January Jones Is Too Beautiful To Carry Her Baby

November 18th, 2011 // 54 Comments

Action-packed day, I know.

Here’s January Jones taking her son Xander for his two month check-up, although you wouldn’t know it because she makes the nanny carry the baby ten feet behind her at all times lest someone actually thinks the little bastard is hers. No, no, she’s far too beautiful for that.

XANDER: Mommy, can I have a toy?
JANUARY: *nervously looks around store* Whoa! I’m not your mommy. Are you lost, little boy?
XANDER: Oh, right, sorry. *walks over to nanny* Fat lady mommy hired, may I have a toy?
JANUARY: You should teach your son not to talk to strangers! ‘Believe this woman?

Photos: Flynet, GSI Media


  1. January Jones Baby Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    This is a nanny that only a bitter single woman would hire. Doesn’t she know the hot Latina nannies do it for half off? Yeah, she knows…

  2. Well, she IS a little too wooden to be bending her arms and all that shiz. Haven’t you seen her act?

  3. TomFrank

    This note was found in Xander’s crib:

    “Be careful around January. She’s not as approachable as the others. She’s really serious about what she does. Everyone else is so nice.”

  4. Enidaj

    She really does come across as a cold bitch.

    • maeby

      I’m pretty sure she just had that baby out of spite. Baby daddy wronged her.

      • Sage

        Or could it be she didn’t want to kill her baby? SHOCKING

      • Schmidtler

        hmm, so your premise is that she either made the decision to keep the baby out of a profound sense of morality & compassion for another living creature, or because she’s a nasty spiteful bitch. I’m sticking with ‘bitch’ as the more likely explanation.

    • AK

      I’m no fan of hers, but I think she’s just on to something smart: paparazzi really hound people to get photos of them with their babies. If the baby is never in a convenient spot to take a picture, they can’t get the money shot. If they know it’s always going to be that way, fewer will try.

      • MoCo

        So do you think it’s better to give birth and then treat your baby without love and affection? That’s the more humane thing to do, right? How about giving it up for adoption to a family that would actually love and want that baby?
        But that would look bad, her public image could be hurting :(

        I think it’s likely that she’s a silly little provincial girl adhering to her community’s standards while trying to “make it” in Hollywood and pretending she’s more than she is.

        I really don’t like this woman…

  5. Frank Burns

    “Just carry the damn thing around, and make it shut up, that’s what I’m paying you for, right!?”

  6. Jimbo


  7. Willie Dixon

    Her and Paltrow seem related. Not just the skinny blonde thing, but just the sheer contempt in their own special ways.

  8. Cock Dr

    She does fulfill the icy blonde stereotype very well.
    That baby came out shivering.

  9. mrsmass

    if you can’t handle going to your kid’s drs appointment without brining the nanny, you’re a shitty mom.

  10. Archies_Leach

    Sooooo….. what you’re saying is….. in Mad Men……. January Jones isn’t acting?

  11. zorbitor

    I just spit up on my Mommy

  12. Venom

    A horrible actress, there is no need to speculate as to how she gets work.

  13. Bianca

    She couldn’t even be bothered to hold her baby for a photo-op, that is true ice queen cuntiness right there.

  14. January Jones Baby Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    she carried that baby for 9 months…I think she’s done her part.

  15. cc

    My new nickname for her is Sunny Delight. It just seems so right.

    • Jack Ketch

      Good one, Sunny Delight is actually “food porn,” as in zero nutrition and harmful ingredients. So yeah, that works.

  16. Llama

    She probably just doesn’t want her kid squashed by the papaazzi. It’s better than veiling the poor child with a blanket only to find him go limp in your arms 30 minutes later. Imagine the tabloids: January Jones caught suffocating her baby in public.

    • Duck

      The second comment on here that isn’t wannabe tabloid gossip horse-shit. I wouldn’t want the world to know about my child being sick. Sheeple.

  17. EricLr

    It’s a shame. That’s the cutest spite baby I’ve ever seen.

  18. Carla

    I really, reeeeaaaally want spite babydaddy to be Ashton Kutcher.

  19. January Jones Baby Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    Judging by those jugs she’s also the we tnurse.

  20. a

    She doesn’t want the paparazzi to get their money shot of him. But this only works when he’s a baby. She won’t be able to hide him under a blanket forever.

  21. forrest gump

    what about the option of ‘renting’ a sort of godmother from colombia?

  22. I don’t care her body looks awesome for a chick that just had a baby, she even looks good in frumpy clothes

  23. bing

    She’s so boring I want to slap her on the face.

  24. momoftwo

    She had a c section, you cant lift anything for 6 weeks INCLUDING your BABY!!!

    • Heather

      Ridiculous so if you’re a single mother with no help, you just sit there and stare at your baby as it cries? Unrealistic.

    • Really?!

      Um…I had TWO C–sections and I had no problem holding, lifting, and carrying my babies right after surgery, walking around, etc.

  25. DontHateTheTruth

    She took lessons from Reese Witherspoon, the Queen of Bitchy-Ness and poor excuse of a mother!

  26. Mean momma

    Have no idea what the fascination is with this woman. Not only is she a terrible actress, she has a horrible reputation. Usually, when there are lots and lots of rumors, some of it has to be true. And if you are having an affair with a married man and get pregnant, having a baby out of spite is not the way to go. It is selfish. All the circumstances around this birth are suspicious and you have to feel for the child.

  27. right

    So who’s the unlucky guy that will have to put up with this bitch for 18years?? Be funny if it was bobby flay. Probably one of the other 4 mentioned though.

  28. Alex655321

    didn’t name her January because she exuded warmth

  29. jen

    I don’t like January Jones, she seems like kind of a bitch, but I’m pretty sure the reason she’s doing this is so it’s less likely for paparazzi to surround the baby for pictures if she walks ahead of him and isn’t carrying him.

  30. January Jones Baby Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    So…she’s given birth to an illegitimate child. It’s to bad for the kid. And…even better. His own mother don’t love him/her enough to carry it or take care of it. Fuck JJ.

  31. jonus

    son of a bitch she named her kid xander now I have to re name my kid so he isn’t tainted by the simalarity

  32. Ania

    I just met her in NYC and she was super nice, and totally playing with her baby. So crappy to be under a microscope all day long.

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