Jennifer Love Hewitt Thinks Her Breasts Are Worth $5 Million

March 11th, 2013 // 33 Comments
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Some people will say Holly Madison has absolutely nothing to offer humanity as a whole, but that’s not true because she insured her breasts for $1 million so now other women feel threatened by that and have to say their tits are worth more. A situation I like to believe we’re all richer for, so here’s Jennifer Love Hewitt saying hers are worth $5 million. Via Radar:

The nicely endowed 34-year-old actress, who wears a 36C bra, told USA Today in a video interview, “I need like, an insurance invitation. If somebody was like, ‘Hey, you know what? We would like to insure your boobs for $2.5 million dollars,’ I’d be like, ‘Do it. Love it! Why not?’” She pointed to her chest and laughed, “These things right here are worth $5 million!”

Presumably she’s not talking about their ability to land her a husband, not the amount of money they made her for The Client List, a Lifetime show about giving dudes handjobs that her 86-year-old grandmother can’t get enough of which I now know and am forcing onto you:

Hewitt, now on her second season of the sexy Lifetime show The Client List, in which she plays a mom-turned-prostitute, also revealed that her 86-year-old grandmother “loves to call me the TV ho. She thinks it’s hysterical … I get to rub abs for a living.”

“Hi, grandma! Did you watch last night?”
“Oh, dearie, who in the world taught you to handle a man’s penis like that? Your grandfather would’ve sold me to a mining camp. Grandma would show you how to do it right, but this darn arthritis…”
“Do you think that’s why I can’t find a husband?”
“Are there still three rings in your purse?”
“There’s your answer. Toot-a-loo!”

Photos: Fame, Getty, Flynet, INFdaily, Splash News WENN


  1. Weeblo

    If milked right, they can produce a whole lot more than that. The needs an, um, audit of her assets. I’m sure I can find more value than a paltry $5M

  2. JC

    I doubt that all of LIfetime is worth $5 million, let alone her contract. But future earnings potential, based only on breasts? I could believe $5 million for that, assuming she’s still got a couple of non-chick-flick roles left.

    Would still bang her crazy ass, in a heartbeat. I’ll pick a ring if I have to.

  3. Contract is null and void should any bedazzling of said insurable body part take place.

  4. I can totally believe her ginormous boobs are worth $5 million. Unfortunately, her busted face is a $5 million liability, leaving her with a total net value of zero.

  5. Kabluey

    BUT BUT… all the millions of people Obama keeps putting on food stamps can’t afford those ta tas!

    They aren’t missing much tho, cheetos are waaaay better.

    • I like it when people sneak in some sort of nonsense political garbage into everything they say. It’s like wearing a flashing sign that says “I’m a huge fucking tool” so that everybody else can avoid their tedious asses.

  6. I’m thinking it’s mostly CGI and generalized magic at work on my penis but after watching that music video on mute the other day, i would still bang, whole heartedly.

  7. BetterBelieveIt

    Actually, They are. Best boobs in Hollywood today. One beautiful woman!!!

  8. Disco Dave

    Arguably they are moneymakers. Only reason heterosexual men between 18-54 ever watched Party of Five, Ghost Whisperer and anything ever on Lifetime.

    She’s probably ultra annoying about them too if you’re the boyfriend. Probably as hands off as a painting in the Louvre. You go in thinking you’re getting all access pass to those gorgeous delights and you’re met with French accented security anytime you get within a foot of them.

  9. judgingyou

    Does that include gravity and time?

  10. Maria

    lol they weren’t worth that much at the peak (was there even one) of her career.

  11. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    Commented on this photo:

    and her but too

  12. cc

    I don’t have $5 million but I’d ensure her breasts get the attention they so richly deserve.

  13. I have the weirdest boner right now…

  14. anonym

    I’d have to feel them to see if they’re worth it.

    For 5 mil, they’d have to be spotless, and the nipples would have to look perfect. No stretch marks or sagging allowed.

  15. Gary Grant

    At 5 Million, a motorboat wouldn’t do. Cruise ship perhaps?

  16. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    Commented on this photo:

    Carnac says: “The answer is, Yasser Arafat.”

    The question: “Name the sound that is made when Jennifer Love Hewitt takes off a bandage dress.”.

  17. Grand Dragon

    1998 I Know What You Did Last Summer boobs, yes. 2013′s knee-knockers, no.

  18. I wonder if the insurance company required her to show, and photograph, said assets as proof of their worth.

  19. Would have thought larger than a “C” cup. Was thinking more like “DD” But what the fuck do I know?

  20. I would to lo get in that ass. I have a boner for her going back 15 years.

  21. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    Commented on this photo:

    LOL delusional. her worn out D list tits are not worth anywhere near that…and when she is actually thin and looks good they disappear anyway

  22. hmmm

    here they are when she was 23 not looking so perk, so i dont think ten years later would add to the net worth

  23. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    Commented on this photo:

    36C? Damn. I’m a 36DD. I should get dresses like that…

  24. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    Commented on this photo:

    Dresses like that are usually stretchy :) So, you can get into them and they act as their own girdles, hahah.

  25. Much as I hate starfucking, her boobs are a value at any price.

  26. the wrecker

    Unleash those straps holding it all together and you know it looks like a rubber sack full of raw pork roasts. Nine bucks, tops.

  27. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    Commented on this photo:

    She should take 10 bucks and get some crest white strips

  28. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ll fuck her all the way to Texas…..Woa..I’m from Texas… Don’t have a long way to go then…:)

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