Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Imagination Already Skipped To The Part Where Adam Levine Rejects Her

April 10th, 2012 // 54 Comments
Target: Acquired
Jennifer Love Hewitt
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Last week, Jennifer Love Hewitt informed the entire studio audience of The Ellen DeGeneres Show that she’s working on an elaborate system of traps to ensnare Adam Levine because she’s lonely and it’s sometimes nice to talk to people so she gets carried away. Anyway, she’s since realized this will make Adam less likely to sign for a Jennifer Love Hewitt-shaped package, so now she’s trying to pretend she’s capable of shame. Via Us Weekly:

“Everybody is talking about it and Adam Levine will probably never speak to me,” the actress said during a radio interview with Texas DJ Bobby Bones Friday. “I feel like I should write him an apology letter on Twitter or something just to say I’m so sorry.”

Yes, because if there’s one thing men respond to, it’s long, crazy screeds on social networks. I’m engorged with emotion just thinking about it. On that note, I love how Jennifer Love Hewitt thinks this whole situation is the reason Adam Levine will never speak to her and not, oh I dunno, the three pre-selected engagement rings she carries in her purse after swabbing herself with vanilla extract. [Note: This is an actual quote.]:

“I carry McCormick’s Pure Vanilla [in my purse] — the baking kind — and dab it on my neck,” she tells Us Weekly. “Men are attracted to the scent! One time, I put it on and four different guys were like, ‘You smell amazing!’”

Why do I get the feeling Jennifer Love Hewitt left out the part she was at McDonald’s (by herself) and all four of these dudes were morbidly obese. “Men are just so attracted to my scent! Sometimes they even throw sprinkles at me then chase me around on their scooters while waving a spoon. You should really try it, girls!”

Photos: GSI Media

superficial

  1. LMAO

    If someone is in the know, please enlighten me as to why this girl can’t keep a man. I have to know. I know personalities can go a long way, but she can’t be that bad, can she?

    • KimmyGabbler

      i met her ex Jamie Kennedy through my job. he said she is SUPER insecure and that when they would go out, she’d ask him if he liked the tits or ass on almost every woman that was near them. He said her lack of confidence and obsession with comparing herself to other women was what drove him away.

    • J

      Who knows why, She may be clingy or too needy…but lets all admit the bat s**t crazy ones are the best in bed. So I would so if ever given a chance. :-)

    • Marie

      I read a blind and there was speculation it was about her. It said an actress had been raped and it caused problems in her relationships and she can never keep her man. It was unanimous over on blind gossip that it was about her, which makes me feel really sad if it’s true.

  2. Bonky

    I love her curves. Damn, I would love to see her in panties and bra while she grinds to some music.

  3. I keep ranch dressing in my purse, but it doesn’t seem to do much to attract men.

  4. PopeyesChicken

    I wouldn’t reject that. I need a sugar momma!

  5. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    Correction: Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Tits Leave Her House In A Tight Blue Dress

  6. I’ve said it before and will surely say it again, but I would pound this woman silly. That dress is making it awkward for me to stand up as we speak.

  7. WWTDD is better

    Fishes gon’ hate.

    Never fucked any*thing even remotely as hot as JLHugetits.

  8. Richard McBeef

    “Women that have faced rejection many times often latch on to and chase after gay men. Then, when faced with rejection again, they can rationalize it as, ‘We’ll, he’s gay’ rather than ‘Hey, there is something wrong with me.’”

    ~excerpt taken from “Fag Hagging: Explained” by Richard McBeef, PsyD.

  9. I go cuckoo for Vanilla Vagazzle!

  10. Yoyoma

    Bobby is my homeboy! :D JLH you’re supposed to hide the crazy for at least a year. Or in your case, until after the fool has been married to you for a decade or so.

    • Guess Who's Drunk?

      She can’t even hide the crazy in a staged interview.

      “Show me a good looking woman over the age of 35 who ain’t never been married, and I’ll show you a woman who’s nuttier than squirrel shit.” –Uncle Ruckus

  11. little turtle heaD

    That just shows can’t judge a book by its cover. Many of guys including myself would love to have a girl pretty as her with that body but if the mind ain’t there its just a waste…

  12. Bianca

    I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but I’ve used vanilla extract as perfume too lol (I also sometimes use real coconut butter). It really does work and I got as many compliments as when I wore expensive stuff.

  13. dooood

    there are literally millions of not famous people that would give her a shot (of semen to the chest).
    why do all the suiters always have to be other famous, vacant duchebags?
    we all have problems. let me try to cheer you up shortie :)

  14. Livinus Nwambe

    Goddamn. Ass, hips, thighs and tits, and (bonus) great hair.

    Fine, she’s insecure… I can fuck that right outta her, no problem :P

  15. Vajazzy Jeff

    I’ll dab a little vanilla on her neck for her, no problem.

  16. skunk

    i wanna jizz on them titties

  17. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    stacy
    Commented on this photo:

    She does have a very nice figure. She just has some emotional issues where it comes to relationships.

  18. HackSaw

    I carry a stick of butter in my pocket. We should hook up.

  19. Frank Burns

    Nice dress. Is she trolling high school proms for fiances now?

  20. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d sneak into her backdoor.

  21. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    LegMan
    Commented on this photo:

    I woud rip that ass apart!

  22. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    Gutttboy
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m there!

  23. bonerjamz

    She’s got tig ole bitties but her grill is jacked up. She looks like Alf

  24. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    Grand Poobah
    Commented on this photo:

    she is totally unstable, it only gets worth with old age or c$*k

  25. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    Grand Poobah
    Commented on this photo:

    looking a bit KK in this picture

  26. Jessic

    Wow, She Looks Amazing. She still has it and was amazing in GEEKSDATINGSITE!

  27. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    Greg
    Commented on this photo:

    smoking hot…

  28. OK, I’ll take one for the team. I volunteer to date JLH and evaluate her marriage potential. I think the major reason to get married is to provide a stable home life for children. So I promise to pay special attention to make sure her equipment is excellent working order.

  29. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh, wait. We have to go back inside. I think I only took two of my rings.”

  30. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    “Give me a minute. I can only walk five inches at a time in this dress.”

  31. lizzza

    there was also the part where she was at dancing with the stars last night stalking maksim chmerkovskiy… im a girl and she creeps me out!

  32. Hawk

    She tries way too hard. She thinks this is adorable, but it’s not.

  33. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    Larry
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s some ass, what a playground…I might get lost.

  34. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    I Need to eat it says
    Commented on this photo:

    I would let her sit on my face for hours.

  35. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    JimBob
    Commented on this photo:

    I would eat that crazy bitches Ass Out all Day.

  36. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    A mom
    Commented on this photo:

    One size bigger Jennifer, it would look so much better.

  37. And by “you smell amazing”, the men really meant, “You have huge tits”.

    FUCK the vanilla extract. Extract those titties from that shirt.

  38. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    Lee Garen
    Commented on this photo:

    Jennifer Love Hewitt is so hot she sizzles! What a fabulous figure she has….she is yummy!

  39. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    Lee Garen
    Commented on this photo:

    What a nice ass! She and J Lo … would love for either of them to sit naked on my lap! If not, at least give us naked looks at your gorgeous asses!

  40. hanna

    Whoever wrote this is dumb. You clearly have no life all of you insulting her. You dont know her. So shut the f up, get a life live yours and stop acting like you know something.

  41. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    i would ride that like a Kmart pony

  42. Jennifer Love Hewitt Cleavage Tight Blue Dress
    nonyah
    Commented on this photo:

    seriously. you guys are pervs.

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