Jennifer Aniston Might Be Engaged

June 28th, 2011 // 74 Comments

On Sunday night, a blurry Jennifer Aniston was spotted with what looks like a ring on her engagement ring finger while arriving at the Waldorf. Monday night, she’s spotted still wearing it outside The Daily Show although it’s clearly not a diamond ring, but some sort of gold ring with writing which is more than enough to start the “Jennifer Aniston is engaged rumors,” so let’s speculate:

1. She stole Justin Theroux from his girlfriend of 14 years.
2. They immediately moved in together.
3. They’re already taking couple photos and letting Terry Richardson publish them.
4. She’s starting to get tattoos because Justin’s into them.
5. She’s 42 and going to die soon.

Weighing all that evidence, you can’t tell me it’s that far of a stretch to assume Jennifer Aniston let Justin propose to her with some sort of quirky ring because their love is so “special and unique,” i.e. he has no money, not that that’s an issue in this case. “Hmm, you’re not rich, and this looks like a pimp’s pinky ring, but you’re kind of handsome in that weird, rugged biker way that might make Brad jeal- YES!”

Photos: Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News


  1. not too much of a stretch either to assume it’s a shotgun wedding (read: trap)

  2. Jennifer Aniston Engagement Ring
    suck it
    Commented on this photo:

    needs a manicure

  3. bonnieux

    perhaps it’ll last this time?

  4. bonnieux

    oh,but more importantly…. can she move her damn hair out of her damn face!!!! she’s been keeping her hair like that since Friends…. Just move your hair..please

  5. BoozeRob

    Shes hot.

  6. Frank Burns

    Must be knocked up.

  7. the captain

    because she is choosing this *SSHOLE we know one thing for sure: WE’RE DEALING HERE WITH TWO AMERICAN A-LOSERS, folks!!

  8. Rancid

    The 26th time is the charm.

  9. DOucHe BaGELs

    Brad and Angelina should adopt Justin Theroux just to steal him away from her as well.

  10. Cock Dr

    Good luck with that.
    Hope those eggs are still viable. Old eggs = much greater risk of Down’s syndrome= Jackass baby
    Oh, and don’t get a tattoo with the guy’s name. It never works out.

  11. JC

    The fact that she’s walking around presenting her hand like she’s in an old Palmolive commercial lends credence to the engagement theory.

    Since the birth defect rate goes from 1 in 100 at age 40 to 1 in 30 at age 45, she may be getting antsy. HURRY, JEN, GET HIS SEMEN IN YOUR WELCOMING CERVIX NOW NOW NOW NOW!! BRAD WON’T BE JEALOUS OF A DOWN’S SYNDROME BABY!

  12. catapostrophe

    The way she’s holding her left hand out to allow the paparazzi to get better shots of the ring leads me to believe that she’s a closeted, ashamed lesbian who desperately wants everyone to think she’s in a serious heterosexual relationship so that she can maintain her lucrative business of making feeble romantic comedies for people who don’t know what they like and do what they’re told.

    • growin

      She WISHES she were a lesbian. See Sex and the City episode The Cheating Curve. She’s not.

    • Clarence Beeks

      maybe she just got her nails done? anyone ever think of that?

      • growin

        to Clarence Beeks, I’m sure she got just that one hand done, and the other one is wrapped in cloth for no particular reason

    • growin

      Just that the episode explored the trope of the power lesbian, on television and in real life. Lesbians don’t think the way she thinks (sweeping generalization here from a straight girl in the queer community). Think of them as adults, that don’t feel the need to (attempt) to retain neotenous qualities under the false assumption that this is unambiguously attractive.

      Do like Karl [Lagerfeld] says in his book, which I’m not ashamed to say I’ve read haha: “If you are over 35, don’t set yourself to be compared with young people: rather, try to find something in yourself that they will be able to use as an example when their time comes to be expelled from the “paradise” of youth”

      Tina Fey for example (read Bossypants). Michelle Obama. Rachel Maddow.
      Nassim Taleb: “Older people are most beautiful when they have what is lacking in the young: poise, erudition, wisdom, phronesis, and this post-heroic absence of agitation.”

      FYI, J Aniston is not old at all. She’s 42. That’s when most people start hitting their stride in various careers. But she’s still trying to be “hot” in the way that young actresses are expected to be hot (short dresses, multiple alleged love affairs, the tattoo). People are responding to the difference between her chronological age and the age of the behavior, not to her age in absolute terms. No one complains that Meryl Streep is old. She’s in her 60s, and when you’re in your 60s, you can only hope to be as accomplished and celebrated in your chosen field as she is in hers. See what I’m getting at?

