It’s Jared Fogle’s Perp Walk

Because the air is right for schadenfreude, here’s Jared Fogle leaving the courthouse yesterday where he pleaded guilty to child porn possession and soliciting minors for sex after the FBI raided his home last month and clearly began stress eating everything in sight since because the motherfucker’s already fat again. Fortunately, keeping your balance while being buttsexed in the shower is amazing cardio. Tom Cruise swears by it.

Jared Fogle Fat

“Jared! Jared! What’s on your mind right now?”
“TURKEY!”

Jared Fogle Fat

“Jared! Jared! Would you get in the car faster if there were kids inside?”
“TURKEY!”

Jared Fogle Courthouse

“Jared! Jared! I’m the prosecutor, and I look like George Lucas. What do you think about that?”
“MEESA WANTS TURKEY!”

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Photos: Getty

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