January Jones Birthed Her Bastard

September 15th, 2011 // 50 Comments

After five years, by my count, January Jones has finally birthed her illegitimate child forged in a hotbed of adultery and whatever you call stuff (theoretically) behind Claudia Schiffer‘s back. People reports:

Mad Men star January Jones, 33, welcomed her first child on Tuesday, her rep confirms to PEOPLE.
Son Xander Danes Jones and mom are “doing great,” the rep says.

Oh, how cute. Her baby’s name starts with an X just like X-Men: First Class the name of the movie she conceived him on with a married man. Now when he asks, “Mom, why does my name start with an X?” She can say, “Why it’s from the name of the movie I conceived you on with a married man.” And then when he asks where this guy is, she can explain to him how revenge pregnancy works. So to answer your question, the kid’ll be fine.

Photos: Splash News


  1. poor bastard’s going to grow up getting his ass pummeled every day

  2. Wait, what’s with the speculation? The baby’s last name is, Jones. Clearly the father is Vinny Jones.

  3. WHAT? You mean Santa Claus didn’t kill all of the Woodland Critters so that the lion cubs could give her an abortion before the antichrist was born? WE’RE ALL DOOMED!

  4. January Jones Son Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    Judging by the looks of her you can just tell that a TON of mung sprayed out when she gave birth.

  5. Bobbie

    How OLD are you people making such cruel remarks about a baby’s birth? I read the article, because I could NOT believe the headline! Just for everyone who doesn’t know:
    Gender: Male
    Origin: Greek
    Meaning: The Greek name Xander means – a short form of Alexander

    • Susan

      Some of them must be over 300 years old, Bobbie. They sound just like the Puritans who judged Hester Prynne in “The Scarlet Letter.”

      • silver spoon

        Yeah, ‘cos unprotected sex with multiple, often married men in the age of rampant STDs should never be considered unwise. I mean, who wouldn’t want herpes, right?

  6. forrest gump

    why are abortions forbidden?

  7. right

    i think bobby flay was hittin it but it looks like it’s some other poor bastards responsibility.

  8. TomFrank

    What if…what if January Jones just told us who the father is—Xander Berkeley (George Mason from Seasons 1 and 2 of 24), her married co-star on the movie “Seeking Justice,” which they filmed late last year.

  9. Boy, she sure looks happy to have ejected the little darlin’, doesn’t she?

  10. Bob

    I know I should be up on it, but I haven’t seen Mad Men yet, but I just watched First Class the other day, and holy crap is her acting terrible.

  11. kimmykimkim

    I’m all for unique names. January is somewhat unique, used to know a girl named January but, Xander? How could you do that to someone? I mean, obviously she fucking hates this poor child. Xander?! Seriously??

  12. Cat

    Pretty sure Angelina and Brad aren’t married so Shiloh, and the twins are bastards too. Hate on January all you want, but leave the kid alone.

  13. joissant

    Adultery is offcourse not a good thing,but at least she is not on of the women who has an abortion to hide their acts,because its not convenient for them(accept when spreading your legs for sex
    is very conveined).
    So let’s not criticize her for keeping her baby.

  14. cc

    Given how long she was pregnant, I suspect the child walked out of the hospital under his own steam and drove himself home.

  15. January Jones Son Xander
    Commented on this photo:

    Who writes these titles? are you retarded?

  16. Ron

    Seems to be a lot of hatred on her, and none on the guy. I find that weird.

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