Jennifer Lopez Is Playing Carmen Sandiego Now

November 4th, 2011 // 26 Comments

Because this won’t set Latinos back.. twenties of years, Jennifer Lopez is going to play Carmen Sandiego in a film adaptation of the classic video game that most of my generation’s teachers substituted for actual teaching somewhere around 1991. Anyone want to know where Spain is? Because I will show you the fuck out of that shit. Deadline reports:

Walden Media has acquired rights to turn Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? into a live-action film involving Jennifer Lopez. I’d heard that Walden Media will develop the property as a vehicle for Lopez to play the title character, but Walden Media said at this point, she’s attached to produce only.

Keep in mind, a version starring Sandra Bullock during the height of her post-Speed career couldn’t get off the ground, but then again, Hollywood is practically optioning movie rights to Lucky Charms marshmallows at this point – Coming Next Summer: Sam Worthington in ORANGE STARS. – so there’s no reason why a middle-aged divorcee with a horrible attitude and cellulite can’t lock this thing down. Frankly I’m amazed they’re not just using George Lopez in drag. Seems like that’s where everything’s headed.

STUDIO: So, Steve, listen. About Daniel Day-Lewis as Abraham Lincoln…
SPIELBERG: Too expensive, I know. What about George Lopez in drag?
STUDIO: *punches calculator* Alright, but he has to bring his own dress.
GEORGE LOPEZ: I GOT THIS!

(I’ll go shoot myself for knowing his catchphrase now. Be right back.)

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News

superficial

  1. Dan

    Meh. Don’t care.

  2. Sensei John Kreese

    Will they get that singing group to sing the theme song from the gameshow.

    Yes I watched too much tv growing up also.

  3. Josh

    Ah, J. Ho… got to love her. After all these years, she’s still singing, dancing, and acting while not having the talent to do any of the above.

    • only kourt bb

      THANK YOU!! She is talentless!! She is not a good actress and she most def cannot sing. And her songs are ridic (“on the floor”–>a fitting title considering she says it 20+ times in the song). And wow, way to ruin the show. Talentless J.Lo ruins Carmen Sandiego.

  4. Whether or not I watch this depends entirely on Rockapella’s involvement in the storyline.

  5. it had to be said

    Carmen Sandiego . . . blah blah blah, wait, is that her bra? Good post, Fish!

  6. Monkey

    Lopez has finally arrived in Hollywood with the role.

    Psssst: Oscar!

  7. FreshFacedRecuit

    Childhood continually violated by Hollywood rapers.

  8. Frank Burns

    “Where in the World is Middle-Aged Carmen Sandiego?”
    - on her StairMaster watching Food Network
    - panicking about her dwindling 401k (okay, that’s all of us)
    - thinking about how much she misses her spiritual sisters from “Sex in the City”
    - after lunching on salad, asking the waitress for the desert menu “just to see what they have”
    - using pseudonym to post online ugly rumors about the 20-something her ex is dating

    Actually, I always thought Carmen Sandiego was in, you know, San Diego.

  9. Concerned Adult

    Should be Cuntacular !
    Is it was KIM, it would be Kuntacular ! JLo is not good at much of anything . Why would anyone except low – IQ folks expect her to be good in anything but a very non – thinking role , oh wait Carment Santiago is for ADHD folks and politicians/ Hollywood producers

  10. Racer X

    Why does she always wear those grandma shorts? Ass or GTFO!

  11. Soon to be followed by Paul Walker in the spy-thriller, “Where is Waldo?”.

  12. Crabby Old Guy

    Odd…I had thought she’d opt for being “Dora the Explorer”.

  13. Frank Burns

    Congrats on getting your certificate in “ESL for Douchebag Spammers”.

  14. anonym

    has hollywood forgotten that every one of her movies has flopped?

    why do they still even give her an acting job ……

    she looks good playing a hotel maid, but not much else, and her voice is obnoxiously nasally.

  15. Ha Ha

    Hilariously, sales of the Fiat 500 started to decline almost immediately after Jho’s narcissistic Fiat commercials began airing…

  16. Jamie Lynn's Uterus

    She is too long in the tooth and untalented to play this part. She’s a low class used up old hooker that got a break. She cannot sing, dance or act. She’s just common gutter trash. Her best role was when Billy Campbell kicked the shit out of her – I kept yelling ‘hit her again and again!’

  17. forrest gump

    believe it or not: SHE BOILED SOUP OUT OF HER KITTY!!

  18. Jon H

    Shoulda been Morena Baccarin, the Rio-born actress who played the short-haired lady villain from V.

    Or maybe Sofia Vergara.

    Lopez seems too short and squat for the role.

  19. Jon

    The Rockapellas. Those guys were slick

  20. Jennifer Lopez Legs Short Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    Jen, you’re in great shape and love the legs, but pleats are NOT your friend, m’dear.

    10 out of 10 for the vehicle-exiting technique, however, Even in a skirt you wouldn’t have flashed anything. You should offer classes to the rest of the bimbos!

  21. Jennifer Lopez Legs Short Shorts
    Frankie
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice thighs!

  22. Jennifer Lopez Legs Short Shorts
    george
    Commented on this photo:

    she is a terrorist ready to happen sorry please stop the madness

  23. Jennifer Lopez Legs Short Shorts
    george
    Commented on this photo:

    look at the old lady grey hairs ha!

  24. Jennifer Lopez Legs Short Shorts
    gg0010
    Commented on this photo:

    did people forget about her drug bust in the past hmm sorry but didn’t her song say once before ..

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