Jenelle Evans Is Wanted For Assaulting Her Ex-Fiance

Her ex-fiance’s on the left. The one who doesn’t look he’s about to be the first person in history to die of a marijuana overdose.

Choosing which of the Teen Mom girls is the worst would be like admitting you have a favorite car accident. Of course everyone’s answer is Farrah Abraham, because watching her go directly from reality TV to gaping anal porn is the equivalent of finally seeing that decapitated head on the center line we’re all secretly slowing down for. But every queen has a successor, and Jenelle Evans is an assault charge away from the rubber anus throne. Via TMZ:

“Teen Mom 2″ star Jenelle Evans will be arrested when cops find her, because she allegedly flew into a rage, attacking and choking her baby daddy/former fiance.

So, while the cops look for her (Do they sell drugs in this town? I would start where they sell the drugs.), Jenelle’s reps are issuing statements saying her former fiance, Nathan Griffith, drove over her with his truck, stole her phone and refused to hand over their son. The weirdest part of the story, for me, is how the cops didn’t resolve this whole thing with a stern talking-to and send Jenelle off to drywall a condo. Investigate a criminal act, then proceed with prosecutions within the scope of the law? Clearly this town has no respect for godly justice, but at least the innocent child’s life is still being ruined. “Eh, you take the bad with the good.” — God, while shitting into a toilet with the word humanity etched into the lid.

Photo: Instagram