Jared Fogle’s Texts Are Gross As Hell

“Tell me, Kermit, do you like iMovies about gladiators?”

Last week, we learned that Jared Fogle is writing women letters from prison where he’s saying all kinds of ridiculous shit like “I’m innocent!” or “I’m totally going to beat this on appeal.” So if you happen to be one of those unfortunate recipients, go ahead and sell that puppy to the tabloids and don’t believe a single word you read because here’s how the prosecution is going to cram a $5 footlong up Jared’s ass. TMZ reports:

Fogle is asking an appeals court to throw out his 15.6 year sentence, claiming the judge should not have sentenced him to more than the max recommended in the plea deal — 12 1/2 years.
The U.S. Attorney just filed legal docs saying Fogle’s conduct warrants the harsher sentence, pointing to text messages he sent to a woman who apparently procured minors for his sexual pleasure.

And now’s the part where things gets really fucking gross:

In one text, Fogle writes, “Is your Asian friend available?” She responds, “Are you going to pay me, too, or can I come back?” He replies, “I’ll pay you big for a 14 or 15-year-old.”
Fogle and the woman then haggle over price — he’s willing to pay $400 if the child is 16 or younger. He then says, “Do you have any access to any young girls? Like 15 or 16?” She asks, “Why, baby?” He says, “Cause it’s what I crave.

One second.

*drills hole into top of skull, inserts funnel, pours bleach in*

Ah, much better. Now where- I’MMA POTATO!

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Tags: Jared Fogle