It’s been four long days since we last posted Jennifer Lawrence‘s side boob. Morale was low. Faced with mutiny, I ordered Photo Boy to put down a horse and ration it among the men. What this accomplished I had not the time nor inclination to ponder for there were only two of us, and we lived in separate locations near 24-hour grocers. Food was at all times readily available. The important matter was that we persevered until Ms. Lawrence’s side breasts appeared again, at which point, we would mount our offense with a quickness. General Washington was counting on us, and I concur, his plan seems most rapey. Never trust a cherry chopper.
- The Superficial Regiment, 18 November Two Thousand and Thirteen