Jennifer Lopez Is Playing Carmen Sandiego Now

Because this won’t set Latinos back.. twenties of years, Jennifer Lopez is going to play Carmen Sandiego in a film adaptation of the classic video game that most of my generation’s teachers substituted for actual teaching somewhere around 1991. Anyone want to know where Spain is? Because I will show you the fuck out of that shit. Deadline reports:

Walden Media has acquired rights to turn Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? into a live-action film involving Jennifer Lopez. I’d heard that Walden Media will develop the property as a vehicle for Lopez to play the title character, but Walden Media said at this point, she’s attached to produce only.

Keep in mind, a version starring Sandra Bullock during the height of her post-Speed career couldn’t get off the ground, but then again, Hollywood is practically optioning movie rights to Lucky Charms marshmallows at this point – Coming Next Summer: Sam Worthington in ORANGE STARS. – so there’s no reason why a middle-aged divorcee with a horrible attitude and cellulite can’t lock this thing down. Frankly I’m amazed they’re not just using George Lopez in drag. Seems like that’s where everything’s headed.

STUDIO: So, Steve, listen. About Daniel Day-Lewis as Abraham Lincoln…
SPIELBERG: Too expensive, I know. What about George Lopez in drag?
STUDIO: *punches calculator* Alright, but he has to bring his own dress.

(I’ll go shoot myself for knowing his catchphrase now. Be right back.)

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News