in that LMN Channel movie about the woman from Texas who is forced to become a hooker to save her family from financial ruin.
      If her acting in the movie was anything close to the way she really acts when confronted with a sexual situation……YIKES! I thought that my wife and daughter were watching re-runs of “Leave It to Beaver” , she was showing so little skin in the scenes at the brothel.

    • HumpinFrog

      Your married to a women? With Children? OMG. YIKES!

  20. Jennifer Love Hewitt Robert Pattinson
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh God… wtf happened to her
    She used to be so sexy and hot….

  21. Keyser Soze

    She isn’t aging very well at all. She is still in her early 30s isn’t she? OMG she is 31 and she looks like she is 40. Dude! WTF wow god, you got her good.

  22. Nicole

    Her forehead is to high. In about 20 years she’ll look bald. I don’t see the appeal. Robert P could be her flavor of the week!

  23. babooda

    I do have one question. Is she hiding her purse between her asscheeks when she isn’t holding it in her hand for the picture?

  24. Well, she’s aging and overweight, but at least she has her dignity, huh?

  25. tally

    this access hollywood interview happened WHEN? 2 weeks ago buddy! wake up !

  26. A Man Duh

    Does this sparkle nail polish make me look fat? What about the key-to-my-heart necklace? Does it distract from the jowls?

  27. HumpinFrog

    I’d motorboat those titties like they were my personal speed bags. Is she opposed to bodily fluids?

  28. Fuckjudger

    I don’t find her physically attractive, and don’t want to fuck her.

    Not her bottom. Not for free. Not at all.

  29. wim

    the excuse?

  30. Has she been tanning with a bag over her head?

  31. Talia

    People need to layoff her! That woman is GORGEOUS with a capital G. Do you know how many women would KILL for curves like that? Not only is she beautiful, but she was AMAZING in Ghost Whisperer! That show should still be on the air. Oh and John Mayer anyone? “Your Body Is a Wonderland” was written about HER!

  32. maemers

    What a bitch. 40 normies from Wisco get pictures but not me, some irrelevant 90s actress?!

  33. Kates-baby-dadddy

    old news….this was like from a month ago.

  34. Panda Thunder

    Damn! Sparkley vampires must be lactose intolerant.

  35. now admit it folks. You would marry this woman and spend the rest of your life with her, just for a chance with her.

  36. Jennifer Love Hewitt Robert Pattinson
    Commented on this photo:

    okay Superfical readers. all this can be yours if you marry me.

  37. wishbone

    Her forehead’s too high, her hands are chubby, buttaface…FFS’s grow up!

  38. dano

    that sparkle guy could be banging victoria’s secret supermodels every day of the week. JLH may be good enough for you guys, but she’s probably like an old heffa with mom boobs to Pattinson. Kristen Stewart may not have boobs either, but she has an amazing ass, so he’s probably an ass man anyways.

  39. Sex with her is probably always straight missionary. No oral, no doggie, no cowgirl. A few minutes of straight missionary pumping, followed by a long couple hours of cuddling because “isn’t that the best part sweetie?” type bullshit.

    On top of which, you have to constantly reassure her that her jellyfied ass is still sexy as she gobbles up buttered popcorn, peanutbutter cups, and diet coke (to even things out teehee! isn’t she cute and clever?) during your 12th marathon viewing of the Twilight films.

    This cow is such a high-maintenance slob, she drove away fucking Jamie Kennedy.

  40. SlapKatyPerry

    IF i was rob I’d say ” hey jen meet me in my limo in five minutes, I would wear the shocks out on that car; 45 minutes later jen would get out of the car a hot mess and stagger off with a big smile on her face and shoes in hand, I would leave with her panties on my rear view mirror. oh, yea!

  41. Averre

    Yeah..sorry, no way in hell I would take sloppy seconds from Jamie Kennedy.

  42. Jennifer Love Hewitt Robert Pattinson
    Commented on this photo:

    Gigantic jugs alone don’t make a woman hot. She is SO ordinary. The weak chin is such a turn-off.

  43. Carolyn

    Robert Pattinson is one of the most unattractive men I’ve ever seen, There is nothing manly looking about him at all. He’s pale, pasty and has a face that looks like a door slammed into it.

  44. Sus

    OMG, Jennifer…how old are you? Get over it! Leave Rob alone….he’s already taken, and certainly wouldn’t take up with you if he wasn’t!

  45. bob

    I would have such a problem on my hands if I could fuck her. I would have such a hard time deciding on whether to cum in her pussy, or on her cute face…

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