Ha! Isn’t Jennifer Lawrence Wacky?

If the point of Chris Martin having sex with Jennifer Lawrence is to be with someone who’s the complete opposite of Gwyneth Paltrow, he hit the fucking jackpot. Gwyneth Paltrow wouldn’t walk around looking like a blonde walrus if you told her it sheds gluten toxins into an $18,000 Peruvian cleansing thimble. She’d think about it, but once she learned they’re not real pearl, you have seconds to dodge her hand-crafted Victorian Derringer/lentil dispenser.

UPDATE: Apparently Chris Martin is banging Kylie Minogue now, so Jennifer Lawrence is showing him what he’s missing, and it’s splinters on his penis? Is that a thing that happens during sex? I’m not sure if I like that.

Photos: AKM-GSI