Janice Dickinson, holy crap, that’s gotta stop

March 31st, 2008 // 135 Comments

Dearest Jan-Jan,

Before we begin, I’d like to commend you on your efforts entertaining our troops during the Second World War. At the ripe young age of 40, you gave our boys something to live for as they fought to stop Hitler from finding Jesus’ cup in that tomb with the knight who was like super old. Anyway, those glory days are long gone. When you reach the triple digits, it’s time to retire the bikini. How do I put this delicately? Your ass looks like E.T.’s stomach – but more Play-Doh-y. So Play-Doh-y, in fact, that I’m about ready to bust out my Spaghetti Factory. I like to make the stars!

Godspeed,

The Superficial Writer

NOTE: Not sure what this is, but I’m convinced it’s our duty as a society to kill it.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. ann

    What’s even more disturbing is the old, fat guy in the background. That’s her boyfriend.. think about the two of them, naked going at it .. *shudder*

  2. Sandi

    She looks a heck of a lot better than Jack Nickelson and nobody is giving him any crap.

  3. KEVIN

    Everyone knows that Cellulite is women’s no° 1 enemy, while young and beautiful girls suffering from it cover their legs up I just can’t figure out why this old skin is exhibiting her wavy legs with such a pride !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    All I can say : HIDE THOESE LEGS OLD WOMAN !!!!

  4. Jimbob

    Is there a guy married to a woman out there who is JD’s age who has a wife hotter than this.

  5. jonesy

    If half of the 25 year olds in this country looked as good as this broad does, the world would be a better place.

  6. IKE

    The funny thing is her stomach looks better than TARA REID’s. I bet her boobs do too. Heck, maybe even her ass also. Tara Reid SUCKS.
    Whew….how did I drift off to Tara Reid bashing?

    Anyway….

    T.R. sucks. :)

  7. Catmore

    God she looks horrible. It’s pretty obvious she was an ano crack whore because all thats left is fat.

    ATTENTION LADIES PLEASE LIFT WEIGHTS AND EAT FOOD. DO NOT ASPIRE TO THIS.

    You guys who think she looks good must be fatties or retards.

    Janice is obviously genetically gifted and she’s squandered it being fucking stupid and trashing her body.

  8. Where’s Janice’s airbrusher when she needs him?

    She does look good for her age, BUT she needs to put down the cocktails and cigarettes and hit the treadmill. That would tone up all of her sloppy saggy bits.

  9. jaime

    Okay but seriously… NONEEEEEEEEEEEEE OF YOUUU will look that good when you’re her age. I will, of coures, but the rest of you… let’s be real. Please.

  10. eastcoastgirl

    She looks like a fifty three year old woman in a bikini. There’s nothing wrong with that She just needs to stop posing to the cameras like she looks twenty three.

  11. GTW

    SHe needs a butt lift. Go to Brazil honey. And yes, start covering up and not showing off so more. Be more discreet, you don not look so good anymore.

  12. Silo

    Say want you want, but I’d wager many a load has been shot today over these pictures.

  13. ?

    I’m willing to bet Janice at her tender age of 60 looks much better and weighs half as much as 90% of you people. Don’t be jealous.

  14. She’s 53 years old and still looks hot.

  15. blahblah

    I agree with #21 and other similar comments. I am close to her age and my body is similar with a few more pounds. What you see on her is normal aging. If she were a man no one would be as hard on him. Give her a break, let her wear what makes her feel good. I live on the beach and, trust me, 90% of what I see walking around in their suits looks much worse…..and that includes the younger ones!

  16. piddle

    It’s not really how she looks, but her revolting and repulsive vanity, If she wore a sarong, carried herseld with class and was one of your friends mothers you’d be like”wow she looks insanely good for a Mom”. But Janice is a self absorbed attention whore and even the hottest woman on earth could not pull of her conceited antics so if you’re all honest with yourselves the negative comments are a reaction to her over the top “look at me” bullshit.

    Lesson to all: Modesty (not insecurity mind you) is the most attractive thing. Janice is as modest as Britney is sane and she’s fucking crazy too. So I don’t give a FUCK how old she is, she’s a god damned attention whoring bitch and that’s why I would only hit her with a pool tube “back in the water wentch!”

  17. Erica.

    I’m not in my 20′s yet..so all you people saying that most women don’t look as good as JD in their 20′s. I look better than her, that’s for damn sure. I’m only 16. HA!

  18. aggressive

    because she is so old, she looks pretty decent for that age in these photos and thats a fact

  19. PhillM

    Dear The Superficial Writer,

    Thank you for your articles… this one in particular is amazingly funny and I commend the Indiana Jones reference. I, too had a Play-Doh factory, though I preferred the thin ribbon maker instead of the stars.

    Keep up the great work!
    -PhillM

  20. kalhie

    OMG, and I was kinda feeling envy by her looks in the thumbnails! I will keep my fat ass gladly now !!

  21. Nice fake out, that’s really Steven Tyler in a bikini, right?

  22. marme

    Bah you know what though….she would be the first one to admit she looks like shit cause thats how she rolls….she was probably drunk at the time.

  23. D.A.

    Who could stand to take that many pics w/o vomitting?
    I’d have buckled over after the first zoom!

  24. Sarah

    OK, so her legs don’t look near as good as they would if she were say 30 years younger, but she looks in-fucking-credible for her age. Just remember that when most of us are her age, we’ll look like huge sacks of flesh with about a thousand wrinkles and then try judging her again.

  25. b.j

    got dang sick bitch!!!!

  26. b.j

    holy doodoo!!!! it looks like a shark got a hold of her legs and chewed dem hoes up.

  27. jemaliye

    I think she looks incredible. When i am her age, i hope my body looks that good! Some people in there 20′s don’t have a body as fit as her’s.

    She is annoying, but she does have an incredible body. Shame she did all that to her face. You can see that she was once an incredibly beautiful woman.

  28. jemaliye

    I think she looks incredible. When i am her age, i hope my body looks that good! Some people in there 20′s don’t have a body as fit as her’s.

    She is annoying, but she does have an incredible body. Shame she did all that to her face. You can see that she was once an incredibly beautiful woman.

  29. horny =O

    ID STILL FUCK HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ID PUT A HURTIN ON THAT BITCH IDC THAT SHES OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  30. horny =O

    ID STILL FUCK HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ID PUT A HURTIN ON THAT BITCH IDC THAT SHES OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  31. horny =O

    ID STILL FUCK HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ID PUT A HURTIN ON THAT BITCH IDC THAT SHES OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  32. horny =O

    ID STILL FUCK HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ID PUT A HURTIN ON THAT BITCH IDC THAT SHES OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  33. James

    She’s very HOT!

  34. Arggghhhhh…I think she is scary

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