Jennifer Aniston & Justin Theroux Are Trying For A Baby

August 10th, 2011 // 42 Comments

“So, listen, don’t be mad, just hear me out: When I stick my penis in you, it turns into an icicle. Just curious how that’s going to work out- and you’re mad. You’re mad, aren’t you? Fuck it, you want to be like this? We’re snatching children. I said it.”

Pretty much what I said in the headline but with more words via Us Weekly:

“They have talked at length about getting married and starting a family,” an insider close to the pair tells the new Us Weekly, out Wednesday. “She is anxious for the next phase of her life and feels like this is the time.”
And her hunky new guy (who split with girlfriend of 14 years Heidi Bivens in March) is completely on board with having a baby, a second insider says: “They both want it to happen soon.”

Normally I wouldn’t buy a story like this but a couple of things are at play here: 1. Jennifer Aniston is taking “a year off” from acting. 2. She could literally go into menopause at any second. I’m talking they might have to pull this kid out at five months before her womb tries to wither shut. And 3. Justin Theroux is a screenwriter so he can stay at home with the baby allowing Jennifer to finally emasculate a man for once in her life. She’ll get to come home from work and go, “What do you mean you didn’t cook dinner, Brad?” and then everyone will have a good laugh until they realize she’s fucking serious and just rolled up the phone book.

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily

superficial

  1. Jennifer Aniston Justin Theroux Baby
    Snookie's Pickle
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought Justin had shaved off his beard.

  2. Vivian

    Trying to conceive while you’re anxious, good luck with that…

  3. im not gona laugh if the baby turns out to be a dongadoi, but i’ll.. respectfully grin into my sleeve

  4. Bouncy Castle, London, UK

    Jennifer Aniston & Justin Theroux Are Trying.

  5. JC

    Having a baby with a guy you just met because you’re biological doom clock is 3 seconds to midnight? There’s no way this will turn out badly.

  6. Bob

    The quotes don’t belong around “a year off”. They belong around “acting”.

  7. Cock Dr

    I hope she finds eternal happiness with her newly selected sperm donor.

  8. Jack Ketch

    Hilarious … I call bullshit on this one. Brad Pitt dumped her because she didn’t want kids and that’s how Angie snared him, by pushing Maddox out there in photo shoots to entice him. Done deal !! She just doesn’t strike me in the least as the mother type, at all.

  9. Richard McBeef

    She is buying the star wars 16 minifig pack so she can play LEGO Wampa’s icy lair with her vagina.

  10. cc

    Everything about Jen makes me think ‘post-partum depression’. Tell me you can’t see that in the cards.

  11. Jennifer Aniston Justin Theroux Baby
    Coyote
    Commented on this photo:

    He Looks like a Terrorist, why doesn’t TSA Strip / Cavity Search him more often

  12. Jennifer Aniston Justin Theroux Baby
    Seat Filler
    Commented on this photo:

    OMG I love Lego Minifigs
    I hope they got the Lizard Man one

  13. taz

    and 9 months later out pops………an ice cube

  14. Tony D'Annunzio

    Is he going Jeresy Shore with that hair ? Mama Mia !

  15. Carl Spackler

    There both wearing scarves and coats ? where are they , Nova Scotia ?

  16. V

    In all seriousness, it must suck for her how fixated people are with her marrying again and reproducing. When all the world is waiting to see if you finally remarried after your overrated-in-every-sense ex-husband or if you’re still fertile I’m guessing life must not be very fun. It ‘s just Brad Pitt, people. Gwyneth Paltrow had him during his best era. That was a LONG ASS time ago.

    People need to stop acting like Brad Pitt has some sort of miracle, holy grail dick that she was unfortunate to lose and cannot get over. Brad is not only aging super fast with a career that has run its course, but he looks like a completely spineless man next to Angelina. No character whatsoever. And he looks unhappy too.

    • ny*ny

      Agree 100%

    • rough-unfiltered

      I’m in no way defending Brad Pitt, as I’m on a whole different subject but, why do people call SOME stars “has been” when they are able to buy a country? Don’t people ever think about what they write?

    • Danno

      Brad’s past his prime. He’s 47 with 6 young kids so we can’t really expect him to be the babe of his youth. I miss his gorgeous YOUNG His beuty factor peaked with that river runs through it movie. Fight club may have given him an awesome second wind but it’s ’cause he juiced the hell up like a good boy and gave us something to drooool over. Justin on the other hand is priming at 40. I like his look. Very much.

