Jared Fogle Got Fat In Prison Already
I’m not allowed to post pics of prison rape. This seemed close though.
So, hey, how’s everyone’s day going? Having a rough one? Well, this might cheer you up. In Touch reports:
Jared — a man who famously lost more than 200 pounds by eating at Subway — has crossed the wrong people in prison and his only comfort has been found in food.
“He’s really started packing on the pounds again, probably from depression,” the prison insider, who estimates Jared to have gained 30 pounds already, says.
“Jared’s breakfast is usually Frosted Flakes with fruit or oatmeal with cake. He loves ‘cake day’ in the dining hall twice a week and he buys Honey Buns by the box, as well as other pastries, in the commissary on his weekly shopping day,” adds the insider. “He’s been known to eat an entire box of eight at one sitting!”
Bahaha! Perfect. But, wait, there’s more:
“One of the men called Jared a ‘dirty child rapist’ and told him to ‘get the f–k out’ and not come back,” a recently released inmate from Colorado’s Federal Correctional Institution — Englewood exclusively reveals.
The disgraced former Subway pitchman then made the mistake of opening his mouth to defend himself.
“The inmate slapped him across the cheeks several times and made his face red. Jared just stood there stunned, then ran out of the gym,” while inmates booed and called him by his prison nickname — “Chomo,” which is short for child molester — as well as another choice derogatory term for a coward.
See? This world isn’t so bad. *looks at Donald Trump’s Super Tuesday results* Nuke it. Nuke everything. Before it spreads!