I Guess We’re Looking At Jennifer Lopez On A Date Now

Hey guys, you having a good Friday? Planning on knocking off early to get shitfaced for St. Patty’s? Cool, cool. Me? Oh, I’m just over here putting pictures of hot new couple Jenniflex Rodrigopez on the internet. I don’t really know why this is such big news today. She’s a notorious diva, and he’s one of the most reviled figures in all of professional sports, so it seems like a logical match. It would be like Anne Hathaway hooking up with Tom Brady only that would be way funnier because it would make Ben Affleck lose his complete shit.

“Ah shit, Tommy, you banged Catwoman?”
“Sure did. Why, what’s up?”
“She’s my girlfriend in the movies, bro!”
“Whoa, you’re Batman? Awesome! So… you’re still here. Did you want an autograph or something?”
*puts on Evanescence, drives straight to bar*

Nope, I don’t do the Boston accent, that’s Fish’s thing. But you get the point, and it’s Ben Affleck is a suicidal alcoholic who we make fun of because we’re awful people. That’s really my main thesis here.