‘Teen Mom’ Jenelle Evans Had Another Baby, Oh Good

“Relax, it’s not my kid’s blood. I don’t think.”

Presumably because it doesn’t look good to say “We found a way to market underage human trainwrecks to the general public,” MTV has always defended their exploitative-as-fuck flagship series, Teen Mom, as some sort of educational tool against teen pregnancy. Dr. Drew even asks them what kind of birth control they’re on at each reunion show! Sorry, I should probably back up for a second here. Some of you guys are aware that I’m married, which means compromises have been made and I’m not talking about my manhood. Entirely. But since I’ve made my wife sit through four Transformers films, I’ve now endured several seasons of Teen Mom OG and Teen Mom 2. (And hell yes, I want Butch and Barbara to have their own shows. Are you kidding?) That’s what relationships are about, people. Well, that and being too lazy to go watch TV in another room. Anyway, since none of these girls ever learn anything, and are now independently wealthy thanks to morons like me tuning in, almost all of them kept getting knocked up. Most recently, it was Jenelle Evans who crapped out her third baby from a third father yesterday. Via MTV:

The Teen Mom 2 cast member — who will document this exciting time during this season of the aforementioned MTV series — just welcomed her first daughter Ensley Jolie Eason with beau David Eason. Jace and Kaiser are big brothers to a sister — better get used to playing with the ladies, guys!

That would be the same Jenelle who’s been addicted to heroin, arrested multiple times for drug charges and assault, and who still doesn’t have legal custody of her first kid who is now 7-years-old. Of course, none of that’s stopped her from being a future felon factory, because again, she won the reality TV lottery. But it’s not all bad, because her castmate, and pretty much polar opposite on the shitsmear of humanity spectrum, Chelsea Houska, also had another kid. By most accounts, Chelsea’s one of the good ones, so I guess her hopefully decent kid cancels out Jenelle’s? I guess we’ll find out in 20 years when we watch them battle to the death on MTV VR, which will be attached to our government-issued First Lady Rubber Butthole after Trump trades in Melania for Farrah Abraham during his fifth term.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photo: Getty