      [I may have over-thought this] :P

      • Mike Walker

        What you should be pondering are the hordes of jealous gossip grundys (most in their 40s, methinks) who obsess about Jennifer Aniston’s behaviour and social life ad nauseum. She’s a single, good looking Hollywood actress… res ipsa loquitur.

      • growin

        Mike Walker I agree to a point. I don’t know that they are jealous, but maybe perplexed. A lot of the obsessing is PR scripted–I learned this in a photography class (weird, I know. The professor at risd was talking about different specialties within photography, and used her press coverage as an example of a) why press photographers are paid orders of magnitude better than some other fields and b) how “buzz” can be generated… photography is a very scalable profession, was his point, and the fact that technology has changed photography from something of a technical discipline where taking good pictures meant that you were skilled at timing/lighting/dark room processes, etc into something where anyone with a few hundred bucks can take technically skilled looking photos. And so the subject of the photo became more important than the technical qualities of the photo because technology esp in digital photography leveled the playing field.

        Anyway, they are perplexed because her career and her press coverage make them uncomfortably aware of the star-making machine that exists behind the celebrities we see.

        Art De Vany via the excerpt in Black Swan: The movie (or in J.Aniston’s case show) makes the actor–and a large dose of nonlinear luck makes the movie (show). The success of movies (shows) depends severely on contagions. But in people-businesses like Hollywood, that contagion can translate into power, and being a power broker can enable you to keep your name in the papers and on the marquee in lots of movies (I don’t really know how her movies have done in terms of box office success).

        You’re right, there’s nothing objectively wrong with her. But a lot of what she has are measured in terms of social factors, informational, not physical…you can’t quite put a finger on them and yet you know they exist. They (the hordes) are not sure if it’s “fair” or not, and what they see doesn’t quite fit into their notions of what should constitute success . Ergo, an error signal registers, and is manifested in anonymous online complaints. They sling insults and rightly ask “what does she have that I don’t have”, and the answer is nothing, (haha, except 10s of millions in the bank)–not saying she isn’t skilled as an actress but acknowledging that luck and other factors are also necessary for success in scalable pursuits like the movie biz. Read Fooled by Randomness or the Black Swan and everything will make perfect sense :D

      • pat

        that’s a lot of intellectual claptrap for finding an excuse to say it’s okay to find it fun to judge/ demean and be rude in anonymity to another human. i don’t buy it. when i’m ‘perplexed’ by a celebrity’s fame, i move on. i don’t sit there on their post and sh** on them. it’s ridiculous behavior. and to say the behavior is a product of ‘master manipulations’ from some PR firm that the public can’t help but fall for, is intellectual snobbery.

        “short dresses, multiple alleged love affairs, the tattoo” – short dresses is code for young now? nobody accuses Sharon Stone, Halle Berry or even fricking Ms Jolie of being inappropriate for their age when they wear short dresses or revealing clothing. “alleged” is not actual, and it’s a tattoo on her foot for her dead dog. real sexy.

        For some reason. this woman MUST be judged. the way she has her hands displayed in the picture. the way her hair is in her face. the way she dresses. who she dates. etc. etc. except nothing she has done is outrageous. this isn’t an intellectual exercise. it’s just being mean because no one is held accountable (except of course the subject, Ms. Aniston).

      • growin

        pat, I consider myself a dispassionate analyst of pop culture phenomena (read: insomniac). I was merely analyzing a phenomenon. Here’s more analysis: you seem biased–why? She is a very polarizing character, legions of avid fans (there was one in the class I mentioned, and so the discussion played out to great comedic effect. I guess you’re a fan too?), and legions of haters whose disproportionate rabidness I was trying to understand.

        did you not see: “FYI, J Aniston is not old at all. She’s 42. That’s when most people start hitting their stride in various careers.”

        or “there’s nothing objectively wrong with her.” (but the responses I see both for and against her seem to be disproportion to reality)

        [NB: You've reached a new height of coolness (read: sleep deprivation) when you start quoting yourself.]

        “short dresses/love affairs/tattoing” are behaviors more typically associated with young people, no? The reason I didn’t mention Sharon Stone is that a) this is not a thread about Sharon Stone and b) if it were, the responses would not be as polarized because she’s not as polarizing a character. As for the tattoo, I did not say the word “sexy” . And I wrote alleged as a qualifier to love affairs, nothing to do with the tattoo (the presence or absence of which could easily be determined).

      • growin

        Although Sue Mengers asked Jennifer Aniston to adopt her so I think that’s about 10,000,000,000 points in her favor. Sue Mengers is pretty badass :)

  13. NTT

    Brad supposedly left her bc she’s extremely needy and insecure. I hate to say this, but I think this Justin character is using her to increase his fame.

    She is a beautiful woman. It’s seems a waste.