    • are you serious ?

      Are you serious ? That Justin Theroux is forty, baldy, shorty and not as successful as his co star in American Psycho, Christan Bale. Pitt is still, mind you among the selcetive A class international stars club (Pitt, Cruise, Will Smith, Depp), still have crowds following him in all contienents, still has a a name that sells. He has had a more successful career that lasted 20 years at the top and he is still doing movies at the top and he is producing.

      While Aniston new beau is already bald at 40, looks already 5 years older without having any kid whatsoever. And as for his career, he is clearly a step down with his c list status. Aniston is the upgrade for him while he is the downgrade for her.

  17. NTT

    I think they look incredibly sexy together. I really do.

    But I am suspect about his motives. Is he using her for fame? Also, she is so hot and yet can’t keep a man for any length of time is also suspect.

    • Jack Ketch

      Er, hot ? The bod is in good shape but I could never get past that weird man-chin of hers … and her acting is … well, she really can’t act.

  18. kyle

    isnt she too old to have kids now? after 40 is kinda old?

    • Bee Bee

      Subjective. 40s is pushing it, but plenty of women have healthy babies at 40. She also has all the money and resources she needs so no problem there.

  19. Jennifer Aniston Justin Theroux Baby
    Audrey Jo
    Commented on this photo:

    Indeed I agree with V and Ketch:
    . Brad Pitt: no big deal. (plus: once a husband, just a man)
    . Angelina: no matter how many kids, she does not have a mother’s vibe, at all.

  20. Ellis Havercamp

    Frozen cunt is tough to impregnate

  21. blahblahblah

    crash and burn again, Jen.

  22. Jennifer Aniston Justin Theroux Baby
    KC
    Commented on this photo:

    Are they trying for a baby by getting a Happy Meal?

  23. skuddles

    Seriously?? Wanting to get knocked up by a guy who left his 14 year relationship like 2 seconds ago??? And at her age? IF she conceives she’ll be pushing 60 by the time little egghead is hitting college. She can tackle post-partum and menopause all in one fell swoop. But I can see it… she wants to nail down this dick any way she can – she ain’t prepared to have yet another man snatched away by a younger, more beautiful babe… not that a kid will keep him around of course, but at least it gives her all sorts of legitimate reasons to cling for eternity. For old Jen’s sake I hope dude doesn’t wake up one morning and realize what a hugeass pile of shit he’s about to step into – and bolts… right back into the arms of the 14 year babe.

  24. bealett

    That icy snatch = in vitro cryogenics. Um…thank you science?

  25. I don’t think he’ll be 100% sure it’s his unless it comes out with aviator sunglasses. Then again, that could mean it’s Brad Pitt’s.

  26. dontkillthemessenger

    “A year off from acting”? How much of her time is really consumed by making 2 or 3 shitfests a year?

    That kid has a 17% chance of being normal.

  27. Angus

    He’s trying as in nutting everywhere but inside Jennifer’s vagina and Jennifer’s trying as in stealing his sperm with a pump after she doses him with roofies.

  28. Always say cunt

    My recommendation is that she simply flood her cunt with spunk from every possible donor until she becomes pregnant.

    It isn’t as though she cares who the father is.

  29. Crunchers32

    Is she dating The Punisher?

  30. FBradPitfall

    You’re worried about POSTpartum depression? This is PREpartum psychosis! Enough with Rachael’s mug on ever gossip mag. She screwed up half a generation with bad hair and aims to do the same with bad genes. Stop this planet, I want to get off!

  31. dolly

    I think Jen is great. Do you guys personally know Jen? Good luck to her. She is head and tails above that anorexic, plastic surgeried, botoxed, knife collecting, former lesbian and heroin addict, child collecting, MAN STEALING, just plain scary…..beeatch Angelina. I wish happiness for Jen…she deserves it.

  32. Jennifer Aniston Justin Theroux Baby
    Shovit
    Commented on this photo:

    I rather eynojed Natalie Portman to a Ben Stiller decked out to be Joaquin Phoenix: “You look like you work at a Chasidic meth lab or something.”

  33. Jennifer Aniston Justin Theroux Baby
    Amel
    Commented on this photo:

    #3 and #4 funny. Jamie King used to go by James King because she had the same mldeoing agency as Jamie Presley but the agency didn’t want too similar looking girls with the same name

Leave A Comment