Of Course January Jones Eats Her Placenta Every Morning Before Breakfast

March 26th, 2012 // 76 Comments
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If a stranger I’d never met before in my life told me that January Jones needs to devour the hearts of children so she can smile on cue because she’s dead inside, I’d believe them without a second thought. Which is why I’m not all surprised to learn she apparently freeze-dried her afterbirth and literally pops that shit like vitamins. People reports:

Jones’s secret to staying high energy through the grueling shooting schedule? “I have a great doula who makes sure I’m eating well, with vitamins and teas, and with placenta capsulation.”
You read right: Jones is eating her own placenta. “Your placenta gets dehydrated and made into vitamins,” she explains. “It’s something I was very hesitant about, but we’re the only mammals who don’t ingest our own placentas.”
Jones has taken the capsules every day since right after she had her son, and also anytime she feels tired or down. Jones insists, “It’s not witch-crafty or anything! I suggest it to all moms!”

“It’s so not witch-craft. You’re simply eating the discarded remains from your child’s birth thus magically infusing you with his energy so you have the strength to stare into his soul and demand to know why he’s not cute enough to make his daddy leave his bitch of a wife, Xander. Seriously, if that’s witch-craft, then call me ‘Ice-arella, Sorceress of the North.’ Actually, you know what, don’t call me that. I’m not supposed to let mortals know my true name. Can I just see your tape recorder?”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

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  1. Any Guy

    big deal, its probably like a dried out slim jim. nasty broad.

  2. January Jones Frozen Placenta Vitamins
    Jon Hex
    Commented on this photo:

    “Let. me. get. that. for. you. master.”

  3. January Jones Frozen Placenta Vitamins
    jimmy
    Commented on this photo:

    Yo, can I tap that too, you stuck up looking bitch

  4. Frank Burns

    “Its also a great metaphor for how I’m going to emotionally consume my child, until he is just as ice cold, joyless, and dead inside as his mother.”

  5. JC

    She’s just practicing her blood drinking for her role in the upcoming movie “Blade 4: Ice Vagina vs. The Day Walker.”

  6. Colgate

    No wonder her breath smells like dead fetus.

  7. January Jones Frozen Placenta Vitamins
    The 99%
    Commented on this photo:

    Seriously if there is some mother fucker telling stars in Hollywood to freeze dry whatever the fuck comes out of their bodies and eat it later in tablet form making 100G’s a year then I am in the mother fucking wrong profession. Any stars in Hollywood want to pay me to make them do some freak nasty inhuman shit just check me out on facebook.

  8. The Royal Penis

    She’s looking emaciated and her skin lacks color…obviously she hasn’t had a fetal meal in a while. Someone find some homeless kids to give her. I hear Brazil is loaded with them and that no one ever misses them when they disappear.

  9. Balls

    So what you’re saying is bitch had the baby just to eat the placenta thinking it would keep her young and healthy. What a stupid whore.

  10. dr

    I thought a doula was a midwife. But they do more advising and spirituality stuff throughout the pregnancy. Is she pregnant again? I don’t believe that most animals ingest their own placenta. Not when there are freshly born pups to munch on. I mean, that’s what I would go for if I was a woodland creature had just had a litter of babies in the forest and was starving.

  11. Internet

    Bitch looks like Skarsgård and vice versa.

  12. Richard McBeef, MD

    Every time somebody eats a placenta or steeps that shit into some tea, whoever pushed the notion of placenta consumption laughs their ass off that somebody actually believes their shit.

    >>>> but Dr. McBeef my cat ate her placenta so it’s natural!

    Yeah, we don’t have an existence where a few wasted nutrients make a fuck worth of difference. Moron. There is extractable nutrients in cat shit too, go gobble some up.

  13. I Complain A Lot

    This revelation would not stop me from having sex with her, just sayin

  14. grobpilot

    Celebrities are so fucking gullible. Somebody comes up with a goofy idea and gets one celebrity to sign off on it. Suddenly it becomes the trend-du-jour and all the stars are doing it. And these assholes have the nuts to stand up on their pedestals and tell us how to live our lives, which politician fuck-up to vote for, which car to drive and to drink a shit-load of coconut water (or did that die down already)? One of these days someone will convince an action star that standing in front of moving trains is a fantastic idea, then the Law of Natural Selection will take over. By the way, the word “gullible” is not a real word. You can’t find it in any dictionary, no matter which dictionary you look in or search online. Anyone??

  15. El Jefe

    January Jones eats her own young. And not a single person is surprised. She probably killed and ate the father of her child too.

  16. Frank Burns

    Maybe if the idea takes off she can become a spokesman for the new “McPlacenta” burger at McDonald’s.

