Please Stop Thrusting At Britain, Jennifer Lopez

May 29th, 2013 // 43 Comments
Jennifer Lopez Crotch Britains Got Talent
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I’ve always assumed England was our better when it came to the female body considering their newspapers have boobies in them while ours are 90% about bake sales lest the elderly stroke out and there goes their entire subscription base. Anyway, Jennifer Lopez performed on Britain’s Got Talent last night where, judging by these tweets, her crotch started attacking people on the street with an ax. — What? Via The Daily Mail:

One viewer wrote on Twitter: ‘#BGT does #jenniferlopez realise its a family show – only thing missing was the pole – cover up your cheeks please!’
Another added: ‘Think I have seen a little too much of Jennifer Lopez – meant to be a family show? #inappropriate #bgt.’
A further BGT fan waded into the conversation: ‘Jennifer Lopez in rubber underwear and thigh high boots? Yeah that’s great “family” viewing on #BGT.’
Meanwhile, other shocked parents criticised her risque dance moves and the fact that young girls would be watching the ITV1 show, particularly as this week marks the half-term school holiday across much of the UK.
One angry viewer said: ‘#JenniferLopez put some clothes on, #BGT is a family show, what sort of role model are you being for the young girls watching?’
Another fumed: ‘Could Jennifer Lopez’s outfit be any more inappropriate for a family show??? #bgt #jlo #thrusting?!’
While one raged: ‘Watching Jennifer Lopez was almost porn!’

Of course, what’s really happening here is Britain’s clear disdain for Latinos. I mean, why else did they pretend to let us win the Revolutionary War? “Oh, good heavens, it seems your small band of rebels has defeated an entire empire’s army. I suppose this land that’s easily reached by foot, raft, or perhaps even – *snicker, titter* – donkey is yours for the taking. We best be off then. Tally ho!”


  1. ThisWillHurt

    When did Jennifer Lopez join the Night’s Watch on the Wall?

  2. BlinkyTheFish

    Come on guys, surely story of the day is that James Lipton used to be an honest to god Paris Pimp.

  3. I guess I was blinded by the music. I mean how much it sucks.

  4. That’s right you limey Britts! You can’t handle the raw sexuality of our American Latino Camel Toe!

    1, 2, 3, THRUST 2, 3…in your queens FACE, 2, 3

  5. Jc

    So a lip singer is allowed on a show with the word “talent” in the title but everyone is offended she’s wearing a one piece bathing suit with Big-Bird-from-another-mother’s arms.

  6. anonymous

    LOL…how many times have the British criticized American censorship for being too strict?

    JLO wears her black Elmo outfit and suddenly it’s too obscene. Brit’s are used to boobs but that was probably too much ass.

  7. Herr Gruppe Sechs

    This is also coming from an island that has topless girls in the newspapers? *cough*doublestandard*cough*

  8. Bane

    Don’t the Brits post photos of topless women on Page 3 of The Sun newspaper?

  9. Robb7

    Vulgar — no way. Desperate and pathetic — yes, please!

  10. crb

    Eye Herpes

  11. OK that’s got to be the worst “music” i have ever subjected my poor ears to.
    I think most of the people are upset that they are expected to believe that wiping your snatch is a dance move.

  12. Freebie

    She needs to prove to everyone she’s still got it because she’s at the age where its going to go soon.

  13. Mr Smap Beav Sr

    “My name is hennifer ylopez and I like tacos and burritos”…..” and here is some taco por jou”

  14. cc

    I heard once she did that and some of her ego squirted out.

  15. Deva

    They didn’t call her “Hey ho” for nothing. Degenerate hispanic.

  16. Lola

    I think it’s both sad and hilarious that she really thinks she’s killin it out there and she just looks ridiculous. Clearly dignity is a foreign concept to her.

    And the dudes behind her look like a bunch of fucking monkeys in white jackets. Who watches this shit and who are her “fans”!?

    • inkydink

      It amazes me that people PAY to see her lipsync and gyrate around like a monkey in heat. she has NO talent.

  17. I have two questions. Shouldn’t you have to be British to be on “Britain’s Got Talent”? And what, exactly, was the talent on display there—the stage lighting? It wasn’t singing or choreography.

    • Lis

      Lol wut? do you think only american stars perform on america’s got talent. she isn’t a contestant. guest singer. that said, she looks terrible and desperate. she doesn’t need to dress grandma but there can be balance and age app.

  18. Frank Burns

    “Now you know my horror.” said Casper Smart after the performance. “Imagine, just when you are getting to sleep in your very fav Pokemon footy pajamas, a yeasty Chupacabra comes sliding across the bed at your face. I’m so ready to get out of her house, but the adoption papers she showed me says I have to wait three more years.”

  19. I expect my GoGo girls to at least sniff their fingers after they run their hands up their cooch.

  20. What better way for those limey bastards to show how culturally bereft we Americans are than to put Jennifer Lopez on Britain’s Got Talent.

  21. BSName

    Is Jennifer Lopez’s performance on Britain’s Got Talent supposed to show that America does not ?

  22. anonym

    I didn’t read the whole thing, and for a minute, I thought BGT stood for Bisexual Gay Transgender.

    I was thinking, why the fuck would BGT’s be offended by JLO’s crotch?

  23. Fred Garvin

    Cause I pooted!

  24. Ginger Rogers

    Wow! Someone has waxed the hell out of it.

  25. Looks to me like she’s waiting for some kid to put a coin in the little gumball machine that distributes oat pellets to feed the animals at the petting zoo.

  26. So suddenly the British have become an entire country of prudes? Well fuck the whole lot of ‘em and have them send all of those beautiful Page 3 girls across the pond to those of us who appreciate their sexuality. And while you’re at it, bring me a roast beef sandwich with tomatoes, cheese and pepperoncini’s, a large diet coke, and Alice Goodwin wearing only a T-shirt.

  27. Caroline

    An absolute pig.

  28. Interred Ferguson


    Great googlymoogly…when I first saw the thumbnail for this pic, I was certain someone had photoshop-morphed her lower half huge. Even seeing how far back she’s leaning, it still looks pretty freakish. I’ll bet a peek under that “V” of black fabric would reveal something akin to the cover of the Evil Dead stylized Necronomicon

  29. Darian

    It sounds similar to the Spice Girls British toones
    + crappy recording.

  30. whistles down dark alleys

    She needs those heavy control stockings as she has lots of cellulite . Nothing you want to see naked .she probably blindfolds her boy toy and turns out the lights when she forces him to give it to her . Way over- rated in all categories , including as a professional singer .
    Retire now. Your talent boat has sailed .

  31. Jussayin

    Jennifer Lopez ft. (6) Pitbull(s)

  32. The Daily Mail being prudish and reactionary? Why I’d never!

    As an aside, Lopez never could sing but she used to be able to dance. The fuck happened to her?

  33. Pete


  34. Tom

    Pure PR Trash?????

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