Jared Fogle Only Shared Child Porn Once, You Guys. It Was A Date!

With the Brock Turner horseshit painting a depressing as fuck picture of justice in America, I thought everyone could use some cheering up by hearing that Jared Fogle completely lost his appeal despite telling women he was trying to bang from prison that he was going to win it, so if they wouldn’t mind, maybe save that vagina. TMZ reports:

Jared Fogle’s ass will remain locked up in prison for his full sentence … now that his appeal to get it shortened was shot down.
Fogle had filed an appeal, claiming his 188 month sentence was too harsh because he says he didn’t widely distribute child porn. Instead, he says he only showed one child porn video to one person he was dating … while they were in a hotel room.
But the U.S. Court of Appeals didn’t buy that argument, and said the single viewing warrants the punishment.

Jesus Christ. I’m not exactly Dr. Love and spent several years trying to have sex with women while Spider-Man figurines hung from my walls, and even I know you don’t whip out child porn ever once ever for any fucking reason ever at all. Especially a goddamn date. And what did he honestly expect the judge to say? “Well, it appears romance isn’t dead after all. You’re free to go!” The important thing is that Jared Fogle’s lawyers walked with a shit-ton of his Subway money after lying to his face that the ol’ “It Was A Date!” maneuver works every time. I’m good with that. You guys good with that?

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