  17. Placenta gives you wings.

    Actually Placenta helps to temporarily restore mental alertness and wakefulness when experiencing fatigue or drowsiness.

  18. DocJ

    Its actually a very common practice everywhere except here. Our population would rather ingest pink slime called meat and eat hot dogs made with every part of a mammal except the parts that are acceptable to eat. Maybe we should do some research on certain subjects before we speak. Common medical practices and thinking in our country is considered barbaric in most of the rest of the world, ie. c-sections, spinal surgeries, Rx dependencies, hip surgeries, gall bladder removals, gastro bands, hysterectomies, plastic surgery, vaginal rejuvenation, etc.

    • EricLr

      It’s a very common practice for a dog to eat his own shit and monkeys to piss in their own mouths. That doesn’t make it wise.

    • Cheri

      Yes, it’s SO barbaric to remove your gall bladder. Much more sensible to enjoy excruciating pain when a malfunctioning one deposits gall stones in your body for your enjoyment-edification. Your opinion is so worthwhile, I’ll be sure to pay close attention when you throw more pearls of “wisdom” out at the ignorant masses.

  19. celebsloveme

    My sister in law did the same thing and used the same argument–”we’re the only mammals who don’t do it”. Other mammals also lick their babies’ asses clean for them, so in my mind, not the most convincing pro.

  20. Aha

    Not that big a deal or anything to be grossed out by. It helps prevent post partum depression. It’s dried and put into tiny capsules, you don’t even taste it. The hormones in the placenta helps balance out the hormonal roller coaster after childbirth. I did it with my own. It’s not everyone’s bag but why get so weird over it – it’s more natural than prescription pills that you just blindly ingest.

  21. grobpilot

    “…fava beans and a nice Chianti”.

  22. Educate Yourself

    The average cell structure of the human body will sustain stasis for 72 hours and then begin to break down when removed from the host. The cell walls of most human cells will be the first to break down if conditions are perfect, room temperature and or normal humidity.
    The process of freezing would destroy any remaining cell structure the cells might have rendering any nutrients worthless.
    The viable method to securing any nutrients from a placenta would be to eat it raw.
    Freeze drying and capsulating human flesh serves only as a a bizarre religious ritual and not at all for a means of maintaining a healthy diet. It should be brought to the attention of anyone seriously considering this that their are health risks involved in eating freeze dried human flesh.
    There is NO nutritional value to eating freeze dried, capsulated human flesh. This person has been severely misinformed and is risking her health.

    • Richard McBeef, MD

      While i agree that eating placenta isn’t some magical cornucopia of nutrients, your notion that freezing destroys said nutrients and that intact cellular membranes are required for nutritional benefits is patently false. Must I eat raw steak to obtain the nutrients contained within? No. No. I don’t. I can freeze it. I can also cook it, denaturing proteins and fucking up all sorts of cellular structure, and still obtain nutritional benefit.

      educate yourself, wait no, just think for a fucking second.

      and there are no cell walls in the animal kingdom.

      • Educate Yourself

        No you’re not retaining the full nutritional value of whatever it is you have lurking in your freezer when you eat it five months later. All biological cells have a shelf life and freezing them is a sure way to destroy anything worth keeping. You don’t need to fact check me instead read a book, my reference to cell walls were not in the literal sense. The fact is freezing biological matter destroys it capacity to benefit humans nutritionally.
        The act of thawing destroys the integrity of the cells that make up whatever hamburger meat you’re cooking up next to your fryolator. Freezing food destroys it, shooting preservatives into food that you eat is just like shooting them into yourself.
        You can state all the research you want and pay all the doctors you can to stand up on capitol hill so you can sell your hamburgers but it’s not going to change facts.
        Eating frozen placenta that has been capsulated does not provide any nutritional or medicinal value. Argue my undotted i’s and miscrossed t’s till you splooge but you can’t change the facts.

      • Richard McBeef, MD

        ‘The fact is freezing biological matter destroys it capacity to benefit humans nutritionally.’

        This is plainly false. You sir, are an idiot.

      • whiskeyafternoon

        I like that every fucktard who “disagrees” with scientific fact thinks it’s a matter of opinion and therefore must be debated with the papacy and capitol hill and lobbyists. McBeef is correct, and our degrees apparently have no significance to you, so they will not be cited.

      • Mike Walker

        Only a couple of the primary vitamins are broken down appreciably by cooking, exposure or aging of food. Not that it matters, since the reason for eating the placenta is supposedly for its hormone content, not nutritional value, although both are dubious claims.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        What about them-thar frozen test-toob babies? Them’s been defrosting and learning their three R’s for decades now, almost like normal chirruns.

