So Jennifer Aniston Really Is Pregnant (Probably)
Back in July, Jennifer Aniston was looking a little plumper in the baby pouch and then showed up to the premiere of We Are The Millers looking like this which she played off as her just eating too much and then pranced around in a bikini looking not-as-sperminated leaving the trail as cold as her nips. Except now comes the cover of Us Weekly, who doesn’t fuck around with these things, saying she is pregnant and is waiting six months to tell anybody because she’s 44 and yeah… Which brings it all back to the science because we called it when she touched her stomach. It’s how they’re made!
GOD: Let’s see, bleeds for a week, overly emotional, 100% responsible for child-bearing, ages horribly, can’t pee standing up… I feel like I’m missing something. Ooh, instantly betrayed by maternal instinct! Perfect.
JESUS: Damn, dad, what did that thing do to you?
GOD: It asked me what I was thinking about.
JESUS: … Is there way it can earn less than men?