Jared Fogle Got Ambushed In Prison

The last time we got our hopes up that something awful happened to Jared Fogle in prison, it turned out to be a false alarm. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t ride that emotional roller coaster all over again because wanting horrible shit to happen to pedophiles is what makes America great again. TMZ reports:

Jared Fogle got a surprise beatdown in federal prison from an inmate who has major issues with child molesters … TMZ has learned.
According to docs, Fogle got jumped in the rec yard at Englewood prison in Colorado back on January 29, and it was not much of a fight. An inmate named Steven Nigg pushed Fogle down and then unloaded a barrage of punches to his face.

See? Now that’s something everyone can get behind. Unless you’re Catholic then you probably don’t give a shit and/or have some serious concerns about why little kids keep jumping out at priests with their dicks out. “They’re like the Facehuggers from Aliens,” you convince yourself. “How do you fight that?”

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