Jennifer Aniston & Justin Theroux Are Trying For A Baby
“So, listen, don’t be mad, just hear me out: When I stick my penis in you, it turns into an icicle. Just curious how that’s going to work out- and you’re mad. You’re mad, aren’t you? Fuck it, you want to be like this? We’re snatching children. I said it.”
Pretty much what I said in the headline but with more words via Us Weekly:
“They have talked at length about getting married and starting a family,” an insider close to the pair tells the new Us Weekly, out Wednesday. “She is anxious for the next phase of her life and feels like this is the time.”
And her hunky new guy (who split with girlfriend of 14 years Heidi Bivens in March) is completely on board with having a baby, a second insider says: “They both want it to happen soon.”
Normally I wouldn’t buy a story like this but a couple of things are at play here: 1. Jennifer Aniston is taking “a year off” from acting. 2. She could literally go into menopause at any second. I’m talking they might have to pull this kid out at five months before her womb tries to wither shut. And 3. Justin Theroux is a screenwriter so he can stay at home with the baby allowing Jennifer to finally emasculate a man for once in her life. She’ll get to come home from work and go, “What do you mean you didn’t cook dinner, Brad?” and then everyone will have a good laugh until they realize she’s fucking serious and just rolled up the phone book.