Jennifer Love Hewitt Can Die Now

Posted by Photo Boy

US Weekly is reporting that Jennifer Love Hewitt not only gave birth, but also secretly married her The Client List co-star Brian Hallisay, thus removing any further reason for her to continue living.

JLH Diary – Final Entry

It finally happened. All my years of carefully making my breasts the sole focal point of my body and slipping my three pre-selected engagement rings into the foods and beverages of male suitors has paid off. Brian, my new hubby (I’VE WAITED SO LONG TO SAY THAT!!!), though incapable of speech or movement from his self-inflicted gunshot to the head, is a man any girl could only dream of. And our new baby girl, named Autumn after the season when her life will be sacrificed by the witch whose spell made this all possible, is healthy, happy, and a visible reminder to everyone who thought marrying me could easily be escaped by death. Brain dead does not equal unmilkable prostate. So, I win, life, and as soon as these pills send me to my eternal wedding ceremony inside the maternity ward of a princess castle, you won’t be able to hurt me ever again.

Photos: Photo: Fame/Flynet, Lifetime