      • So all the frozen foods and dinners I’ve eaten over the years had no nutritional value whatsoever? No wonder I’m wasting away.

        Also, lol@”my reference to cell walls were not in the literal sense.” Because you pretend to teach science and then fuck up the actual scientific terminological distinction—animals have cell membranes; cell walls are the additional cellular protection found in plants and fungi.

  23. She’s lucky. There’s nothing worse than a mid-range doula.

    You end up with animal placenta, acidic colonics . . .horrible, horrible.

  24. Deacon Jones

    “we’re the only mammals who don’t ingest our own placentas.”

    Yes, that’s right. We also don’t eat our babies shit out of their bed. Should we start doing that too, you FUCKING IDIOT.

  25. andy bellboy

    Newsflash: There’s a LOT of things we do that other mammals don’t. What a brainless way to look at things.

  26. January Jones Frozen Placenta Vitamins
    Class Based Society
    Commented on this photo:

    Another dumb whore fucking things up for white people, Gwyneth Paltrow 2.0

  27. EricLr

    Laugh at her all you want. You’ll be damn glad to have her in your corner if you ever need to train a Russian boxer to beat Rocky.

  28. January Jones Frozen Placenta Vitamins
    chuck E. cheese
    Commented on this photo:

    In other words she is in negotiations to renew her contract and the studio is devaluing her image in order to keep paying her less than what she wants. Welcome to Hollywood, you’re expendable so don’t fuck up. Be nice to see her spraying children with mace next.

  29. dontkillthemessenger

    She’s probably pissed we’re mammals and not reptiles… reptiles have been known to eat their offspring.

  30. Man, I can’t believe I didn’t remember this until now…

    http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2005/10/17/

  31. January Jones Frozen Placenta Vitamins
    Commented on this photo:

    He must have looked directly at her face.

  32. Buddy the Elf

    “we’re the only mammals who don’t ingest our own placentas”

    Pretty sure we are also the only mammals that dont lick their own asses and eat their own feces. And I am totally OK with that nugget of wisdom.

    • Reece

      Watch TLC’s “My Strange Addiction” apparently there are plenty of ppl out there that drink their own urine so that argument doesn’t hold up.

      The idea of eating your placenta is insanely gross (especially after looking at pictures of a placenta *blech*) but I’m sure there are plenty of benefits to it considering its able to sustain and grow a human for 9 months….

      We ingest grosser things on a daily basis and don’t know it. I mean we willingly eat the periods of a chicken, dead animals, and food laced with chemicals we’d find under our sink (but its ok by the FDA…) and there is lots of medicine and vitamins out that we take that use animal byproducts including placenta (listed as different names)….

      Not saying that I would eat placenta but its not the worse thing….

  33. January Jones Frozen Placenta Vitamins
    yeeah
    Commented on this photo:

    nice comb-over, bitch.

  34. rican

    Home Alone III – Kevin Rides Solo

  35. gnarla

    Didn’t Tom Cruise do the same thing when mini-Holmes was born?

  36. Cock Dr

    I won’t even go into whether it might be a good idea to ingest your own placenta.
    Rather: Why would anyone feel compelled to share that information with a writer from People magazine? Did she also take them into her bathroom to view her booger collection?

  37. Joe

    OOOooooooooK.

  38. kris

    youre all a bunch of ignorant morons. this is actually a very popular thing to do outside of the US and is a great way to avoid the baby blues because you are putting your own hormones back into you! even well after you need them, woman use the pills for PMS and menopause(instead of hormone replacement because its YOUR tailor made hormones).
    i will totally do this when i have children.

  39. lyndie

    Cannibalism

  40. jen

    yeah, I am a doula and I once had someone who got me to make her a placenta shake….it was pretty weird. But it’s quite common in certain circles.

  41. January Jones Frozen Placenta Vitamins
    Jimmy
    Commented on this photo:

    What a rookie, you can clearly see the stake under his sweater, mistakes like those get people killed kid.

  42. Mike

    The reason some animals eat it has less to do with nutrition and is more to hide the evidence of a newborn from predators. Whoever believes that shit does any good deserves to get ripped off by some charlatan. Stupid bitch.

  43. January Jones Frozen Placenta Vitamins
    Ric D.
    Commented on this photo:

    So that’s what Doug’s been up to…

  44. What a weird, sour woman. The Ice Queen strikes again. When was the last time she smiled?

  45. Justine Beiber

    ““It’s something I was very hesitant about, but we’re the only mammals who don’t ingest our own placentas.”

    Were also the only animals that talk, or wear clothes, or sunglasses, or bleach their hair, or drink water out of bottles, or make movies, or build blonde female robots to star in those movies.

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