January Jones Is Bitchy To Small Children, Oh, Good

August 23rd, 2011 // 23 Comments

“Maybe if you weren’t such a little lesbian, that shark wouldn’t be eating you!”

Jared Gilmore is only 10-years-old, but he’s already bounced on his role as Bobby Draper on Mad Men and heroically decided to warn his replacement, and the entire acting community, that January Jones is a frigid icebox of hate and adulterous child-bearing. TV Guide reports:

“Be careful around January [Jones]. She’s not as approachable as the others. She’s really serious about what she does. Everyone else is so nice.”

In January’s defense, her Mad Men character actually is a frigid icebox of hate and adultery, so maybe she’s insanely method. I dunno, I’m not a gynecologist. What I do know is that it says something when child actors who might as well be extras feel comfortable trash-talking an actress because technically you’re allowed to treat those kids like luggage. In fact, I’ll be genuinely surprised if this doesn’t embolden the Lollipop Guild. *picks up thimble* Elf Tickler to Dinklage. Elf Tickler to Dinklage. Come in, Dinklage. Is Dwarfkrieg a go? Repeat. Is Dwarfkrieg a go? Over.

Photo: Flynet, Getty


  1. gotta laugh when women wear those sashes, like it makes them look muuuch skinnier.. huh huh

  2. jesus-is-lord.com

    Jesus Christ died for your sins so you may have eternal life. Repent of your sins and accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.

    • ZigZagZoey

      January hates Jesus too, so don’t even try it.

    • jd

      What the fuck would I do with eternal life? Dying is the only fucking thing I have to look forward to, Josiah.

      • the budda

        ass cancer includes those whose monikers are spam. thus sayeth the Lord.
        now go forth and multiply (fuck off)

    • Jesus is a fairy tale like Snow White & Rapunzel, you silly little Christian!

      • torrdurr

        The fact that you don’t feel like a ginormous turd while unironically saying “silly little christian” shows that HItler should’ve gassed people like you, rather than the poor jews. :/

        Seriously, how many cocks can you fit into your mouth?

    • jesus-is-lord.com

      “Know this first of all, that in the last days mockers will come with their mocking, following after their own lusts” 2 Peter 3:3

  3. Frank Burns

    Well we all hate child actors, right? Because their presence ruins so many movies, and then they turn into annoying train wrecks later in life. Even so, you don’t get to be mean to a little kid.

    As for Jones, whatever her ‘method’ may be, it ain’t helping her acting. In the Xmen comics, Emma Frost, whom Jones portrayed in the Xmen movie, is English. I’m betting they didn’t have her be English in the movie because Jones couldn’t pull off the accent.

    • AxG

      This is leftover from Zach G. being invited by her to sit down and talk to her, then getting sent away because he probably asked her for some weird greek anal sex. She then had enough class to speak nicely about him later, for which he calls her on a lie. Hmm. who’s the a-hole there? The truth is she politely invited him to sit down, and he did something to change her mind; that’s pretty obvious. Zach G. is only funny as an object to be scorned and derided in movies because he personifies fat virginal losers, and he probably tried to use dickhead humor with her. She’ll never win an oscar, but she sure doesn’t need to put up with fat f*cks like Galfifinkiksnonuts (who cares how its spelled) trying to get laid. She comes from a part of the country where the people are pretty reserved and often get taken for being aloof, plus she is hot so her creating a little buffer with people doesn’t surprise me. I think this is overblown.

  4. JC


  5. From the sounds of it, her little bastard-in-the-oven will probably be issued his first “time-out” before they’re even finished suturing up her hoo-hoo.

    • TomFrank

      Suturing her hoo-hoo? Perhaps you might want to familiarize yourself with the details of childbirth, because the hoo-hoo doesn’t get sutured afterwards. Or maybe you’ve never actually seen a vagina to begin with.

    • Ripped Vajayjay

      Yup I had 2 kids and I had an episiotomy twice. It is quite common in childbirth otherwise that melon of a head squeezing through the happy hole would rip to shreds. Hope you liked the visual.

  6. DogBoy

    I can’t even top the caption…
    “Maybe if you weren’t such a little lesbian, that shark wouldn’t be eating you!”
    So I won;t try. I’ll just post that.

  7. edamame

    Look at those veins! There is definitely rage flowing through those!

  8. January Jones Mad Men Jared Gilmore
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yeah, you better heel, because in a few more weeks, I’m going to have start loving someone else.”

  9. January Jones Mad Men Jared Gilmore
    Commented on this photo:

    Maybe if she had made that face a few months ago she wouldn’t be in her current predicament.

  10. January Jones Mad Men Jared Gilmore
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s with the dogs ?

  11. January Jones Mad Men Jared Gilmore
    Commented on this photo:

    I think that sash does wonders for her waste line.

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