It Took 8 Years To Bring Down Jared Fogle, World’s Stupidest Pedophile

“Suck my dick, justice! (If you’re under 18.)”

I’ve mentioned this already, but everyone owes a huge apology to the Florida reporter who came forward and said Jared Fogle once told her “middle school girls are hot” because not only was she telling the truth, but the FBI actually did start an investigation and made her wear a wire for years where she was forced to listen in horror while Jared bragged about how much he loved having sex with kids and, hey, would it be cool if he masturbated to her kids? Because that’s something one adult asks another, and not the effects of syphilis caused by a Subway Club which is my working theory. CNN reports:

Herman saw Fogle numerous times over the years, and his comments and admissions got more brazen, she said.
He talked about sex with underage children,” she said. “It was just something that he really, really enjoyed,” she said.
Herman said she notified law enforcement authorities, and the FBI asked her to wear a wire to record her conversations with Fogle.
For years, she said, she worked undercover with authorities to gather evidence against Fogle.
“He trusted me for unknown reasons,” Herman told CNN’s “AC360.” “He had said to me numerous times over the course of years about having sex with minors.”
He got so comfortable with Herman, she said, he included her children in their conversations.
“I had two young children at the time, and he talked to me about installing hidden cameras in their rooms and asked me if I would choose which child I would like him to watch,” she said.

In case I didn’t make it clear, this women is a hero. A goddamn hero.

Although she was horrified by his suggestion, she focused on gathering evidence to put him behind bars.
“During the time that I had with the FBI, I had to play a role. I had to play a certain part in order for Jared to be able to trust me and talk further into detail,” she said.

And ultimately her work paid off as the FBI was not only able to nail Jared for soliciting sex with minors, but for child porn possession thanks to information it found when the director of The Jared Foundation was also busted for kiddie porn which apparently didn’t make Jared think, “Hey, maybe I should get rid of mine,” because he’s the world’s stupidest pedophile. Then again, a 6-inch Sweet Onion Chicken Teryaki told him he was Jesus the other day, and Jesus always escapes from jail. The cucumbers know it. The kid who wears his plastic gloves to the bathroom knows it. Everybody knows it.

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Tags: Jared Fogle