    • Jack Ketch

      Agreed, plus he wanted kids and she didn’t … no worries, it won’t last. She’s more boring than cold margarine, and about as sexy …

      • pat

        you say that with such conviction. you don’t know what one or the other wanted. it amazes me how suppositions and assumptions have become full-blown fact and forms part of the narrative of a celebrity’s life – they are PEOPLE, not a character in a book. what i do know is that Brad thought the idea of kids was very abstract before (i.e. while he was married to Jen), and not sure if he could do the ‘DAD’ role. how do i know this? he actually said it. in a print interview. Justin Theroux seemed to be doing fine on his own without her. so did Mayer. so did Vince Vaughn. you make it sound like they were penniless artists before they met her (and hence using her for her fame…). Please.

  14. Rob

    2 glints from the ring means she’s being held against her will! CALL JACK BAUER!!!!!

  15. cc

    He stole that ring of the corpse of his career.

  16. heather

    are we sure that’s even her? looks like some ugly bitch in a bad wig.

  17. Jennifer Aniston Engagement Ring
    Harry Doyle
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, i would love to see those hands wrapped around my junk.

  18. She’s one more break-up away from owning two dozen cats.

    • cowbulls

      Great comment!! That breakup will be soon because this dude looks way too laid back to put up with JA’s baggage once he has nailed her a few dozen times. She may be incredibly sexually talented after all the practice but she also has got to be getting really loose.

  19. MrsPlant

    What the fuck, Justin. American Psycho, Mulholland Drive, Inland Empire, and now dating Jennifer Aniston and maybe marrying her? What happened to that career where you actually had some sort of self-respect…

  20. iris

    she very happy with news boyfriend justin very hot ,, justin very smart

  21. Mikka

    she was the one talking bad about angelina??

  22. Clarence Beeks

    42, she’s going to die soon? I am 40, I’d better get to reserving that plot.

    How old are you, 15? That is the only way 42 can seem old.

    Guess what? You will all be that age some day. And you men will start growing hair on your backs, and out of your nose and ears. Getting older ain’t pretty for EITHER sex. So FUCK YOU. :)

  23. Jennifer Aniston isn’t OLD. However, she is slowly approaching menopause and her biological alarm clock must be ringing out of control and there are so many chances left for her to push the ‘snooze’ button. Problem for her is, she wreaks of desperation!

    • Clarence Beeks

      I don’t see her as desperate. By the way Dante, it is “reeks”. :)

      I know you all hate spelling corrections, but I had to say something.

    • Blech

      No, she’s not old. It’s just her face happens to resemble that of an old pig, probably because she’s a cold, judgmental asshole. Karma is a bitch that way.

      Nice friendship ring.

  24. Mrs. Dillinger

    Doesn’t she have a tattoo on her foot that says NOrMAN, meaning that NO MAN can stand her, or that she steps on men, or that she is a man hater. I think it is some type of symbol, and all men should run, not walk, away from her immediately.

  25. Brad Hallston

    Ahh the sweet scent of hypocrisy rising off her guaranteed-unshaven vag.

  26. Laura

    It’s a gold ring that says “Jennifer”. There are pap pics all over from the last two weeks of her wearing it. Way to break a story Superficial.

  27. truth be told

    shes engaged to Norman

  28. Pebblz

    ‘Just let me go about my business please. Oh, no. Please don’t take pictures of me as I splay my hand out prominently, sparking immediate rumours of an engagement. I don’t want to be in the tabloids again. Please. No.’

  29. Jennifer Aniston Engagement Ring
    Commented on this photo:

    All that money, and the ice queen still has chipped polish. For shame.

  30. BSHG

    Down Syndrome baby? Wow! You guys are mean. I’m not a big fan…matter of fact, I’m not a fan at all but mehn, that’s mean.

  31. Jennifer Aniston Engagement Ring
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice friendship ring.

  32. Blech

    Yeah, it appears Jennifer is engaged to… Jennifer. Probably because she’s the only one who can stand herself.

  33. Bitch pow

    5. She is 42 and is going to die soon

  34. Lynn A.

    Is it just me or does this picture make her look like a dude? LOL

  35. Rotten cheaters

    So, she swiped this guy away from his longtime girlfriend, right? They only started dating while he was living with someone else and then lied that they were “JUST FRIENDS.” It’s funny how she can be in the press complaining about Pitt’s “sensivity chip” and Angelina being “uncool,” then turn around and do something similar. My only take on that is she really must be narcissistic.
    I can do what I want but nobody can do it to me. Really classless. You and Justin deserve each other.

  36. kay

    She just screams out “I’M DESPERATE”, I know she didn’t just get a manicure by sticking her hand out she’s asking for attention and wanting people to know that she finally got a man.

  37. Jennifer Aniston Engagement Ring
    Commented on this photo:

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