So Jennifer Aniston Really Is Pregnant (Probably)

September 18th, 2013 // 11 Comments
We're 2 For 87,546, Baby
Gwen Stefani Third Pregnancy Confirmed
You Can't Beat Those Numbers Read More »

Back in July, Jennifer Aniston was looking a little plumper in the baby pouch and then showed up to the premiere of We Are The Millers looking like this which she played off as her just eating too much and then pranced around in a bikini looking not-as-sperminated leaving the trail as cold as her nips. Except now comes the cover of Us Weekly, who doesn’t fuck around with these things, saying she is pregnant and is waiting six months to tell anybody because she’s 44 and yeah… Which brings it all back to the science because we called it when she touched her stomach. It’s how they’re made!

GOD: Let’s see, bleeds for a week, overly emotional, 100% responsible for child-bearing, ages horribly, can’t pee standing up… I feel like I’m missing something. Ooh, instantly betrayed by maternal instinct! Perfect.
JESUS: Damn, dad, what did that thing do to you?
GOD: It asked me what I was thinking about.
JESUS: … Is there way it can earn less than men?
GOD: Nice.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily

superficial

  1. Jennifer Aniston Pregnant Life Of Crime Premiere TIFF
    Commented on this photo:

    Ice cold milk.
    Help yourself, Aniston baby!

  2. Jennifer Aniston Pregnant Life Of Crime Premiere TIFF
    Eejut
    Commented on this photo:

    Get Jenny McCarthy on the phone, because this kid is gonna be fucked up from the get-go.

  3. Jennifer Aniston Pregnant Life Of Crime Premiere TIFF
    oh i know
    Commented on this photo:

    horrible dress either way!!!

  4. Hugh Jass

    I’m the father.

  5. Jennifer Aniston Pregnant Life Of Crime Premiere TIFF
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    What a coincidence! I’m pregnant with indifference about Jennifer Aniston.

  6. Something tells me Downs Syndrome babies are going to be all the fashion in 2014.

  7. Cock Dr

    Best of luck with that…..getting married & the baby.
    Yer gonna need it.

  8. Just this once

    Wine at lunch leads to poor dress choice and over confidence about need for Spanx

  9. That conversation between God and Jesus actually happened. I was there.

  10. Edvard Munch

    When you said ages horribly, did you mean women in general or Aniston? Because Aniston ages great compared to the rest of womanhood.

  11. EricLR

    When you’re rich enough, you can afford to buy even human eggs by the dozen.

Leave A Comment