January Jones Looks Like This Already

September 28th, 2011 // 57 Comments

If you thought to yourself, surely January Jones‘s body will pay the price for her adultery and carrying a bastard child to term, clearly you missed all those pics of her doing 25 hours of yoga every single day along with pretty much every post on this site that proves God doesn’t exist. So here’s January walking around with baby Xander looking just fantastic probably because that’s a nanny behind her, so you’re going to want to stop thinking, “Ha! At least that bitch isn’t getting any sleep.” Because she is. Tons of it.

God hates you.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Flynet, GSI Media, INFdaily


  1. chev70

    Me likey.

  2. DKNY

    In another few weeks she’ll be as hot as she ever was, only with bigger tits.

  3. January Jones Son Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow. Her son is tall!

  4. January Jones Son Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow. Her son is already walking!

  5. AtomicMug

    She’s such a happy looking new mom!

    • Meh

      BAHAHA!! That was sarcasm right? I have never seen this biatch look happy she aint’t at all happy now specially since her little keep the bastard plan didn’t work making Mr.Mysterymarriedman come running to her and rescue her like Richard Gere rescued that other cranky subpar looking horse faced prostitute in that movie girls love for some unknown reason that’s totally not because most bitchy women basically are prositutes looking for some Mr. Moneybags to take care of them so they can get fat and stop trying.

      Notice how I said most bitchy women, because there are nice women out there who don’t pull that shi,t but most of them are taken by your brother or best friend so you’re essentially screwed. The only reason Ice Queen here isn’t all fat is cause bitch hasn’t got herself a permanent man who allows his balls to live in her purse yet so she’ll be staying slim until her little games finally work, which may never happen sicne she doesn’t have a personality worth sticking around for and looks wise she’s a dime-a-dozen who will only settle for a rich as shit man and rich as shit men can do better and younger any day of the week.

    • AtomicMug

      Ok, here’s the show pitch:

      January & Kate PLUS Nine Whom They Can’t Handle Without a Staff and Hate Men Especially the Guys They Had Sex With Who They Blame for All of Their Problems

      It’s reality TV GOLD!

      We can fly Kate and her brood out to LA, and shack her up in a mansion with January and her kid. Sparks’ll fly with Kate going off on her Starbucks/prescription fueled RAGES! And January can sit there with that postpartum depression and passive/aggressive pout on her face.

      We can send them on dates where all they talk about at dinner what bums their ex-husbands/sex partners are, and they constantly complain about the service!

      (Their “dates” and restaurant staff will have to be actors, because nobody would put up with either of these broads for more than 5 or 10 minutes. In fact, we’ll just B-roll their dates and staff and splice them in in post – you know, for insurance reasons.)

      I’m waiting to hear from you, VH1!

  6. January Jones Son Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    Is her son in one of her hands, or hiding behind that door?

  7. Stuart Le Chiffere

    Got Milk?

  8. January Jones Son Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow. Her son is tan!

  9. Odious_ One

    Queen of Heartless , Queen of cold !

  10. Owen Dupree

    Needs to be in shape for the next hook – up, I mean job

  11. Dude of Dudes

    Congratulations Ms. Jones. Every woman who didnt hate you sure as hell does now.

  12. Cock Dr

    She may look great, but she’s living and sleeping alone and her ladyparts are probably pretty damned sore.
    Enjoy that Mommyhood thing. Hope it works out for her.

  13. There’s only one sort of folk what that can have babies and then be miraculously de-fattified. Well, two, if you count witches AND celebrities. Somebody get me a duck…

  14. cc

    Xander Dane…what a moron. What is it with these celebrities?

  15. Of course she looks like that. As soon as the baby popped out there was a sound heard that was not unlike a balloon deflating rapidly.

  16. Coyote

    I am NOT a January Jones fan; but DAMN

  17. January Jones Son Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    They grow up so fast…

  18. tonawanda

    Normal women can look that good, too — but the masses are just too lazy and gluttonous to be so.

    • my name

      give a birth and then we’ll talk about this again.I would be talking,you would be crying.

      • tonawanda

        i have three kids, i’m 40 and i work my ass off running, playing tennis and doing yoga to stay looking good.

        what do you do? eat bonbons?

  19. January Jones Son Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    Whoever wrote this is a mean, hateful and jealous person. God doesn’t love people like that.

  20. forrest gump

    you wished me sick?

  21. Fester

    The term “adultery” is only accurate when both individuals are married (to other people). By having sex with a married man, unmarried January Jones committed the act of “fornication.” I realize people misuse the terms all the time and nobody gives a shit. Still I thought I’d mention it because of my undying faith in the insanely high editorial standards maintained at The Superficial.

  22. You know, a while back this woman was going on and on about how she hated her ex boyfriend because he basically called what happened with how this kid came about…

  23. De Gaulle

    Lookin lactatious

  24. Anonymous

    Who the hell is January Jones?

  25. Jersey Torch

    My wife starved herself a little after giving birth. She dropped the pounds right away. She was a little dizzy the first week but she got used it. Her friends were so pissed that she dropped the baby weight right away. HA! Women! So vicious. My male friends on the other hand, were happy for me. I have a women who loves me enough to keep herself looking good! She is still a gorgeous size 2! : )

    Most women just don’t want to endure the tiniest bit of discomfort to look good. LAZY FAT LOSERS

    • brksocialsc

      ….Are you sure you’re male? Your post suggests a female with delusional tendencies. I find it highly unlikely for a male to provide details of “dizziness” and “female gossip” about weight loss. A little too informative, and my dealings with male have demonstrated very terse interactions.

  26. Venom

    I wonder if Bobby Flay is the daddy?

    How much of a whore do you have to be that you have to hide the identity of the father of your child?

  27. celebsloveme

    Nah, the best way to shrink your tummy is breastfeeding and if she’s doing that, she’s up every 2 hours. So ha, not sleeping!

  28. January Jones Son Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    … and dark too. Must be a black basketball player father.

  29. Drew

    I don’t get it… you can’t even tell what her body looks like, all you can make out is her awesome pregnant brea….

    ohhh now I get it.

  30. my name

    January is on a way on evolution,so happy about it,it seems women do not need a father to have a child or to do anything to lose gained weight.Must be super woman…

  31. SayWhat?

    Please, you people do know that celebrities have the luxury of being nipped/tucked/lipo’d to hell before they leave the hospital?? Plus having trainers and people to cook for them? And not even having to look after their own kids?? I mean, fuck, if ‘regular’ women had that fucking option they’d look just as good.

  32. January Jones Son Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    The previous day: “Do you have any pants with elephantine legs so I’ll look even thinner?… The Khloe Kardashian Kollection? That sounds fine.”

  33. I don’t dislike January Jones because people find her attractive. I dislike her because she is dour and insipid beyond belief.

  34. January Jones Son Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    So she has a hispanic maid, and then a black maid to service the hispanic maid? Unless she hires an asian maid for the black maid, I call that DISCRIMINATION.

  35. Napoupi

    True it’s kind of annoying.
    But we’ll always have Pink and Mariah Carey to turn to when we want a good laugh at the expense of disfigured women who ate their own weight in peanut butter during pregnancy.

  36. Patate

    If you don’t gain that much weight during pregnancy (say: the recommended 22-25 pounds), it’s pretty easy to loose after giving birth. You loose 10-12 pounds just by giving birth and the rest by breastfeeding…

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