Jennifer Lopez Had No Idea She Sang ‘Happy Birthday’ To An Evil Dictator

July 1st, 2013 // 34 Comments
Jennifer Lopez Turkmenistan
WATCH: Jennifer Lopez Performs In Turkmenistan
Bloody Hell
Jennifer Lopez Crotch Britains Got Talent
Get Your Crotch Out of England's Eye, JLo Read More »

Jennifer Lopez is in some shit after singing “Happy Birthday” at a private performance to Turkmenistan dictator Gurbledonguly Birdmanrishnakhov (Nailed it.) who happens to be second only to North Korea in running an oppressive government regime that tortures and imprisons political dissenters and journalists. A fact JLo claims she had no idea about when she appeased the Chinese oil conglomerate that paid her to be there – This just keeps getting better. – and totally wouldn’t have if she knew you guys would find out. CBS News reports:

The singer and actress performed in the former Soviet bloc country on Saturday night. A statement released Sunday by her publicist to The Associated Press said the event was hosted by the China National Petroleum Corp. and wasn’t a political event.

Lopez’s publicist says the event was vetted by Lopez’s staff: “Had there been knowledge of human rights issues any kind, Jennifer would not have attended.”
The birthday serenade was a last-minute request made by the corporation to Lopez before she took the stage, and she “graciously obliged,” the statement said.

In Jennifer Lopez’s defense, have you seen her perform lately? Because I wouldn’t rule out a CIA coup here. We should let this play out:

Jennifer Lopez Billboard Music Awards

“THE MIGHTY PHOENIX DEMANDS A FREE PRESS. CAW!” *flies over to shrimp bar*

Photo: Getty


  1. Happy Birthday to you,
    Happy Birthday to you,
    Happy Birthday dear President for Life although there has never been a real election since the break-up of the Soviet Union Gurbledonguly Birdmanrishnakhov,
    Happy Birthday to you.

  2. Get serious

    I’m calling bullshit on this story. Of course she knew who this guy was; the money was the only thing this bitch was thinking about. JWhore is so money hungry & gold diggery, she’d sell a video of herself taking a dump if the whore thought she could make money off of it…

  3. BlinkyTheFish

    I’m pretty certain anyone paying you big money directly or on behalf of someone from most ‘..stan’ countries to fly out and do something like sing ‘Happy Birthday’ is probably shady in a Bond-villian or mass murderer style way.

    • The Illuminati Did It

      Your comment actually got me to fantasize about Lopez finishing her song, then nervously crossing the bridge over the shark filled water, only to hear a villanous snicker as the floor to the bridge collapses. God, I love happy endings.

  4. bbiowa

    That sounds like a man who needs some Kardashian in his life. Can we send them? All of them?

  5. Fish, to avoid confusion with the other Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow’s, you should always use his middle name, Mälikgulyýewiç.

  6. anonymous

    LOL…reminds me of the The Dictator movie. I wonder if Lopez allowed the “President” got to “aladeen” on her tits for the Rolex.

  7. Veronika Larsson

    So to show her contrition, Ms. Lopez will be returning the check, or at least donating it to a human rights organization?

    What’s that? No? Oh, ok, in that case I call BULLSHIT.

  8. I believe she was paid 50,000 for every letter in ” Gurbledonguly Birdmanrishnakhov !”
    An obscene shitload of $ can changes one’s morals quite easily these days, KK(Mooooo!).

  9. “Lopez’s publicist says the event was vetted by Lopez’s staff…”.

    So folks on her staff never heard of Google and never thought; “Here’s a country that sits directly north of Iran and Afghanistan, I wonder if there might be any problems here.”

  10. Since when did pop stars become politicians, blaming things on their “staff”?

    Did Lopez fire any of her staff who mishandled this? No? Thought not.

  11. grandma

    Why doesn’t she donate what she made to an appropriate charity — if she really wouldn’t have been there had she known, then she should be happy to make up for it by giving the 2 million to a human rights group.

  12. SIN

    Ignoring human rights issues for boat loads of cash. Sound like something either Beyonce or Nikki Minaj would do.

  13. anonym

    This bitch goes wherever the money is.

    And I don’t know why anyone would pay to hear her nasally nasty voice.

  14. logan

    Spend your blood money well you ho bag.
    If everyone is done roasting Paula Dean, how about turning the heat up on this low life>?

  15. Not that hole

    Greedy cunt.

  16. pavement_smear

    Give poor Jenny a break. Given the fellow’s name, she probably thought she was performing for a wealthy basketball player with a cold. How can she possibly keep up on world events? Think of how much time and effort she has to put in to keep her flawless body in top condition for those jaw dropping hip thrusts, not to mention maintaining that perfectly formed, age-defying posterior. Jennifer, ignore the jealous critcism and keep bringing the beauty, glamour and entertainment!
    (Where’s Randal when you most need him?).

  17. She should follow Beyonce’s lead and stick to performing for the Lord of Drone Strikes and Google Sniffing to avoid any sort of human rights issues.

  18. BSName

    It looks like “Jenny from the Block” has failed in her promise to always “keep it real” and be in touch with the poor people. She would never do something “just for the money”

  19. dwagyak

    The title of this post could have stopped after the first five words.

  20. Caroline

    Piece of shit.

  21. JLo is so shameless. She’ll do anything for money.

  22. right

    This lying bitch just bought a $10M Summer Home in the Hamptons. Paid for by this brutal dictator. I don’t believe her bullshit explanation. All she had to do was google his name. That’s too much effort when big money is on the line.

  23. anonym

    lucky bitch who rode the coattails of Selena.

    • Shaka-shaka-taka wut fool

      Hello everyone. Let me start by saying this his how it works when a language/cultural barrier comes into play. JLO has only one to worry about and that includes Shakira,Enrique and Farruko. And that is to be Latino version of whatever the TOP SELLING AMERICAN IS AT THAT TIME. From Tupac, Janet Jackson,Britney,Jay-Z,Beyonce,Usher,Lady Gaga and that list goes on and on.

Leave A Comment