Jennifer Lopez & Alex Rodriguez Will J-Rod The A-Lo Now

Yesterday, we learned that Ben Affleck is not back together with Jennifer Lopez but probably getting roundhoused into line by Jennifer Garner. And now today we get to find out that Jennifer Lopez has been actually banging Alex Rodriguez this whole time. It’s almost like we’re just making this shit up. (We are. All the time.) PEOPLE reports:

The “On the Floor” singer, 47, is dating former MLB star Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez, a source confirms to PEOPLE. “They have been dating for a few weeks,” the source said.
“She seems excited,” a source close to Lopez told PEOPLE. “He has been around her family and she really likes that he is a dad. She is aware, though, that he is a ladies’ man too and is being cautious. For now, it’s just fun. She is single and enjoys dating.”

I know jackshit about sports, but even I know that Red Sox fans – specifically one named Ben Affleck – fucking hates the Yankees to the point where he’lll shut down production on a major motion picture just to argue with David Fincher over wearing a goddamn Yankees hat. Long story short, I think this is it, you guys. This is what’s going to kill Ben Affleck.

“Mommy, why’s daddy been in the garage so long?”
“What do you mean-” *sees PEOPLE article open on Ben’s iPad*
“Ohmygod Jesus, Ben!” *runs to garage, yanks open door*

♫ YOU CAN’T FEEL MY ANGER! YOU CAN’T FEEL MY PAIN! ♫

“I couldn’t do it, Chahleen. I just couldn’t do it… What if we hire anothah fackin’ hot nanny, and her tits are like supah huge? Why you fackin’ punchin’ me?!”

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