January Jones Has A New Boyfriend

August 21st, 2012 // 46 Comments
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Despite her penchant for birthing spite babies and making the maid pretend they’re hers, January Jones apparently has a new boyfriend and don’t worry, I had the same questions as you: Who’s he’s married to? And when’s the new baby coming? Here’s what I found out: 1. No clue. 2. January Jones really doesn’t like being surprised in the shower even if you wear a fake wedding band and open with, “Excuse me, miss, are you ovulating?”

UPDATE: Surprise, he’s the director of her new movie.



  1. Fred Garvin

    He no looka like a mon?

  2. Sheppy

    I wonder if the kid will gow up calling Jones ‘Auntie’.
    Or maybe ‘January’.

  3. Fred Garvin

    Next photos are of him shitting on a police car.
    * Cue hipster douche response

  4. January Jones New Boyfriend
    Commented on this photo:


  5. January Jones New Boyfriend
    Commented on this photo:

    I like that car park. You have 2 hours free parking there.

  6. cc

    She certainly seems happy about it.

  7. EricLr

    I don’t know who he is. But I can tell you that if he’s ever wondered what it would feel like to stick his penis in liquid nitrogen–today’s his lucky day.

  8. January Jones New Boyfriend
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess all I needed was some wranglers, a black t-shirt, a fresh pair of old people nikes, a lame hair style and a pair of glasses.

    If this guy can do it…

  9. January Jones New Boyfriend
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d use my strap-on with her. No doubt about it!

  10. Twizlah

    She must have a time machine because apparently she went back in time to 1996 to start dating a member of Collective Soul.

  11. January Jones New Boyfriend
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    New Trend: Cankle Cut Jeans

  12. it had to be said

    Nice glasses, Scarlett. Wait, who?

  13. January Jones New Boyfriend
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    Does she pay him extra to pretend that she [s]is funny[/s] has a personality?

  14. January Jones New Boyfriend
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Can it possible be that she’s dating not just a complete unknown, but a GINGER complete unknown?

  15. maeby

    Sorry baby, i can’t push your stroller, i’m holding my boyfriends hand. Conchita will stroll you….in the back.

  16. January Jones New Boyfriend
    Commented on this photo:

    Great taste in clothes and men

  17. Abby Normal

    Her shirt should read, “I let Charlie Sheen fuck me and all I got was this stupid hat.”

  18. January Jones New Boyfriend
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “Why is that bitch with the stroller following us everywhere?”

  19. T1

    look, she’s smiling! haha, j/k!

  20. January Jones New Boyfriend
    STAYPuft Overlord
    Commented on this photo:

    Carrot Top could do better.

  21. NE1

    Hope he gets her pregnant so we can see fat Betty again.

  22. January Jones New Boyfriend
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    Did she steal that outfit from the set of Full House?

  23. In The Know

    It’s LOGAN or NOAH Miller (writer/director twin brothers) from Touching Home fame. They just shot SWEETWATER, a western in July and January starred in it…looks like she left with more than a paycheck.

  24. He’s gonna get brain freeze the second he penetrates her.

  25. January Jones New Boyfriend
    Commented on this photo:

    This guy is a hipster doofus.

  26. Cavallari's Taint

    Jeez, the company IT guy is hitting that?

  27. January Jones New Boyfriend
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    She’s extraordinarily AVERAGE.

  28. The Royal Penis

    Dude must have a horse dick.

  29. “…so I said to the Dungeon Master there’s no way I could be kept in a cell. I’m a Level 83 Arcane Mage with a +3 Staff of Virtue! I mean, doesn’t he know I could hotkey the Spell of Dragon Eyes to the G1 key? I could spawn an Elf of the Flowing Rivers to open the lock, and then I could don my Cloak of the NeverSeen and totally leave the dungeon! What a moron!”
    “So, can you help me reset my Gmail password, or what?”
    “Of course, my fair maiden! What do I look like, a Level 1 Orc of the Mud Basin Tribe?” *snort snort snort*

  30. January Jones New Boyfriend
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s obviously thrilled with the new love of her life. Look at that happy shining face.

  31. Magoot2005

    Pony tail? It’s 2012 man…..

  32. thespiral

    She proves moms everywhere right when they say “if you keep making that face, it’ll get stuck that way.” Her bitchface is permanent.

  33. Alpo

    They look soooo happy together!

  34. January Jones New Boyfriend
    Commented on this photo:

    She has the face of a smacked arse.

  35. January Jones New Boyfriend
    Buddy The Elf
    Commented on this photo:

    Awww, its hipster Mr. Sensitive Ponytail guy.

  36. January Jones New Boyfriend
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    Permanent bitchface. If she smiled it would shatter into a million little pieces.

  37. January Jones New Boyfriend
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    How does it feel, going out with the single mother of a hated child?

  38. January Jones New Boyfriend
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s starting to look pissed off by proxy.

  39. January Jones New Boyfriend
    Commented on this photo:

    dude looks just like Mark McKenney playing Darril.

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