Jennifer Lopez Will Squash That Pesky Webslinger Once and For All

May 16th, 2011 // 57 Comments

“In every photo like this, there is ALWAYS a black dude in the background, saying it all with his eyes.” – McFeely Smackup

Here’s Jennifer Lopez performing at the KIIS FM’s Wango Tango 2011 and giving Spider-Man one very confused erection. “Do I make love to her or cover her with web-goo before she robs a bank? Think, Spidey, think…” Also, during the show, the audio went completely out while she and her dance crew continued to jump around onstage because you don’t actually think she sings at these things do you? Ahaha! You. Anyway, here’s her reaction despite not a single one of her fans noticing because they bought JLo tickets, so how bright can they be?

“This is what show business is all about, baby. Who’s getting fired tonight? Somebody’s getting fired tonight!”

And by fired she of course meant shanked in the jugular which is exactly what happened.

JLO: *tosses shiv on the floor*
MARC ANTHONY: Baby, can’t we let this one live? He has a family…
JLO: You do what I pay you to do, Skeleton Man.
MARC ANTHONY: Si, mamacita, si.
JLO: Now say my ass is beautiful.
MARC ANTHONY: Like the day we met, mamacita.
JLO: Good. *walks out*
MARC ANTHONY: He-Man no treat me like this. He-man, he a tender man. But, no, “leave Eternia and come with me,” she say. “I love you good,” she say. *spits* Marc Anthony used to be somebody, puta. I rode a panther!

Photo: Getty, Splash News

superficial

  1. I’ve got a web to sling on her.

  2. horny pig

    I would love to wipe that juicy ass with my tounge …

  3. The Critical Crassness

    In other news: “Jennifer Lopez has fallen to fourth place in the latest standings of the “Big Ol’ Booty League” behind Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Beyonce. J-Lo blames her recent decline in the standings on ” that skeleton I’m married to”.

  4. Jennifer Lopez Web Outfit
    Photoshop Police
    Commented on this photo:

    Awesome how her wireless mic pack is also covered in the same stuff.

    I’m talking about the costume fabric, you pervs!

  5. These is a lesson to be learned. Wear a clear body suit and everyone will see your stretch marks…

  6. ButtPimple

    Brotha-man in the background is like “DAYMN”!

  7. Uncle Jemima

    Jumping over the border fense leaves some barbwire scars huh?

  8. Cock Dr

    Charo?

  9. Jennifer Lopez Web Outfit
    BookEmDano
    Commented on this photo:

    Scientists have changed the standard metric definition of a circle from “A round plane figure whose boundary (the circumference) consists of points equidistant from a fixed center” to “See J-Lo’s ass”

  10. JC

    The audio went out, and yet, nothing was lost.

  11. Ze German

    Anyone ever hear the story about how Ben Affleck was on set and forget he was mic’d, then went to his room where she was waiting and wanted to do anal, and Ben was heard saying “are you sure, because I don’t want you to shit on me like last time”

    Good times.

  12. wishbone

    just another fat ass

  13. Clarence Beeks

    She has a great body, but she wears such horrendous things……

  14. Deacon Jones

    Wow, Deacie likie

  15. I can make a guess at who’s getting fired tonight…every person who said “no Jen, you look GREAT in that skin tight, spider web, fashion abortion”

  16. Jennifer Lopez Web Outfit
    sexyman48
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks better than Andrew Garfield’s suit.

  17. Mike Nike

    I find her fucking disgusting on every level. Body, Singing, Talking, Acting, pretty much everything.

  18. Jennifer Lopez Web Outfit
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s just too old & too thick for that kind of costume.

    • Get over it

      If you were “Dr Cock” then I would argue your statement. I dont like her myself but would stick it to her.

  19. Senor Trout

    You get the feeling that every time Marc Anthony starts to mount her doggy style he looks up into the mirror hanging over the bed and just starts to sob uncontrollably.

  20. Her backup dancer is looking at her ass, is if he were a cartoon character on a desert island, looking at his buddy, who looks like a roast turkey.

  21. fumus

    Ever wonder what bacon fat looks like when vacuum sealed in a tin foil bag?

  22. alexandra

    this was a funny post. thanks! i’ve just arrived home from class after finishing my quantum theory final.

    …needed some easy, comedic relief…

  23. me

    she had to turn on the mic to lip sync and holler???

  24. I never thought staring at Jennifer’s ass would remind me of staring at a prison inmate’s elbow tattoo.

  25. Brooke

    The audio levels on her mic and on the vocal track are totally off… and you know she wasn’t kidding when she said someone was getting fired.

  26. Greg Suarez

    “Do I make love to her or cover her with web-goo?”

    I always thought the one thing followed the other?

  27. fail

    Hey McFeely, you have not fulfilled your quota for comments per thread. Why in the hell do you think we threw you a bone in the above post, anyway?? At least click on all the ads or something.

  28. KNOBGOBBLER3

    Sugar Ray Leonard’s having the night of his life!

  29. Jennifer Lopez Web Outfit
    Codot
    Commented on this photo:

    I think the man in the background found her penis.

  30. Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, Does whatever a Spider-Pig does.

  31. Jill_Ess

    And that particular black dude would be our former Detroit Mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick.

  32. Jamie Lynn's Uterus

    Why aren’t all the news outlets saying she was caught lip syncing? I hate this untalented disgusting nasty cunt. She’s rotten old twat.

  33. Come_Honor_Face

    I think if you saw the fat and cellulite hiding under that outfit, the amount of jizz some of you are releasing on your keyboards, monitors, etc. would be greatly reduced

  34. tlmck

    I’m sorry, but lard is such a turnoff for me.

  35. Jennifer Lopez Web Outfit
    ChonchArcola
    Commented on this photo:

    i would tear that ass up!
    there is no way in hell skeletor is able to handle all that booty in the pants.

  36. There are few moments in your life where you wish to God that you were the Puerto Rican Cryptkeeper, but this is one of them.

  37. jaime

    the guy kneeling in the back is like
    “My God, that thing is ready to blow! Run, everybody, NOW!”

  38. Jennifer Lopez Web Outfit
    ali
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like a python choking on $500 worth of Spanx.

  39. Jennifer Lopez Web Outfit
    ali
    Commented on this photo:

    “Wait, did you say there was bacon on that burger?”

  40. Jennifer Lopez Web Outfit
    wishbone
    Commented on this photo:

    nice back fat there J-doh! who the hell told you this looked good???? baahaaaa…

  41. Jennifer Lopez Web Outfit
    bday55
    Commented on this photo:

    If only Jerry Garcia would have dressed like this, think how awesome theDead would have been….

  42. Jennifer Lopez Web Outfit
    billy
    Commented on this photo:

    skinny legs and a man upper body, hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa old mexican.

  43. Jennifer Lopez Web Outfit
    photography
    Commented on this photo:

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  44. Jennifer Lopez Web Outfit
    make kefir
    Commented on this photo:

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  45. Jennifer Lopez Web Outfit
    weimar altamar a
    Commented on this photo:

    agggsssss

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